Myriam's Muse

A message from Mother Myriam

2006-09-30T09:13:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends

You've got to do your own growing,
no matter how tall your grandfather was.
~ Irish Proverb

Today our message is a bit different. Many of you do not know this but my father died when I was 11 years old. My mother was not educated beyond the 5th grade and had few skills except the ability to care for others. My mother worked as a maid and nurse for $15.00 a week to provide for us. This was not the first time Mother had to experience being a single parent with children to raise. She also had lost her first husband during the depression with three young children to care for. But through faith and hard work and often the kindness of strangers she made sure that her family survived.

As we enter the season of harvest, I want to share a lesson that Mother taught me. It is the law of seed planting. We have all heard that as we sow so shall we reap. This works in all areas of life from the necessities of survival to the more esoteric issues of love, relationships, kindness, friendship and so forth.

Mom used to tell me if you want a friend you have to be a friend. And she is so right. When we reach out to help others from the smallest thing like a smile or helping a friend in crisis, then good will be returned to us. The opposite is the same, when we plant the seeds of weeds which is anger, hate, distrust, paranoia this things will also be returned.

As I grew up I watched that Mother daily would feed a widow who was alone in the neighborhood a warm meal everyday. It was her mission. There is something in the Bible about taking care of orphans and widows that is highly emphasized that and she took it upon herself to do this.

When she was in her mid-seventies I went to visit her and I went to the refrigerator and it was filled with food. People were enabling her to reap the seeds that she had planted. Even when she came to live with me in her last year of age 98 people were bringing us food all the time. This season of harvest is a good time to ask what seeds are we planting?

Today, plant a seed of random kindness. It will be returned to you 10 times.

Love

Mother Myriam

PS: If you have questions write me at customerservice@asknow.com and put attention Myriam in the subject line.

Life After Life

2006-06-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

Ghost Whisperer, The Medium (programs created by Van Prague), and countless new television programs and other media are creating a renewed interest in communicating with those who have passed over. Not since the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century has there been such an interest in understanding. In that past renewal of interest the magicians tried to debunk psychic phenomena by recreating the perceived experience through magic tricks. Today the Amazing Randy has taken on the goal of debunking a reality that more and more are believing in order to create a career for himself. As we watch John Edward of Van Prague it becomes evident that we hunger to communicate with loved ones who have passed over. But even more evident is that those who have passed over often need to communicate with those who remain in this 4 dimensional reality that we call life. However, the real question is: Is there life after life?

There are many technical innovations that are being used to show energy traces and other examples that ghosts and spirits exist. Of course, the greatest feedback system to recognize those who have passed over are some interesting phenomena that all of us can train ourselves to recognize. Some people are extra sensitive and can receive these perceptions with more ease. Intuitives, empaths, mediums, shamans and so forth can help us contact those who have passed over. Many people approach a psychic because they have had a "feeling" that someone is near them that has passed over.

One of the best tools of the psychic detective is a camera. Since the early 1800s photography has been used to capture pictures of ectoplasm which is the word for the energy force that is the soul of a departed one.

My dear friend David’s wife Rene passed over from a long bout with lung cancer. Rene had been a psychic reader and counselor for more than 30 years and walked a spiritual path. At a wake David and Rene’s good friend Spiritual Guide GiGi (extension 449308)
a reader at Asknow.com, felt the presence of Rene. In a series of photographs snapped in immediate succession it was discovered after they were developed that at the time they were feeling the presence of Rene a unfolding of ectoplasm appeared over the group. Rene had returned to send healing love to those who were left behind, Spirit had reached from the other side to console those grieving loved ones with proof of life after life.

Some of the signs that a spirit is near you and wants to communicate can be diverse but a specific one is the feeling of coldness in the area that the spirit presence is located. If you saw the movie 6th Sense you will be able to understand this phenomenon better. Or there can be signs that the person is trying to connect with you with the appearance of various ways. In a recent reading that I did, a client was talking about a woman who had passed over and that she could feel her presence. I told her that I received the message that the sign of the butterfly was a message from this woman saying that all way well and she was content. The client burst out laughing. It turns out that when she and her significant other went to a country cabin in the mountains to do some maintenance and upkeep on departed loved one, they say a beautiful blue butterfly of a type they had never seen before. They had come to plant butterfly bushes to attract butterflies to the spot because the woman loved butterflies so much. As they saw the butterfly all they could do was burst into tears and hold each other. The renamed the little road to the cabin Butterfly Lane. There are always special connections between us and those who have passed over and these become our signs that our spirits are connecting with the departed and most importantly that they are connecting with us.

In the 70s I had an amazing experience as I was working with automatic writing. Automatic writing is when you relax and use your non-dominant hand to do spirit writing. As I went into a meditative state I asked who is here. My hand began to write on it’s own: Chad. Chad was the departed brother of my husband who had committed suicide and ever since I had moved to the house I had experienced horrible headaches and Chad had shot himself in the head. I asked: How can I tell for sure it is you? He wrote back: The money in the book on Napoleon. I told my husband about this and we went to Chad’s library where nothing had been disturbed since his death. We went through every dust covered book and in the whole collection was only one book about Napoleon and in it was a crisp new five dollar bill. We checked all the other books and there was no money to be found in any of them. Chad had reached out from the other side by using signs that were symbolic of his interests in life – he collected rare books and monies.

In the 70s I also did trance channeling. This is where the medium allows the spirit to come into her body to allow spirit to communicate directly with a loved one. As I relaxed I could feel the physical presence of this woman coming into my body. I could feel her pain and realized that she had physical disability. I could feel her pain but she came through to give a message to a person named Kiki. I did not know this name and had never really heard about it before. It turned out it was her special nickname for my client. The story gets more interesting. Two years later I was recruited to found a shelter for victims of domestic violence. A small program existed and it was called Serenity House. As I did the work necessary to write grants and develop funding I realized the original not-for-profit status of the organization had been improperly done and people could not write off donations the way that it was filed. As I looked at the original paper work, it revealed that the original founder of the group to help victims was this woman I had channeled two years before. So her messages in coming through was not only for my client but for me and time led me to create a shelter that is still helping victims today in Southeastern Ohio.

It is written that in an infinite universe we are all one. Perhaps our ability to connect with those who have passed over and for them to communicate with us is to let us know that truly we are all one and there is limitless hope for life after life. Remember for the caterpillar opening is an ending but to the butterfly it is the beginning of life.

The Passionate Life

2006-06-08T10:10:00.000-05:00

Never underestimate the power of passion.
Eve Sawyer

Are you living a passionate life? Or, are you following the crowd and allowing life to happen to you? It takes a great deal of courage to decide that you are in charge of how your life evolves whether in love and relationships or in career and work. If you feel that your passions in the various areas of your life seems to have grown quiet and you are languishing rather than growing, it is time to take charge again.

We all have times of quietness in our lives but this is not the road to joy and exhilaration that we crave for living a life of bliss. Joseph Campbell wrote that man does not need to find a meaning to life but he must create it. How we create this meaning is to become passionately involved in everything that we do. Whether doing a job or task or how we engage others in friendship or love. Love only has meaning when driven by a passion to express and feel love to the fullest. Work only has meaning when driven by a passion to express our best.

As you work to awaken the passion in your life you will discover greater joy and greater understanding that you are more powerful than you ever believed. This does not mean that you have to strive for fame or material greatness but that you must express your being by being fully engaged in that which gives you pleasure. You may have a passion for gardening or for decorating your home. You may have a passion for cooking and serving others. You may have a passion for music. Passion is more than sensual expression of love of another although this is a good thing. Passion is to find sensuality and expression in actions that bring you joy.

Many times when we have been hurt we withdraw into self and feel a sense of a lowering of self-esteem and thus a reluctance to go forward in life with passion. Take a risk today and rediscover the joy that comes from living a life that is passion filled.

Myriam Maytorena
http://manifestreality.com
http://asknow.com
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com

Feline Wisdom

2006-05-25T11:14:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Theresa Chase (Tirgana)Our favorite rescuer of feline friends.

Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.

John Weitz fashion designer, spy and author of the book Friends in High Places, b.1923

Cats have always amused and sometimes amazed me. They are so independent and yet very loving. They will not be ruled but can be seduced by food and love. As I visited my sister Glenna this past weekend I met Gracie Grace the new member of her family. Gracie Grace is a long haired black cat and about as stand offish and in control of her world as any cat that I have ever met. Imagine Glenna’s little old Yorkie who is blind and most deaf dealing with a feline who is determined to rule the roost.

But something amazing happened. Kippie got a new lease on life with this taunting stalking but gentle new family member. In fact, he has become more active, eats better, and has recaptured his youth. Of course, the puppy cut did a lot to make him look like the puppy he one was.

Now in reality Gracie Grace looks like a fat cat but when you feel her you know it is just that long luxurious coat that wants to shed all over Glenna’s beautiful carpet. Gracie Grace like all felines has taken over the house. And I have to admit she is a poseur. And she makes sure that you notice when she is making a declaration that she is the queen of the house.

There is nothing like a new pet to bring joy into a home and energy into our lives. As they say pets allow us to live longer by lowering blood pressure, giving us continued responsibility for another, reducing stress as we pet them, and giving us laughter with their antics.

Personally as I prepare for a trip in June to the wedding of my brother John (age 75) and his bride-to-be Myrna Jo, I have to admit the one I am looking forward to seeing most is John’s dog Clint.

How blessed we are with the animals in our lives whether they be just pets or familiars, they give our life meaning, unconditional love, and joy.

Myriam Maytorena
http://manifestreality.com
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com
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Start all over again

2006-05-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have always been delighted atthe prospect of a new day,a fresh try,one more start,with perhaps a bit of magicwaiting somewhere behind the morning.~ J. B. Priestly

Morning has broken with a new opportunity. It is wonderful to again have that feeling that magic is always an option. Success consists more of optimism and persistence than any other qualities. Of course, we always self-define success for ourselves and that is sometimes the only fly in the ointment. We carry the expectations of family and friends, rather than looking at what gives us joy.

But like the old song goes, sometimes you just got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. And that is the blessing of today. If you feel like you have fallen down or fallen short, you have the opportunity to delve deep into you and find what path you would prefer. This can apply to any part of life. Whether it is career, family, friends, associates or just leisure time, if you are not feeling that things are going the way you want you always have to option to start a new plan to create the life that you desire.

May you be blessed with vision and desire today as you choose to live the life that will bring you the greatest joy.

Remember my saying: If it isn't fun, don't do it.

Myriam Maytorenahttp://manifestreality.com

http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com

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Let Go of the Pain

2006-05-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

You don't have to hold on to the pain, to hold on to the memory.

Janet JacksonMay 16 1966

So many of us are unable to let go of the pain that is a part of our past. Whether through our dreams or through thoughts that randomly filter through our brain evoked by a song, a smell, or a photograph we have the power to let go of the pain.

In almost every situation that we encounter that was painful around us was also good things that gave us hope. Even if the only good is looking back and saying I made it through that therefore I can make it through anything. There is always a balm that can heal the pain and allow us to enshrine and create a sacrifice to our pain on the altar of growth.

Another excellent way to release the pain, is to take what we have learned from our lives and use it to help others. I don’t think anyone is a greater example of that than Oprah Winfrey who was molested as a child and has used her public platform to fight child molestation and to put offenders behind bars and to face the reality that we can heal and move forward.

You will not usually find an activist on the smallest level or the most public level that has not taken pain and transformed it into action so that others could be healed and thus finding healing for themselves.

Whether you are angry, depressed or even physically ill because of incidents of your past, the sooner you can turn the focus away from the pain inside to helping others outside of self, you will find the path to recovery.

Today, wrap your pain in healing love and your memories will become lessons and guides to finding an empowerment for you and for others.

Myriam Maytorena
http://manifestreality.com
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Wisdom of the Ages

2006-05-11T10:30:00.000-05:00

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.
Dr. Robert H. Goddard
American rocket engineer 1882-1945

I have found my mirror to compassion for self through my children. I have watched them grow to the age of 40 something and I still see how much they have to do to learn and grow. I watch their mistakes and remember my own. And I discover forgiveness. Forgiveness for them, but selfishly forgiveness for me as I realize that I walked along the path and made similar mistakes and sometimes worse mistakes. My children give me a clearer vision of me.

I have found my mirror to compassion for self through my mother. She watched me grow old and she still accepted my folly and my mistakes and I knew that I was loved and accepted. I hope that this is a gift that I have inherited when I look at my sons, friends and family. My mother gave me a clearer vision of me and who I could become.

As I grow older I realize how many people unintentionally were my teachers. From those who were often the cruelest or worse, I learned to be kinder. From those who could not take care of themselves, I learned to forgive me when I struggled and failed and was able to stand up again and move forward. From those who loved me when I was my most unlovable, I have learned to love me also. From those who hurt me, I learned not to hurt others at least intentionally. For those who have helped me and expected nothing in return, I learned to give without expectation of being paid back.

From when I would get angry and want to strike back, I learned that revenge has no great sense of satisfaction only a sense of my own weakness. I have learned that I do not have to seek revenge and to leave it to time and the universe.

I have learned that at least 90 percent of people are good, and I don’t have time to foster paranoia about the other 10 percent so I find it more fulfilling to risk receiving a positive relationship and to take time to heal myself if I am hurt by one of the minority.
And while I am learning to accept being 62, all of a sudden I am excited by what I am going to experience and learn next. For that gift, most of all, I thank my mother and my sister Glenna.

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Are you a cougar?

2006-05-05T09:04:00.000-05:00

Myriam’s Muse
May 5, 2006

You shouldn't believe everything. What you see isn't always right. Is what you think truly right? Please, think about it again. A heart that obediently accepts things is fine, but shouldn't you question something just once? The truth is in a place you can't see.
Takehito Koyasu

Since I started studying astrology some 30 years ago or so, the first thing I learned and continue to learn is that Aquarians are ahead of their times and definitely eccentric. Now that can be good or bad and I definitely have to say that in my life that has been true.

This morning I was watching a morning TV show and they were discussing a "new" trend. There is a new societal change of older women dating younger men. The women are designated as Cougars. I always thought I was a Jaguar and now I find out that I have been a Cougar for more than 30 years. After my second divorce, I discovered the fun of dating younger men.
Now if that is not ahead of the trend in an Aquarian style I have never seen one. When I was 46 I got divorced. I remember that I lived in a college town and was part of academia. I found it rather fun to date young men. I wasn’t attracted to teenagers as much as young men in their early twenties. They were risk takers. They wanted to have fun. They didn’t expect me to do their laundry or cook dinner. They were intrigued by the sexier older woman.

However, something happened that I didn’t expect when I was 48 in the middle of fun and games with this delightful young man of 25 I found myself becoming more and more attracted to his soul.

Now if I were to have believed everything that I was taught and what society said, remember this was about 15 years ago, I would have pulled back from the idea of commitment. Instead we were married and have been married for fifteen years. And, what is funny is that I like being married to a man that doesn’t expect a maid but expects an equal partner. It is not always an easy path but marriage is not an easy path.

However, this is one Cougar that will tell you she is very happy that she caught her prey and is looking forward to more going against the rules that make no sense.

Walking your inner talk

2006-05-01T08:36:00.000-05:00

They will say you are on the wrong road,if it is your own.

Antonio Porchi

Do you ever question if you are on your right path? Do you question how to find your mission? Or, do you feel at times that you really are not making a contribution? Do you resent what is often required of you by others?

When we begin to question to disquieting thoughts that make us wonder as Peggy Lee used to sing:: Is that all there is? When those thoughts and ideas enter our heads it means that we are not following the path that brings us joy. However, we always have a choice to make changes that will bring us to a state of contentment and joy. The biggest clue that you are doing what is right for you is that you feel good about accomplishing something or feeling good when you are with certain types of people.

Often in finding our own path to contentment and joy, we have to go against the wishes of others both family, friends and business associates. Creating our own path takes courage but that courage pays great rewards when we find that night has come and we lay our heads on our pillow and a sigh comes out reflecting thoughts that it has been a very good day. Another sign is when you find a smile coming automatically as you are doing something and no one else is around. You might even find that you are whistling or singing while you work.

When you learn to focus on the moments that bring you happiness or joy, than you know that you are on the way to doing something that points to your path in this life. While not every moment in life is going to be a happy moment, if we can get ourselves to where we have more good times than bad times in our inner reaction to life, we have found our path... we have discovered our mission.

Myriam Maytorena
http://manifestreality.com/
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/ for essays you have missed before
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Bless You

2006-04-29T09:02:00.000-05:00

Myriam’s Muse
April 29, 2006

My mother told me I was blessed, and I have always taken her word for it. Being born of -- or reincarnated from -- royalty is nothing Like being blessed. Royalty is inherited from another human being; blessedness comes from God.

Duke Ellington
1899-1974

I have been thinking a lot about blessings and blessing and what it means. There are many ways to look at this idea but whether we are counting our blessings, blessing someone else or his or her life, or being blessed by others, it is all an energy of sharing divine goodness. Even when someone sneezes and we say “Bless You” often just as a reflex, it is a good feeling to hear the words. Blessings are the ultimate feel goods in our lives.

Often when we walk through a time of difficulty on the path of life, it is very easy to ignore the blessings that surround us or to thank those who bless our lives by just being present and loving us when we often feel unlovable or totally off track. Blessings come into our lives everyday sometimes in small ways and sometimes in large ways but they are always a part of our lives.

Every day we have the opportunity to bless another by loving him or her or doing some simple little thing to make his or her day a little easier or a little happier. It doesn’t take much to shower blessings around. Every morning I talk with my sister Glenna – our morning conversations bless both of us with a sense of connection and caring.

How are you blessed? Even if you are in a dark night of the soul, you still have blessings around you if you will light a candle of hopeful expectation to discover what you have been blinded to by being caught in a deep depression. Sometimes we have to prime the pump to realize the well of blessings waiting for us to experience that sense of divine blessedness. Just start everyday by writing down a blessing that has occurred in your life. Soon you will discover that sense of being blessed is sparkling and flowing from others to you and from you to others.

Today Accept that YOU ARE THE BLESSING.

Beauty

2006-04-27T09:20:00.000-05:00

Myriam’s Muse April 27, 2006
You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older
Anouk Aimee

I remember Mother lying in her bed at age 98, as she was being bathed she held out her leg and turned it in a very sexy way and said: I have always had lovely legs.

Age is a funny thing and totally a matter of perception. One thing I noticed is that when Mother reached the age of about 97 when she was asked or talked about her age she said she was going on a hundred. I remember when kids are little they are not 6 or 7 they are 6 or 7 going on 7 or 8. And at 12 you hear I will be a teenager my next birthday. Sweet sixteen is a celebration that indicates that one has gone through puberty and is close to becoming a young adult. Different ages are definite markers of our growing into new phases of our lives. Many may remember in the sixties, the statement was you can never trust anyone over thirty from the youth and the older population would repeat the motto of perception of youth since the writings of the early Greek philosophers: What is wrong with today’s youth?

The further we move from youth to our so-called "golden years" the more our memories begin to cloud with created memories that are made from repeated stories that we tell ourselves. We are constantly repeating our history embellishing some of it for the good and some of it for the bad. I would imagine that most of our memories are as close to reality as rocket ships were in 1906 when my mother was born.

I have discovered one great gift as I grow older, the things that I used to try and guilt myself with and perhaps ignore, I now forgive and often forget. I find that when I felt so old at 30 or 40 when I look at my children I see how young I was and still foolish. But our foolishness and our profound understanding over the years help create who we are now and help recreate who we will be in 20 years or so.

And now I see why my mother had such tolerance and unconditional love, her beauty within grew with her watching her life move through time. As she grew older her tolerance for others grew immensely and she would often point out to me that one never knows what goes on in a person’s life that brings them to the place that they are. I never truly saw the true beauty of my mother until her last year of life as she shared more and more of the stories that she remembered and as she would tell some of the more horrific stories she also shared that she had learned to forgive because it is often just the folly of youth that would create some behaviors.

Today when you look in the mirror, appreciate how truly beautiful you are and how each day with each experience you become a more vibrant kaleidoscope of unique expression that no one will ever match.

Myriam’s Muse
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/

Questions

2006-04-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

For an answer which cannot be expressed the question too cannot
be expressed. The riddle does not exist. If a question can be
put at all, then it can also be answered.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

Many of us – or at least those who are brave enough to explore our lives – a time comes when we feel blocked and unable to move in any direction. We may be physically moving forward in time but in our hearts and minds we are in effect in a state of stillness.

The idea that we cannot come up with any answers is because we have just not been asking the right questions. How do we learn to question our lives and thus discover the answers that we need to create the life that we desire to manifest.

The signals that we are moving physically forward but emotionally and spiritual blocked are the times when we keep doing the things like going to work, keeping our daily needs taken care of, or, the worse case scenario we make ourselves ill or depressed. Listen to these signals and dedicate time to find the questions so that you can find your answers. It may be that you will not like the answers that you discover but you will discover that the really great questions are the ones that give us answers that provoke new questions that keep moving us forward like great scientific experimentation. In essence our lives are experiments of a spiritual being using the four dimensional reality we exist in to expand our knowledge and awareness. We are all an experiment or a work in progress.

There are social markers in our lives that manifest times of questioning to adapt to change: going to school, getting married, our first job, a divorce, the death of a friend, retirement and so forth. These social markers are our friends and help us continue to grow if we are willing to ask the tough questions and then shake the answers free to help us move forward. However, there are other markers that those in search spiritual growth will encounter that are more subtle and these are what I wrote of in the above column.

If we are depressed or unhappy, a great question to start with is when was I happy before and what was going on. Think of as many times when you felt laughter, joy, fun, and contentment. Then ask what can I do now to bring these feelings back into my life.

If you feel spiritually blocked, it is time to ask what moments in time did I feel a closeness with the divine? How do I feel differently now than I did then? How can I adapt my life now to create that sense of divine connection again?

All answers are possible if you are willing to ask the person who knows the question. That person exists inside of you and for some reason or another you have blocked part of you from your conscious awareness. You can remove those barriers and move forward.
Be willing to let down your barriers and ask the hard questions. Then be brave enough to listen to the answers and sift through them and they will lead you on an exciting journey of self exploration that will get you back onto the spiral of spiritual growth that will be manifest in love and contentment.

Nationwide is not on my side

2006-04-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

Avis goes to Sunday Doggie School!

After what seemed an unbelievably long drive we arrived at the school. First thing in the door and Avis was a spazz. She thought she was at the vet where she loves to go and then picked up a different energy. Something was out of the ordinary because when she tried to go to back room which she always does, the owners German Shepherd was tied to a loop on the wall and there was no way Avis was going to make it through that door. So Avis was confused and upset and being the little Poxer (Pit Bull Boxer Mix), she was not a bit intimidated and was ready to go after that dog that had at least 60 pounds on her and muscles. Of course she was controlled but the trainer was assured that Avis was probably an aggressive dog so when we went outside where the classes were to be held Avis was forced to stay at the back of the class and she was tied to a door. She was one unhappy pooch.

Oh she would listen when we told her to sit... to Avis when you say sit it means she goes down on all fours like a lazy cat.

As you looked down the line there were an array of dogs and owners. First the big guy and his wife with a rat terrier. Then a woman with a little hairy barky dog. Then the most adorable papillon with a mother and three daughters there for the training. Then a black poodle with her hippie owner there to learn to behave so she could be a therapy dog in nursing homes. Next came the young Rottweiler with a nondescript owner. Next to them was the adorable Pit Bull which the trainer insisted was an American Staffordshire Terrier and gave a little wrong lecture about differences between Pit bulls and Stafordshires (as I kept my mouth shut by the way). Then a cute little mutt and another mix with some kind of big canine ancestry followed by a beautiful German Shepherd with three owners there to learn how to help her socialize.

Now you have to remember that Avis and I pretty much stay at home. Mark is the one’s who runs around all the time. Avis loves going to the vet which we call her Doggie Hotel and was definitely surprised that she was not treated as the queen that she is. I could see some of me in her as she was ready to take down that Shepherd. All of the people and animals were more than I could deal with wisely. I felt panic all the time that I was there and Avis probably picked it up. I am going to drug me next time I go and maybe even find a doggie tranquilizer for Avis since she doesn’t care for Martinis.

Before the end of the class, however, she had demonstrated that she was very people friendly and even smelled a few dog butts. She walked well and thought playing with a ball was no motivation for training. She likes steak, cheese, chicken.... real food. Hard to carry a pocket of that along as you are dog training.

We left with our homework which was to create a personality profile of Avis to discover what will be her greatest motivation so that she doesn’t feel that a taste of German Shepherd isn’t such a big deal.

Oh, in case you don’t know it, the reason Avis is going to school is because of a stupid insurance investigator who came to look at the house and she wouldn’t let him near my office so he reported her. She does her job and gets in trouble.... Doesn’t sound like Nationwide is on her side.

Dreams – The key to positive decision making

2006-04-19T10:46:00.000-05:00

One of the most effective gifts of dreams are that they help us make decisions that are for our highest good.

When we are faced with an important decision we use logic to try and look at all the facts and find out what would be our best action, but often we are only using logic to convince ourselves that what we want is what we truly need and want.

Sleeping on a decision is the wisest choice anyone can make when faced with a dilemma. Whether it is to apply for a new job, leave a cheating lover, or accept that date. If we act immediately we often make mistakes and then we spend time in regret over making the wrong decision.

The right decision already exists in our unconscious mind. Factors that we ignore in a waking state actually lead us to do things that are often dysfunctional and even based on the pressure of others. Like when we go to buy a new car and the salesman convinces us that our lives will be sexier and more fun with the more expensive model of car.

Delaying decisions and sleeping on them lead us to wiser choices.

It is important to know that while there are archetypes that apply across a culture, each one of us has a wide range of symbols that have meaning to us in our dreams. Once we learn to interpret our own symbols we then are on the way to consistently using our dreams to make correct decisions that enhance our lives.

Learn what the symbols in your dreams mean to you. The easiest way to do this is to keep a dream journal. It doesn’t have to be complex. All you need to do is keep a notebook by your bed and as soon as you wake up write down the key elements in your dreams. Then that evening make notes on the day and see if any of these elements are connected. Also, you may have family symbols that are learned over time. My mother had the symbol of the snake meaning trouble coming to our family. Over time, this proved to be true. Yet I have another friend to whom the snake means a time of change and transformation. So you can see how symbols are personal and learning your own symbolic world of dreams will help you discover your dreams.

Some dreams are truly prophetic. Others are purely ways to process our day. Others are to help us discover what is in our inner world and to find what dysfunctional behaviors we have learned that drive all of our relationships from business to family to friends. Your dreams when you take the time to learn to interpret them and to use them effectively can enhance your decision making and your life.

If you have trouble remembering your dreams here are some tips. Before you go to sleep, repeat to you: I will remember my dreams. This may take several days or several weeks. If this does not work make sure and drink a full glass of water before you go to bed. This will cause you to wake up in the night to relieve yourself. Write down any thoughts that you have about your dreams before you go to sleep. Then you will slowly develop the habit of remembering your dreams.

Not only will become friends with the unexplored territory of your dreams enhance your awareness of self, it will lead you to making better decisions daily.

When you feel pressured to make a decision, take the time to say: I will sleep on it and let you know tomorrow.

Pleasant Dreams
Love
Mother Myriam

Good or Evil – Who decides?

2006-04-07T10:59:00.000-05:00

For many years I have talked about that if one is to be following the concepts of unconditional love and acceptance, we must also love and accept those who appear to be doing evil. This is perhaps one of the biggest moral issues that humanity faces. There are big evils that catch our attention as with terrorist and dictators and war mongers or corporate raiders, but we each in our lives face what I like to call little evils.

Many religions teach that in compassion and kindness put into practice not just lip service, that evil and war would disappear. We point to people like Ghandi and Martin Luther King that passive resistence to evil will overcome evil. Yet there are others who point to the travesty of the Nazi movement and the murder of millions and without fighting evil with military power this evil would have taken over the world and thus there are justifiable ends for us acting in unkind ways for survival.

Always when there is an enemy (perceived or delusional) it is important to make the enemy less and dehumanize them to justify our anger, fear or aggression. On a large scale we do it with propaganda on a small scale we do it with gossip and self talk about how bad we have been treated or someone else has been treated.

It is easier to be angry when faced with evil than to look with compassion and seek to understand what causes an individual or a nation to manifest this behavior. This is an absolute with the only exception being mental illness: No one does anything bad unless bad things were done to them.

Here is another truism: When bad things happen to us, many times we have set ourselves up to attract negative behavior into our lives. This is not a bad thing if we use these events of negativity to learn and grow. However, if we keep repeating the same behaviors and drawing people into our lives that support our believe that life is against us or that we are cursed or we are unlovable, then we are not learning the lessons that are the reason for relationships to exist.

When penitentiaries were first created by the Quakers in the United States, it was thought that if people who were doing evil were to be confined to meditate and contemplate their behaviors they would find answers within themselves and be rehabilitated. Now we have learned the opposite is true. When we place dysfunctional people together they will reinforce and teach each other greater fear, hate and socially unacceptable behaviors.

There is only way a person can be rehabilitated or become healthy and that is through self-motivation to take responsibility for one’s behaviors and start to act and believe in ways that manifests a new way of responding to life and other people. While I totally believe that psycho-therapy is a great support in this process, ultimately the change happens within and is self-driven.

Unfortunately there are so many people in our world who are so wounded and damaged that the thought of helping them heal and find the path to love and trust again that the task seems daunting. However, if we take the responsibility to change self we will change how the world around us is manifest.

If we desire love, we must learn to love self. When we love self, others will love us.

If we desire trust, we must learn to trust self. When we trust self, others will trust us.

If we desire respect, we must learn to respect self. When we respect self, others will respect us.

If we desire good not evil in our lives, we must learn to live a life that is good and avoids evil. When we learn goodness than goodness comes to us.

We must remain vigilant that we do not gossip about others or listen to gossip because then we perpetuate the power of evil and fear. We must remain vigilant about propaganda and thus when we do this we learn to see when the government, big business and so forth our manipulating our fears and controlling our reaction to life and the other humans that inhabit this planet with us.

Good or Evil? It is up to you to decide which you will have manifest in your life.

It is time to say NO

2006-04-06T11:31:00.000-05:00

I have reached another turning point in my life. It seems that they seem to come faster and faster as I get older. Of course, this could just be perception because time keeps moving faster and faster in my mind and spirit.

And like all turning points, I don’t have a clue where I am going. When I was younger and wore a suit, I used to make up goals to make those in positions of authority happy. It is sort of the accepted way of doing business. However, it is not the accepted way for doing life.

My goals are always fuzzy and seem to flow with spirit rather than having plan a, plan b, and plan c. It seems in my life that sometimes plan c just comes into play before a or b and there I am saying what the heck happened.

What happened is that I live my life according to instinct and feeling. Logic is just something that I use to explain my decisions to others who for some reason have to be able to quantify life rather than qualify life. However, that is alright with me.

As I write I realize that the turning point now for me is honesty with myself. I don’t have any plans for the future and sometimes I don’t even have any for the day. My major drive is to not be stressed and to, as much as possible, to be happy and if not happy at the minimum content. Goals do not make one content. Goals don’t make one happy. Living life fully and to the extent that it is comfortable and with the least amount of stress seems to me to be an over all meta-goal that folks have forgotten.

I don’t know if I am retired because I don’t like that word. It is like one is retiring from life. Life cannot be retired from unless one chooses to die and I don’t have plans for that since it will happen some time and right now I would just like to enjoy living.

I have realized that when I am resisting doing something my inner guides are telling me to avoid something because it does not fit my fuzzy goals of enjoying life. Which brings us to the idea that maybe procrastination is just a way of saying: No! What a cool idea. It is alright to say well someday if I feel like doing such and such I will do it. However, if I don’t feel like doing it then I don’t have to.

It is time to say no.

What is success?

2006-03-03T12:54:00.000-05:00

This is such a personal issue that it is often hard to clarify what we value as to what would make us successful versus what friends, family and society would define as success.

I mean we all look at those who are icons of success in our community and our world. Media defines success that is often equated with visibility, material possessions, and, often, beauty. However, most of us can never achieve the media hype that says skinny is right and money is might. I remember an old saying: A woman can never be too rich or too thin. And look what concepts like this have done to destroy the self-esteem of many women. And I will never forget the impact of the cliche “Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

The meta message when I was growing up that to be a successful woman I should marry for money, keep looking gorgeous and never let anyone know that I was smart. Boy I did all that and I didn’t feel successful at all.

In my journey from then to now, my ideas of what I feel would make me feel successful has constantly been in a state of flux and change. I have come to the conclusion that while I would have no objection to being wealthy, famous, and defy the signs of aging, what I really desire is to feel content, to lead a simple life so that I can do what gives me pleasure.

And what gives me pleasure is writing. Since I am doing that I guess that I can officially say that I am successful.

My Enchanted Cottage

2006-03-01T09:30:00.000-05:00

I often refer to my home as my enchanted cottage. It is small and white and surrounded by flowers and gardens. It is at least 60 or 70 years old and carries with it the memories of many who have lived here before.

When Alice, my white ghost dog, was with us she would often point out to me that ghosts or spirits were in the house. We would be downstairs and hear a chair rocking upstairs when no one was upstairs and in fact there was no rocking chair. I would often walk through the house and feel cold spots which are indicative of ghostly or spirit presence.

You never knew when you went around a corner to another part of the house what energy one would pick up. It was like around the corner one would encounter a portal between our four dimensional reality and another dimension where spirits wander and perceive our realities. I am not really a ghost buster but I do know that spirits often get trapped in limbo between this reality and the infinite reality that is oneness with the divine. I began to meditate on this entity and was able to perceive that it was the woman who originally owned the property when it was a huge family farm. As I investigated more I found people who had known her and habits and I was able to get more and more in tune with her energy.

Drawing a white circle of energy protection around me, I began to smudge the house with sage. I also started to light white candles and pray for her release and help. Finally I was able to talk with her and explain her situation and guide her to go toward the light and release her bounds to the earth. It became peaceful in the house and I could feel that she had truly passed over to the other side.

A year later, I awoke to an awful smell. It was the smell of death. I called my husband and we searched to see if an animal perhaps had died out side on the porch but we could find nothing. I fell back to sleep and had a dream. In the dream a woman was desperately searching for her mother and could not find her. It was sad and frightening to feel her loss and pain. In the dream I was able to find the path to discovering her mother. And I awoke. The smell of death was gone.

Later that day I talked with a friend who knew the family of the original owner of the home. The woman’s daughter had died the night before.

Sometimes we never really know what is around the corner but we can rest assured that many an epiphany can be discovered if we are willing to take the risk to expand our awareness of our reality.

Luck

2006-02-28T11:16:00.000-05:00

It is another morning and I stumble out of bed and nuke some water in order to make some instant coffee. Cat in. Cat out. Dog in. Dog out. The constant routine continues every day. My breakfast table is a table next to my chair where I gaze out at the trees blowing in the wind. Brain dead I wait for the coffee to kick in. I am bashing my internal muse as it is completely uncooperative and I have a deadline and I haven’t met it and it is today.

Seems lately this little drama has been being replayed over and over again in my little corner of the world. I need to write an essay on luck. All I can think of is: If it were not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. Now that is inspiring. Just what people want to hear from Mother Myriam. I am supposed to be an inspirational writer and I am as inspired as a Polar Bear floating on a chunk of ice with the sun beating down in need of a towel, a bucket and a bicycle. A Polar Bear needs a bicycle as much as I need to calm down. Maybe I need a vacation?

No I need to get my inner drama over my morning coffee under control and get to work.

I just need some lucky inspiration to get myself going.

I begin to muse... what is luck?

I free associate trying to get some inspiration.

Luck is being aware of possibilities and acting on them.

Luck is an intuitive flash that somehow makes one turn down a different street and avoid an accident.

Luck is meeting one’s soul mate at the grocery.

Luck is if I finish my column today.

A friend once said that coincidences are God’s little miracles.

I need a little miracle today.

I really need some luck in getting this essay done.

The Journey to Health

2006-02-24T11:50:00.000-05:00

While many people deal with health issues all the time and the impact is both physical, mental and spiritual. Sometimes the standard method of healing from our western culture does not provide the answers that we seek.

I have been involved with alternative healing methods for all of my life. It began with my birth into a family where my father was a minister and performed laying-upon-hands healing. Miracles have followed me all my life. The events that I have experienced sometimes defy explanation but what I have just experienced over the last 3 months has been a very interesting and difficult journey.

It started when a person (another psychic) that works for the same company that I work for asked me to help her with her website. It became on the most difficult experiences of my life and I mean that literally and all my life has not been easy I can assure you. I began to have anxiety attacks when I would come to the office. My hands would shake so bad that I could not even type. The stress started mounting to an unbelievable level. I could not understand why I was letting this person upset me. Finally a friend who is a geek offered to help her and get me away from her. God bless him because I think that at the rate that I was going I might have became suicidal.

In the following weeks I began to slip from anxiety to anxiety combined with clinical depression. I would just sit and stare and I would wake up with my teeth hurting and my jaw because I was clinching my jaw so tight at night. My hands trembled more and more. I finally remembered that I had a prescription for an anti-depressant and some anxiety medication. I started out with a low dose but it wasn’t helping so I went to the doctor. He increased my dosage but the only thing that seemed to improve is that I quite ruminating about death. For weeks all I could think about was death. It was really a horror to experience.

Last Monday a friend of mine contacted me who is a shaman. Her name is Mountain Hawk Lady and she asked me to call her. I did and as we explored what was going on she realized that I had been attacked by a psychic vampire. Energy cords were connected to three chakras which she was able to cut and she did some other cleansing rituals. The next day I woke up and my teeth were not hurting and my stomach was not hurting. This was the first time since December that I was not throwing up, having to take a pain pill or just generally physically ill. Many people do not know that clinical depression is accompanied by physical symptoms as well. The next day I was shaking even less and I was able to go out and actually start to write again. By Wednesday I was back doing my morning muse that I send out every day and Monday I will be able to go back to work and start earning money again. My fears and anxiety has been rapidly decreasing and I am planning on going to get my hair cut. The last time I was out of the house was several weeks ago which was the first time in several months and I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the grocery and almost passed out.

Now this may seem far fetched to many people, but for me it was a miracle. And I consider that I am very blessed to have this woman in my life as a friend and shaman.

If you would like to learn more about psychic vampires the following is a link to the article on the online magazine I write and edit.

http://www.asknow.com/newsletter0106-vampire.aspx

Universal Love

2006-02-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

There is an energy in the universal heart that connects us all – male and female, young and old. The heart is more than an organ pumping blood, it is an essence that truly expresses the seed of divine love. When we are born we remember our oneness in love but it is only our experiences of differentiating self from the divine love that makes us feel separate and alone.

Coming back to feeling that divine universal love, allows that inner child that remembers to awaken and remember again how we truly are never alone but always a part of that continuing experience of peace. The realities of many yesterdays may put a cloud over our vision but that cloud can be removed by just looking at the face of a new born child – so wise and still aware of that one being that is our heritage.

As I watch life and others and self as we choose a life of suffering, I again remembered we are spirits having a human experience. And I pray that the lessons will help us all evolve even though I may not understand the why or the how, I know that eventually we will all return to the bliss of being one in awareness of universal love.

Monday: Waiting is

2006-02-20T14:36:00.000-05:00

The Date

I am not sure what the date is but I know it is fast approaching. I wait in anticipation which is a shift in energies for me. I feel that time coming. That time when I will be ready to smile and be increasingly amused by life again.

I wanted it to happen sooner but life is not always what we want it to be. It is sometimes just a time of waiting. There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: When the water is muddy one must be still to allow it to clear.

I have worked very hard over my life to learn the art of patience. In fact, in training myself I used to drive and refuse to pass cars that were going to slow just to teach myself patience. I would repeat the mantra: Waiting is.

Now I was never quite sure as to what followed the is, but I guess about anything.

Waiting is short?

Waiting is long?

Waiting is just what it is.

Sometimes there are things in life that seem beyond our control. And they probably are based upon the circumstances and our resources. So we resolve ourselves to waiting until the tides of life change and we move on in another direction or at least move on.

Today I am with the Tao and I am waiting. But maybe tomorrow I will be able to write again. That would be a very good thing.

Monday: Content or Discontent

2006-01-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.

Lao Tzu

In the midst of discomfort and even depression, it is often difficult to be content or to even rejoice. However, there is something very interesting to remember in the roller coaster that is life there will always be ups and downs. We try to maintain a state of stasis but inevitably either our thoughts or events in our life will switch things to another dimension of perception.

In our modern materialist society it is very hard when the bills are due and the money is short to recognize nothing is lacking. We are bombarded with messages from the media through advertisement, through talk shows, through the news that always things are out of balance. Even the wealthy will always feel lack in some way.

I was taught the art of survival by my mother who was seldom if ever seduced by the desire to own more. She was content with what she had and it was very minimalist to say the least. Yet I get caught up by the events and when money seems available do I save for a rainy day? No. And when a rainy day comes am I upset that I was foolish? Yes.

Yet, as I look at the ways things have unfolded, I have to admit that ultimately I am and was the creator of my destiny. Like many Americans and perhaps other cultures I am caught up in the materialistic fantasy that tomorrow will bring greater finances and I will be dancing in the lap of luxury again or at least at Walmart.

However, if I put things in perspective I realize that while I have fears about escalating costs of living and that I am aging and the odds of decreasing good health is probably inevitable I do feel fear. Yet, deep inside at the core, when I can get there and past the garbage that floats through my mind, I find that I am content.

Monday: Musings on past lives

2006-01-16T12:40:00.000-05:00

I have reached a time in my life that in retrospect it seems that I have lived many lives just in the sixty some years that I have inhabited this body on this planet.

Sometimes when I look back in time, I say who was that woman and how is she connected to me. My thoughts and dreams and perceptions have so changed over more than a half century that it is definitely a realization that I have been many people as I played the roles of each definition of who I am.

The years before 18 I cannot comprehend. I cannot relate to the energy and the passion and the confusion that was a part of my reality at that time. Well, maybe to the confusion. My eyes looked out to judge me by the reflection in the eyes of others. Was I pretty enough? Did boys like me? Did my family approve? Filled with questions about reactions trying to understand who I was and was I enough.

Then around twenty I became a mother. I looked at my feelings toward my children. My fear of not caring for them well enough. Dealt with the insane mother-in-law and basically just continued to define the new me that was mother and wife. I never found it particularly fun or charming except for moments once in awhile as I gazed at my children learning and developing. Other than that it was a labor intensive, emotional roller coaster that no person in her right mind would ever do if she thought about it outside of lust.

About 28, I started to become a worker in the economy. I had to worry about making money and developing skills. I became a salesperson and learned to be competitive and fight for what I wanted. I began to define me by my performance against others. Not as much looking for approval as looking for a paycheck that said I was doing well.

At 33, I shifted again and went to college where I practiced the path of academia and psychology. I learned to think critically and began to see the world with deeper and wider perceptions. As I graduated and became a therapist I began to develop greater empathy with those who were suffering. It was not how they say me but how I saw them. I began to write and publish my work.

At 48, I began a stronger spiritual journey. I continued studies that I had started in my late twenties when I became an astrologer and spiritual seeker. This was like a returning to another part of me but it was distinctly different. It was at this time that I began to combine my academic training and my spiritual training to become a greater counselor. I finished menopause and my conception of myself began to mutate from sexual to sensual.

Around 55, I began to withdraw from the world and interaction with others and came closer and closer to the cloister of the writer. And till this day this has grown stronger every year with less and impact of the world upon my private world. Unless it causes disruption in my life, I don’t really care what people say about me or what I do. Who I am is reflected in my writing and in my actions and not upon others responses. Now, I must admit that gleeful inner child in me likes applause but basically my drive is propelled by an inner to desire to creatively express my connection on many dimensions including mental, spiritual and physical. As I approach 62, I am excited to know what new me will emerge.

Monkey See Monkey Do

2006-01-12T09:27:00.000-05:00

I was born under the Chinese Zodiac sign of the monkey. Monkey is trickster and always keeping things active and stirring up the waters. In meditation, seeking a state of stillness is called stilling the monkey mind.

Monkeys can also be chameleons. They can take on the characteristics of people they are near in order to fit in. Often they are blessed or cursed with empathy. As an empath one actually takes on the feelings of another person. This can be used at times for healing. When someone is born an empath it often takes many years to learn whether what one is feelings is one’s own feelings or something that one is picking up from another person. Often those who appear to be unpredictable and changeable are really empaths reflecting the energy and emotional charge of their environment. This is a highly valuable tool for a therapist or counselor but it must be trained and controlled or you can imagine the madness that could happen.

My husband used to be really embarrassed when I would talk to people because I tend to take on their accents. He thought that I was mocking them. He learned over time that what I was doing was being the Monkey chameleon using my talent of empathy. Now he just sits amazed at times as I switch from sounding like a southerner to northerner and so forth.

The most difficult thing I have to deal with in controlling my empathy and intuitive skills is that I can become vulnerable to other peoples manipulation and emotions. It is then that I have to draw back in solitude to heal my spirit and clear from my soul what is mine and what is not mine.

The Path to Power

2006-01-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

Kahlil Gibran

The path to power is an inner journey. It is a journey that will lead one in many directions as one looks from the inside to the outside trying to resolve the dichotomy of inner perceptions and outer realities. When we face the conflicts between what we desire and what we have we are often wounded. We can be wounded when our expectations are not met as deeply as when people do hurtful things to us either physically or verbally.

Some people are born with a strong sense of self and purpose and they seem to face adversity with little outward showing of the scars of life. Others are just so lacking in perception that what ever happens in life it seems that they don’t even notice and just keep trudging along the path mindlessly. Others suffer from sensitivity so that some of the smallest things will send them reeling into deep angst or having to create illusionary realities to cope with the pain.

When we have honest friends along the way who have no agenda but to help us when things are tough and laugh with us when things are joyful, we find the journey to power less damaging. When we are an honest friend with no agenda but to help another when things are tough and laugh with him or her when things are joyful, he or she will find the journey to power less damaging.

Inner power is not the will to manipulate and control others but a drive to direct one’s own destiny. When we develop the skills to live in power in our minds and soul, we have completed the healing process and we can go forth as wounded healers. This empowerment will lead us on a quickening spiral of spiritual awareness that will bring us closer and closer to the knowledge of a divine spiritual connection that is the seed of power born within each soul.

Today in power I can choose to laugh, to cry, to yell, to dance, to rebel or acquiesce to life. In power, I realize I always have a choice.

My wish for you is that you always walk in power.

And the bird can set you free

2006-01-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

It was one of those times when I was in a state of total desolation. I felt lost, betrayed, confused and hurt. I felt that God had cursed me and turned his back upon me. I would find myself sobbing uncontrollably and not even knowing why I was so sad. I had a roof over my head. I had food. I had clothes. I did not have contentment much less happiness.

In many ways I find myself feeling that way right now. I feel overwhelmed by a great sense of sadness and even, almost, just for a moment, devoid of hope.

But then I remembered the lark.

Back at that other time of desolation, I finally threw up my hands and I said: God, if you exist give me a sign.

At that moment, on a very dark and dreary evening, I could see through the windows on the back porch door a bird hovering around the light. I called to Mark and he opened the door and held out his finger and the small creature jumped on. We made a makeshift box and created some food for it. The next day he went and bought a little cage.

I called a friend of mine who had a book on signs. I asked her to look up what this bird might mean. A bird represents God descending to mankind.

All day I thought about this bird and watched him in his little cage. That night was again dreary and so was I. I again said God if this is true please send me another sign.

Out side the window of the door appeared another finch. Mark again held out his finger and the bird jumped on and quickly joined his mate in the cage.

For the next few weeks every where I went I would see telephone lines filled with birds. More than I had ever seen in my life. I would walk out and get in my car and birds would follow me. I can tell you by this time my car was starting to look like it was painted with white polka dots.

I watched the caged birds and on another dreary day, I went and opened the back door and opened the cage door and let them fly free. Suddenly they were met by what seemed like hundreds of birds. As they soared free up toward the heavens the clouds parted and a rainbow appeared.

Yesterday, in another state of desolation that is effecting me still in this morning’s write, I heard the sound of a hawk. I called another friend who is a shaman and explained that for the last few days I had just been seeing dozens and dozens of crows and they just kept talking and talking as if they were talking to me. And also, there had been squirrels trying to get my attention. She explained to me that the crows were messengers and that the squirrel was a sign of gathering and the two combined was a message of success and abundance coming as I shared my words. Then I told her of the hawk. She, as my friend in past had done, had to look this up. The hawk is the sign of great spirit bringing us blessings.

Do not fear the dark, it is there where the light can shine most brightly. This morning this group gave me a candle in a time of darkness.

Wednesday: Make a Joyful Noise.

2006-01-04T09:33:00.000-05:00

If you are happy and you know it, your face will surely show it!

This song always makes me smile. I remember as a little girl learning this song in Sunday School. All the kids sounded so happy. Another line goes something like this: If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands. Every one would be giggling and clapping their hands with enthusiasm and while we might not have had a lot of talent we truly made a joyful noise.

Are you making a joyful noise?

As we start to grow older, it seems we become quieter and quieter in our expression of joy and happiness. We often turn to professionals to sing our songs of joy and tears afraid someone might hear us and disapprove. Sometimes we sing in the shower, but do we shower our lives with joyful sounds of song, laughter and dance?

Oh, many of us can raise our voices in anger, but unless one is in a little church in the south, one seldom hears someone raise his or her voice rejoicing like we kids did back before we learned that making a joyful noise was not our inside voice. I want my inside voice to jump out and have some fun. I want to dance and sing and play and not worry about if I will be perfect. If I am having fun, then I am perfect in my heart and where else can perfection be found?

My friend Cate Cavanagh has a wonderful way to let her joyful child out. She grabs her bottle of soapy water and runs around blowing bubbles. Blowing bubbles is truly a joyful expression.

What are you going to do to make a joyful noise today?

Laugh. Giggle. Smile. Lighten up the burdens that you carry.

Remember: to become enlightened one must lighten up!

Tuesday: In my reverie

2006-01-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

The mist is covering the mountain but as the shroud slowly slips away the stark trees of black create a mosaic of a keyboard of black on white and in my spirit music begins to play.

Old songs become like black magic evoking memories of love and romance, of mystery and passion, of laughter and pain.

And now the purple haze seductively drifts across the shadows in my mind and I recall the magic of it all.

I remember lying on the floor in the sun room on late summer evening as the moon would rise and my husband Jimmy would play softly to me the jazz that lifts my soul to ecstacy. Nothing but a darkened room with windows open to the moon and the words in my head go with the melody and reach up unto heaven. I would often feel that my spirit left my body and traveled up into the universe carried by each note that would be evoked as his hands stroked the keys.

As I sit and write and look at the trees creating the illusion of keys across the mist, music plays in my headset and my reverie becomes deeper and more longing while being truly in a state of joy. Fred Astaire is singing Putting on the Ritz... Dressed up like a million dollar trooper.... trying to look like Mr. Cooper. My hands begin to type in the rhythm of the music in ears. And now it switches, and the jazz moves forward 10 or 20 years and Rosemary Cloony fills my memories with I cried for you and now it is your turn to cry for me... can their be any greater magic than music that connects you to memories that were so amazing. Dancing. Swaying. Swinging. Feeling love as dance bands begin that happy rhythm. And I see myself smiling at Jimmy and I hear myself singing along... saying I cried for you now it is your turn to cry over me.

A gentle strum on the guitar joins the piano Dreamsville comes on and I feel like I am again floating on the notes up to the universe.

My fingers stop, my eyes close, and I remember summer nights, the windows open to the full moon, and the notes from the piano carrying me up in quiet joy and I forgive and forget the bad and stay in a few moments of pure contentment.

Guest Muser -- Sir William

2006-01-03T10:25:00.000-05:00

This is an exceptional write by my friend Sir William which he posted to the group http://yahoogroups.com/free_writers This is posted with permission.

Excerpt from an interview:

BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of... being helped by hidden hands?

JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

I rejoice that it not too late. Not too late to let go of the unchangeable past. Keep the lessons; spit out the guilt and remember the fun. There were a lot of fun times. And with that frame of mind, and a silly grin on my puss, I venture forth into every new day to have a good time of it.

I came to realize that bliss is exponential. And the equation is as simple as smiling. The more time you spend following your bliss, the greater number of doors to be opened. Spend a lot of time moaning and "If-only"ing, and all those doors remain closed. Zero will ever be zero.

Free-writers turned out to be a beautifully carved Teak door. Upon entry I discovered unexplored and unknown talents. More doors were opened for me by other members of this group, where love and encouragement and wisdom resides.

Public Access Television will soon be cablecasting in my geographic area. This is a huge door for me. Having been involved with P.A.T.V. in Albuquerque, I produced some decent shows that remained in their library for a number of years. But I had no true direction.

Verily doth visions of program production appear from the mists of my inner fog machine, which is used a lot when my left brain holds a rave. A program comprised of vignettes inspired in part by prompts from this group.

The magic of adrenalin and endorphin surges and gently wanes. Waves from Imagination Bay. Crikey what a rush.

I've determined that my doors will be on the plethora of islands throughout the bay. Each island is unique. I have chosen this scenario to help overcome my greatest obstacle; fear of the unknown.

During the family cruise, several years ago, I would lean on the railing watching the wake of our ship. A plastic jug caught my attention. Our ship surged by and the jug quickly became a distant speck and then was gone. I visualized myself being suddenly overboard and the safety of the ship is gone. I'm completely on my own. The kicker here is, I was visualizing this as a result of my jumping overboard. This is a true story, and I've contemplated upon it many times since.

Understand that I had no thoughts of doing it for real. And it has recently dawned on me that it was William pointing out to William that the greatest fears are imagined. It took a while for William Yang to accept the obvious.

And so, I hereby commit to my dream of producing for the screen. And my creative goals for the immediate future are writing the first couple of shows and attending the workshops beginning this coming Saturday.

I apologize for writing so much and saying so little - about the program itself - but more to come.

Monday: The Truth Set Me Free

2006-01-02T07:13:00.000-05:00

While New Year’s Day is supposed to feel like the start of something to me it was the ending of something.

And, that is definitely a good thing.

Trying to explain it is very difficult because it was so intensely emotional for me. Trying to explain it so I don’t sound like a big whiney baby kind of thing is much more difficult. Accepting my responsibility in the situation may be the most difficult of all.

I met a person who contracted with me to help her with a project. When we first met she seemed a little unusual and I felt some trepidation but what the heck it was supposedly a small project and I could use the money. This was supposedly a very spiritual person and that I thought was a good part of the project. She had a goal to help people and I thought that was a good idea. So the good seemed to outweigh the bad and I went ahead and agreed to help this person at a reduced rate. Boy I was patting myself on the back for being so nice on that one.

Thus began my three weeks of hell.

Lessons to be learned can often appear to us to be attractive and even when we have a little apprehension, for the most part we are drawn into the lives of Trauma Queens without realizing that we are being set up.

Lessons to be learned are usually fuzzy and not clear cut when they have to do with our spiritual and emotional self-development.

As I progressed through this living hell it became clearer and clearer to me that finding out exactly what this person wanted in her project was going to be increasingly difficult. Every time I would do something to contribute to the project she would change it. Then a few days later to she would change it back to the original way that I had done it. I received email after email with attachments that could not be opened. I explained time after time how it had to be sent until I finally suggested she copy and paste the information into an email. I then created the project for her with a certain amount of simplicity and clarity only to be told I had not done anything right. Well, I could go on and on, but here is the point of the lesson.

I was caught into fuzzy boundaries. Even when I would explain again what my boundaries were over she would accuse me of things and again break the boundaries or contract. A pattern was established of being nice and being nasty and it got to the point that I had to take a nerve pill before I could face my emails in the morning. I became increasingly ill physically. I was tired beyond belief. Then I realized what had happened. I had been seduced into the reality of a psychic vampire.

Now realizing that one has become a victim is not a happy recognition.

I was caught between two realities. I had agreed to complete this project but the vampire in order to keep me in her life sucking grips kept changing things and changing them again. So I had to get tough.

You know I have been brought up to be a polite person. The reality is you cannot always be nice to a toxic person. I worked on being detached and just keeping things on a straight professional basis and then the person would accuse me of being unprofessional. She would bring up issues that she knew would push my buttons (psychic vampires are very good at that). I knew that if I were to preserve my sanity I had to be very direct.

I finally said this is it.

One email after another came from her each switching and changing. I finally replied to the email and commented on each point she made and wrote her back asking if this was exactly what she wanted and if there were any changes she had until 2:00 pm to respond and I would make corrections and after that we were to have no further contact.

I finally got angry.

I woke up yesterday after realizing that I was really furious and had the right to draw a line and say do not cross this again.

All of a sudden my energy returned. All of a sudden I was set free. So New Year’s Day 2006 was an ending that allowed me to make a new beginning.

Sunday: I AM

2006-01-01T11:38:00.000-05:00

The changing energies that many of us have felt this year will manifest in even greater bursts of energy and opportunity in 2006. January 1, 2006 in numerology starts the year off with the number 1. This is the opening of a spiritual portal to begin many new projects. It is ruled by the sign Aries and the planet Mars. This indicates that we can plant seeds and prepare the spiritual soil for a truly life enhancing year.

Are you ready?

While many of us believe that we are here to serve others. We cannot serve others if we do not make us number 1. It takes courage to throw off all those old messages that say put others first; Stand back and let others take the lead; To put self first is selfish or somehow unspiritual. All of these messages planted in our head are really the boundaries that are keeping us from manifesting our destiny.

The simplest lesson from the number 1 and Mars/Aries is: I AM.

This year you have the opportunity to take responsibility for you and do what it takes to create a state of mental, emotional and spiritual health. As a spiritual warrior be brave in facing your wounds and your illusions about who you should be. Put on spiritual glasses and realize that you are in your essence divine, perfect and enough. There will be many signs over the next twelve months to guide you to complete healing and awareness of your power and while the path may have some pain do not avoid it. Don’t be afraid to be angry. Don’t be afraid to say no. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to say YES to you.

This year I choose to recognize with clarity and honor the real divine human being who I AM.

Inspiration for today’s muse comes from

Cate Cavenagh

Poet, columnist, author and activist

http://members.tripod.com/cate_cavanagh/catecavanagh/

Her Godmother

http://www.geocities.com/catecavanagh/Cate.html

and Grief Dance will be released soon by Ore Mountain Publishing House!

Thursday:The Look of Love

2005-12-29T11:26:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the old song:

The Look of Love is in your eyes, a look by heart can't deny.

Do you have the look of love -- a love that cannot be denied by those who meet you. Do you radiate an acceptance that just is naturally warm and accepting of others?

It might be in your heart and your true desire but is it showing where others can see it and respond by sharing in that pure warm energy of the heart?

I receive letters all the time from people who ask me: Myriam, why can't I find love? It is like the universe is against me in all my relationships. What can I do to find love in my life?

The answer is so simple that it almost makes me want to blush.

You first have to find love in the mirror before someone else can mirror it back to you.

If you want to find love you have to give love -- but first you have to give love to yourself. I am not talking about narcissistic adoration. I am talking about life-affirming unconditional acceptance of self. Just as the ultimate Mother accepts and love us with all our warts, wrinkles, lack of education or stunning humor, we must learn to accept and adore ourselves.

You must fall in love with you! Now, I know many of you are saying, "Myriam, I do love myself." However, are you deeply within your heart loving yourself as you are with complete acceptance. Answer some of the following questions to see how you treat yourself in a loving way:

Do you use the word should with yourself as in "I should not do that it is bad?"

Do you do something nice for yourself everyday that demonstrates care for the self and for your well being?

Do you protect yourself when others attack you or put you down?

Do you stand up for your rights and value your opinion versus the opinion of others?

Do you reward yourself when you do something well?

Do you create a sense of stability and financial welfare for yourself?

Do you take care of your physical health?

Do you take care of your emotional health and well being?

Do you take care of your spiritual well being?

If you answered yes to six or more of these questions, you are doing pretty well in the self-love department. If you answered yes to three or less you need to do some self-love building.

Building Love of the Self:

Learning to build a sense of love for the self may often require undoing some programming from growing up in a dysfunctional family. This is not impossible but may require some support and mentoring from a professional to help you learn the skills that will demonstrate love to self so that you can be healthy enough to love others. Some of your options are to select a personal coach or counselor that specializes in cognitive behavior modification (i.e.: as you think thus you act!) or to join a self-esteem support group.

Some tips to get you started include:

Repeat the following affirmation at least 3 times 3 times a day for a minimum of 28 days (perhaps starting on the new moon): I accept myself as a loved person.

Create a list of goals that will help you take control of nurturing yourself. Start on each of the questions that you answered in the negative above and choose one goal per month. You might not like your financial situation. In that case, you would perhaps make it a goal to seek out a financial planner to learn the skills that you need to improve your financial security. Or you might need a job coach to help you obtain a better paying job. Don't overwhelm yourself. Choose only one goal per month and work on it. If you haven't completed it in a month than give yourself more time and don't move on to another until you have succeeded in achieving your objective.

Imagine yourself in a chair and have a conversation with yourself. Tell yourself everything that you think is really neat about yourself. You can then write these in your journal. Every time you think of something else good or great or wonderful about yourself write it in your journal.

Celebrate your successes. Look for the little ones each day and congratulate yourself for a job well done -- just like a good mom would do.

If you are in the love zone inside or if you are working on entering the love zone, it is time to take the love in your heart and allow the world to share it with all the warmth that you can muster. I can assure you the more you share this warmth, the hotter it will grow until you are a radiant loving being that others just naturally gravitate to.

To get the love light shining:

Picture a pure warm pink light surrounding your heart. Feel the warmth and comfort. Let it spread through out your whole being until you just feel warm and tingly all over. Experience the warmth of this love with no expectancy or with no conditions. Just be in love.

When you meet others, evoke this warm pink light in your heart and imagine that it is radiating from you to the other person. You will be amazed at how magical this can be when you manifest your love from inside yourself to the other. Even the most difficult person or sullen boss will respond to this in a positive manner -- of course, some will take longer to become aware than others but that is because they haven't learned about love yet but you are going to teach them.

Think of every person that you know or have known -- whether a good or bad experience -- and picture them surrounded by this wonderful glow of love. If you want to throw in a dose of forgiveness for behaviors that might have hurt you, it might just raise your love vibration a big notch or two.

At first you might feel a little uncomfortable working with learning to love yourself but in time it will become natural. You will learn that the love that is centered in your heart and in your soul will heal you and those around you. Your life will be overflowing with the joy and contentment that true love brings an individual. You will have become not only the one who loves but you will be the beloved.

I send to you my warmest love in your exploration of heart healing.

Tuesday: If it is not fun, you are not doing it right!

2005-12-27T09:18:00.000-05:00

Fun is good.

Dr. Seuss

As I grow older my philosophy about life has grown and evolved. Basically it is this: If it is not fun, I am not going to do it.

It seems that from the time we are born, people seem to think that the word “should” should direct our lives. Our parents think we should do things a certain way. Our church leaders think we should do things a certain way. Our teachers think we should do things a certain way. Our spouses and children think we should do things in a certain way. Our employers think we should do things a certain way. Even, the government has the audacity to stick it’s nose into our private lives and think we should do things a certain way. These people and institutions get so strongly embedded in our heads that pretty soon we are living life on automatic pilot and fun and spontaneity has disappeared from our lives and just the pure essence of joy is covered by should.

I don’t know when I came to the realization that the only one who was going to direct by behavior is me. It is a big step to take back our individual power and to be responsible for how, why and what we do and think. We have so long been indoctrinated that it is very difficult to cut these strings that make us act as puppets with society and culture pulling our strings. I am sure you have said this to yourself at one time or another: I would really like to do this or that but so and so just might be hurt or not like it if I do.

When I define fun what I mean is doing something because I like to do it and if others approve or disapprove it is not my problem. Some of the things that I think are fun others would think would be a total bore. Some of the things others like to do, I find totally idiotic and mindless. But guess what -- freedom gives us the right to do stupid and idiotic things as long as we do not harm another person. And I can’t expect that freedom for me if I don’t give you the same rights of personal choice.

I have to admit sometimes I still do some things that are not fun. But this is usually a conscious choice and not an obligation or a pile of should raining down on my head from others. Earlier in life this was not always true sometimes I just did things because I had to but slowly my inner child seeking joy began to rebel. I felt that rebellious voice every time I did something and I felt resentment, anger or stress when doing it. And when I feel these negative feelings now, I know that in some way either consciously or unconsciously I have given away a bit of my power in a way that just made my rebellious inner child stomp her foot and have a hissy-fit. A hissy-fit is what my Mother used to call my behavior when I was little and being totally rebellious against her rules. As I aged I learned to disguise my rebellion in different ways but that little rebel inside me was still alive and kicking my guilt button till I finally decided my life would be inner-directed rather than outward-directed.

Sometimes we are lucky. What we desire on the inside and what is requested from the outside coincide. That is when fun and joy become a glorious explosion of pure pleasure. These events happen with greater regularity now as I am becoming clearer about what is fun to me and what is not in the least bit any fun at all. I am slowly stopping doing the stupid stuff that stresses me out. I am slowly eliminating people from my life who create more pain than joy. I am learning to say NO way when someone asks me to do something that sounds boring, stressful or just plain stupid.

If you are not having fun, it is time to figure out what is fun. Most importantly you need to learn to say NO adamantly and clearly to people who want to bring a few miserable “shoulds” into your life.

So if you would like to be happy the rest of your life, consider following my philosophy of life:

If it is not fun, don’t do it!

Sunday: Spirituality versus Religion

2005-12-25T10:29:00.000-05:00

There are many paths to enlightenment.
Be sure to take the one with a heart.

- Lao Tzu

When My mother was a child there were not any choices to be considered in one's search to manifest the spiritual in one's day to day life. Back in Flattop, West Virginia, there was one little white church that all the surrounding farms and community supported. God and his son, Jesus, were white saviors of the world. Most of the ministers had little education and were filled with the zeal of the "Holy Spirit" and their words would create a simple solution: Believe in the white Jesus and live - don't believe and die and suffer in hell's fire.

However, the ministers (preacher men) reflected their culture of uneducated, hard working, god-fearing folks doing their best to survive in a very harsh world. Simple people needed simple answers to complex questions.

Today, there are no apparent simple answers to complex questions unless one is a simple person. Fortunately or unfortunately, we as a species are growing in spiritual and emotional complexity and as we evolve our spiritual needs are evolving.

With increased awareness of the diversity that exists throughout our cultures, we must now look for answers that fit our new perspectives and we are becoming ever more aware that truth is not an absolute but a moving, changing, media moment that impacts us with increasing rapidity.

Is God Dead?

It is no wonder that the searing words of Nietzsche made headlines: "God is dead!" reverberated through the media and through the thousands of little white churches across the world. Perhaps more appropriate words would be: God as we knew God is now dead. But the good news is that with the dawning of a new age of awareness, the divine is being reborn. We are all becoming more and more aware that our lives are fuller with a sense of spiritual connection. But the God of our fathers has not walked the information highway! Instead there is emerging a new fusion of spiritual concepts that come from every point on the globe.

Reincarnation. Goddess instead of God. Pagans. Wiccans. Buddhists. Muslims. Voodouns. Jews. Christians. Taoists. Angels and Demons. The images floating through our world reflect a new metaphor emerging where spirituality is now reaching a critical mass and is mutating into a new expression.

Some may find a label that feels comfortable to them but for many of us the labels are just to explain in a simple way our beliefs. There are people who try to identify themselves when asked and who come up with names such as Eclectic Neo-Pagan of the Alexandrian Order on the Dianic Path. This is stretching things a bit, but what a mouthful! But, the simple days are over. The simple explanations are over. However, the pursuit has not changed since man first looked at the stars and saw God reflected in the lights amid the darkness. We are all looking for a way to light our passage through the dark complexities of the unknown and to celebrate the joys we feel in the light.

Spirituality versus Religion

The main difference between Spirituality and Religion is the freedom to choose your own path towards enlightenment and ultimately, recognition of our Divine selves.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with many religions and belief systems, except that they are exclusionary and limiting. The main goals and ideals of most world religions are very much the same, but in most we are taught that as followers of a particular belief system, we are right, we will be saved and the others, well, poor unenlightened ones, they will be left behind. If we live by the book and do what we are told, we will one day (in our afterlife of course) attain spiritual unity or understanding with the Divine. Until then, we can only hope to escape punishment or notice or at best, be graced with a heavenly pat on the head for good behavior, from a judgmental god or deity.

Whether one chooses a spiritual path or the path comes to one through the heritage of one's culture, as Joseph Campbell suggested in his extensive research of religion and myth, religion is metaphor no matter what mask it wears. Religion is a metaphor for the finite mind to comprehend the infinite qualities of deity. This deity, at its source, is the same regardless of the mask.

Choosing A Spiritual Path

The vast majority of us are hugely in need of healing and hope in all areas of our being: mind, body, emotions and spirit. For many of those brought up in traditional religions, vast and seemingly impenetrable walls around our true selves need to be knocked down, sometimes stone by stone, before we can gut-wrenchingly see that the walls are only an illusion keeping us separate from each other and from Spirit.

Most religions, while they contain many truths, are fear-based and deny the miracle of the Divinity in our souls. By doing so, they limit the amount of love we can give to ourselves, and therefore naturally, the love that we can give each other. Instead, we judge, we fear, we hold back - and we don’t even recognize that we are doing so, and thereby we deny the utmost beauty of life itself. However, we must come to realize with our logical mind that religions were originally created to help mankind deal with the great fear of death and dying and mortality versus immortality. Once we understand this premise it is easier to move beyond irrational response to spirituality through fear and to move on to a higher expression of love and divine connection.

There is no one who can tell you how to find your personal truth or your blazing, undeniable truthful connection with the Great Spirit. (God/dess, the Creator, the Infinite, the One, (or the Many) or whatever represents the Divine to you. We are abundantly blessed in the Western world to live without fear of persecution for exploring and expressing our spiritual beliefs, and we should make the most of this freedom. In choosing the paths which best express our personal truths and innermost beliefs, we honor ourselves and each other, and most of all, we celebrate Spirit.

Saturday: What makes a relationship last?

2005-12-24T09:07:00.000-05:00

What makes a relationship last?

As I did my morning muse today, the focus was on Ava Gardner an American actress born on Christmas Eve way back in 1922. Ava along with many Americans was married more than a couple of times. She said something to the effect that she loved well but not wisely. This struck a cord in my heart as you see I have also been married three times. Whether one chooses to marry or just live with someone the issue of what ends a relationship and what keeps two people together is a deep and difficult question.

Jokingly I will say the key to a lasting marriage is to never be crazy at the same time.

However, I think there is some truth to this statement. We all have times in our life when we literally through stress or other issues go a little crazy. When we are like this, we are at a low point in life and it is then that a loving companion is needed to support us as we go through these times. Unfortunately if we are with a companion who cannot support us when we are going through bad times or if we are with a companion that is actually a crazy maker, we need to move on.

This time of year is one of the most stressful of all holidays. The commercialism of the holidays, not just Christmas but others as well, put the focus on a very sad point: If you love me you will buy me stuff. It is a travesty that the season of love is held hostage by Walmart. It really is a mute point whether one is a Christian or a heathen or an atheist.

On Christmas day there will be an increase in suicides. On Christmas day there will be an increase in family violence. On Christmas day instead of joy there will be sadness because expectations and reality do not walk in lock step. There will be arguments and bickering. Oh sure tables will be laden and so will credit cards and people will put on happy clown faces but in our hearts many will experience great sadness. Some will be lucky and just take this time as a great time to just be with loved ones. Others, however, will be alone and this takes a special kind of person who has not bought into the message of the holidays.

The longest relationship one will ever have is with self. When one learns to truly love self, then relationships with others are just add-ons to the quality of life. When we focus on what self doesn’t have then depression and sadness comes to us. If instead we take the focus off of self knowing that self will always be our companion in our journey through life and instead place focus on sharing this love of self with others, there is going to be a healing. How does a relationship last with an ample dose of self-love. When we come to completely love and accept self, our other relationships are going to become stronger and healthier. When we come to completely love and forgive self, our relationships are going to become kinder and more forgiving. When we accept that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we are going to understand and acknowledge the other spiritual beings being human.

How do we make a relationship last. We love. We love self. When we love self than we can more fully love and accept others.

Thursday: Just Stuff that Makes Life

2005-12-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. Emerson

Our lives are not always made of big things but little things that we share along our path with others. Friendships don’t just automatically happen but are defined by moments that we remember.

I have had times when I have met a few people and they were immediately my new best friend. But the ones who continue through life with me whether in person or in my heart are the ones who have shared so many events in my life or have shared life-changing events only to disappear.

Some of the memories bring a smile to my heart. Others bring a tear or two. But joy and sorrow are the ties that bind us together as family, friends and community. I believe it is a hard-wired need in the healthy human being to need others and to be needed. The way this is shown is the shared experiences whether by actually going through the experience together or the telling of our stories.

All that I have become and all that I will become are integral to the experiences in my life. Some of them I have because of them and some in spite of them. I think the latter maybe the most powerful life changing events that I have known.

There is something about acknowledging that one has over come adversity and came out a little scarred but still surviving and having a will to carry on even when times are tough.

The scars on our bodies and on our hearts and souls are badges of courage. We may hold some resentment about having to earn those badges but if we take the time we can instead sing our praises for being able to go on when someone else might have given up.

The scars that are on our bodies are not so easy to hide. Sometimes, as in my case, a good plastic surgeon can repair the damage so that others do not notice but when we look in the mirror the image of the damage is still etched in our memories and we see not who we are just as who we are but who we are after having a traumatic injury.

The scars in our hearts and souls we can often hide from others but they are never hidden from self. We may desensitize to the pain of emotional and spiritual trauma and even eventually heal, but we are scarred regardless of what we want to deny or avoid.

These psychological and psychic scars are the so called buttons that other people can push and make us re-feel the fears, anger, separation anxiety and other emotional responses. Sometimes they are so hidden deep inside that we do not remember them consciously. But until we come to deal with them and bring them to light in our minds they can continue to leave us wounded. These psychological and psychic wounds can direct us to act in ways that are not to our higher good..

When we react to another person in a way that seems inappropriate or not equal to the energy that was presented to us, then we know that old wounds have been awakened. When others respond to what we have said or done in a way that seems inappropriate or not equal to the energy that we presented then we know that old wounds have been awakened.

I can tell you right now if you ask the person who got angry or attacked you concerning something that seems innocuous or innocent or of not much importance, it is not going to do any good to tell them this unless you and that person have a long history of helping each other grow and heal. You might as well tell a feral cat to turn over and let you scratch its belly because you are going to get wounded even more. The only thing that you can do is try to analyze exactly what button you pushed and do your best to avoid it in the future. If this happens more than a couple of times, you need to remove that person from your reality if at all possible. It may be almost impossible to do this if you work with someone and he or she is the one who is constantly either pushing your buttons (sometimes even deliberately) or you are the one that is the button pusher. If this is consistent, you could almost bet that you are in a work place where there is definitely not a goodness of fit and it is time to start sending out resumes. If it is a personal relationship with a significant other or a family member, you need to toughen up and remove that person from your life.

Now sometimes, if we are lucky, a new friend may have the same agenda that you do to heal your wounds and continue to grow and when that happens sing praises for the blessing of that friendship you have been given. The friends that continue through our lives if we are on a true spiritual path and not doing a religious mouth service are the ones that will be loving enough to hear when we feel hurt and help us work through when something has hurt us or be tolerant enough to wait until we are able to face our inner pain. You know you have a true friend when you say I cannot discuss this now but I was hurt by what you said or did but can we come back later to discuss it and when you are ready, they are still willing to be your helper in your healing. You know you are a true friend when someone says you have hurt them but they can’t talk about it now but leave the door open to come back and heal a little more of the wounds in your hearts.

There are lots of stuff in life that can wound us. There are lots of stuff in life that can give us joy. And while the goal is to heal the old wounds so that the joy has a happier internal environment one is going to continue to grow and prosper in love and friendship.

Sometimes things are so hidden that we might not be able to get there and resolve the issues and forgive the past hurts. When that happens, there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to avoid pain if at all possible. To avoid hurting oneself when it serves no purpose is not denial it is wisdom. There is an old joke about a patient going to see his doctor and old and wise person and saying: When I push here pointing to a spot on his leg, it hurts. What is your advice Doc? The wise old doctor said: My advice is to quit pushing that spot.

Quit pushing the spots that hurt in you and in other people. Look for the places to caress with words and actions that bring joy and pleasure.

I want to thank my friend Patrick Gordon for inspiring today's muse.

Tuesday: Silence of the Silent Majority

2005-12-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

There is a joy that comes from having true friends that cannot fully be expressed. As we come to the end of the year 2005, I am reminded of the many people that have blessed my life over the years. Some for a sudden encounter while traveling that I never saw again and others that have traveled through life with me for great periods of time.

It is the others that help us define who we are and whom we will become. That is a very precious gift that is above price.

It is written that you cannot change another person but that is so far from the truth that it is almost laughable. You cannot have complete control over another person unless you have them locked in the basement but that isn’t much fun even with a dog it is a rather boring idea. However, we do change each other sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes dramatically.

Have you ever had a friend say something in such a way that all of a sudden you do a total mind shift about an idea or concept?

It is the interaction with others that helps keep our minds growing and expanding and thus that is how we help others change and they help us change. Sometimes even the dumbest statements can have a profound impact on how we perceive our world, our selves, and our realities. I think some of the dumbest statements that I have heard uttered by another human being is Pat Robertson the fundamentalist right wing wacko who claims to be the voice of God incarnate. Now I basically believe that the constitutional guarantee of free speech is more important when it protects the person whom I totally disagree with than protecting those with whom I find conceptually sound. However, when Robertson and his ilk began to use the media to try and legislate morality I must admit I became a bit offended but again he has the right to rant, lie and be delusional or this truly would not be a free country.

I have a little story to illustrate a point about how a friend and an enemy can truly create a mind shift.

Where I live is called by many the Bible belt. I live about an hour from Robertson and his Liberty University. After the daily morning show, on would come dear old Pat the racist, misogynous, homophobe. One morning he suggested that the United States should assassinate the president of Venezuela. This man Pat Robertson if you will recall suggested that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were the fault of Americans because we were living a life of sin by permitting homosexuals and so forth to do what they do.

It was because of stupidity like this being spoken from the pulpits of churches that I was required to attend growing up that truly caused me a crisis of faith. I think the nail in the coffin that buried my belief was when fundamentalist Christian ministers across the country would use the power of their pulpit to frighten their congregation in order to prevent them from voting for John F. Kennedy. Their reason for fear was that Kennedy was a Catholic and he would have to answer to the Pope of the Catholic church and thus America would be run by the Vatican City.

Every time I hear someone like Robertson I shutter at how people lives are twisted by lies that have nothing to do with God but with the private madness of ministers, religions and their followers. They call themselves Pastors because they are here to guide their flocks of sheep. To be a sheep is to be one who does not think for oneself. These men of God feel that what they speak is literally a channeling of the mind of God.

As you can gather I had developed a mind set about Christians and in particular Protestants. That was until I met a special person named Janet Elaine Smith. Janet had been a missionary to Venezuela for quite a few years. Now when I first heard this I was a little put off because what I had been taught is that the role of a missionary is to proselytize and destroy indigenous religions that were not Christianity. When missionaries were recruited and trained, they were charged to go to the dark continents and save the heathens. Well that might have been what the folks back home thought when Janet went off to Venezuela with a mission to help. Janet did not demonstrate her love of humanity and God by trying to destroy the faith of the people who by the time she arrived were primarily Catholic, instead she reached out with love and kindness to help them create healthier and happier lives. In fact, she was so admired by the people that she was actually invited for dinner at the house of the President of Venezuela.

Now here is where the story gets interesting. Janet and I were talking about Robertson’s call to assassinate the President of Venezuela. As I snickeringly said to her: that is just so Christian of him! She laughed at my statement. The next time I talked to her she had personally called the Venezuelan Ambassador to the United States. How she got through to him is another story best told by her. However, she did get him on the phone and she reportedly said to him. Mr. Ambassador, I am a former missionary to Venezuela and while I was there I even had dinner with the former president. I am calling to you to personally apologize to you for the words of Pat Robertson and to let you know that most Christians in the United States in no way condones this kind of behavior or way of thinking.

Overtime Janet has managed to heal the distrust that I had for Christians because of my exposure to the radical right that has so perpetuated hate, anger, and in effect act as anti-Christ.

To my amusement yesterday I had forgotten to change the channel at the end of the morning show and actually had the TV on mute. It was then I had one of the moments of epiphany in that I learned that perhaps not all who live in this Bible belt support the words of this man Pat Robertson. On the top of the screen throughout the show was a banner that read: This is a paid television program and does not necessarily represent the thoughts and opinions of this station.

I was definitely uplifted and did a little happy chair dance of joy.

I want to personally thank Janet Elaine Smith for accepting my belief that God is too big for one religion and the only way to truly know a spiritual person is to see her work.

Monday: It is intuitively obvious

2005-12-19T09:03:00.000-05:00

Beth could not reason upon or explain the faith that gave her courage and patience to give up life, and cheerfully wait for death. Like a confiding child, she asked no questions, but left everything to God and nature, Father and Mother of us all, feeling sure that they, and they only, could teach and strengthen heart and spirit for this life and the life to come.
in Little Women, chapter 36

I think that before I could walk God has been a part of my reality. The only issue was as I grew and learned more about the world, I began to question is this just an illusion or is there a divine spirit that has an impact on mankind and our world.

I finally was able to resolve the issue when I was about the age of 28 or 30. I came to realize that it was pretty impossible to scientifically prove a divine power. I also came to realize that religions do have a function in the reality of humans. However, recognizing function did not mean that God existed. It only demonstrated that religion and the belief in God had a potential for a positive function in people’s lives. Of course, the most obvious reason is that it helps us deal with the absolute truth that everyone dies and it is easier to cope with the idea of death if we can project a special place where death is not the end of a journey but a continuation of a journey. It is very hard for human beings to accept that they do not exist after death.

Religion is not based upon proof or even truth but upon need to help us go through the markers of life such as birth, death, illness, suffering and celebration of events like marriage (and perhaps today, with divorce). The rituals bring a sense of stability and comfort in coping with a very chaotic and basically unpredictable reality in which we find ourselves.

As I thought and theorized about this concept of God and humanity, I came to some conclusions that have helped me over the years to rationalize my own personal needs to connect with the divine. If I don’t believe and God is real, it will not change the reality of God. If I believe and God is not real, it will not change the reality of God. However, I do find my life is more fulfilling and more comfortable to believe in a God and even sometimes in a Goddess. I think that I find it most comforting to believe that a divine spirit sparks the universe. Overtime, my relationship with this concept of divine mind has definitely changed and mutated to the place where I am now in my choosing to have faith in the face of the illogical or perhaps my inability to perceive a concept of infinite mind and that life in some form or another continues and is a part of my perceived reality.

However, another issue that has continued to haunt me over time is that most people when they choose to become religious have to take ownership of God and say that their God is the only God and their beliefs are the only reality. I have read and seen that all kinds of atrocities have been committed by one culture or another who hold the belief that only their beliefs are the gift to the true believer. That illusion can be as true of the atheist as the theist.

Many mainstream religions actually have built in defenses of the faith where critical thought is seen as the seduction of evil. The story of Adam and Eve and the eating of the Apple of the Tree of Life which would give them knowledge and thus isolate them from the safety and security of God is a perfect example about how most religions can only exist in a state of unchallenged belief and the avoidance of critical thought. Critical thought is considered the work of the devil, Satan or the anti-Christ. In many religions including Christianity and Muslim to think and question one’s faith is heresy and thus we have a history that to think and question divinity and especially the divinity of one’s personal faith is heresy and in many cases can result in death and public execution.

While there have been many free-thinkers and critical thinkers through out history, they usually had to write their words in parables and metaphor in order to stay alive. It is a lot easier to die for the faith than to die for the lack of faith.

I have seen many miracles through out my life. Miracles that I could not explain. However, while I can say I have experienced these I cannot definitively say that they are connected with a god. I can only say that out of chaos and I saw some order arise for a few moments in time. But do I still have faith? Yes. Why? Because I chose to believe that there is more to the many dimensions and infinite realities than what I see in our four dimensional reality. Is it logical? No. But it is intuitively obvious.

In closing I would like to say that it is not as important to worry about life after death as it is to consider insuring that life before death is as happy and joyful and content as possible. Now, that definitely is intuitively obvious.

Tuesday: You are the Miracle

2005-12-13T13:22:00.000-05:00

What is a miracle?

We can all come up with examples. A dying person who suddenly is healed of illness. Barely missing being hit by another vehicle by just a few seconds. There are thousands and thousands of examples of miracles that surround us if we but take a moment to be aware. Sure we are awestruck by the big and hugely mysterious miracles of life.

But sometimes the greatest miracles are the smallest.

When we choose to do something for another person in unconditional love with no expectation of a return we become the miracle.

It doesn’t take much to become a part of a bigger miracle that is spreading through out the collective consciousness of humanity. All it takes is to take a moment to do something kind, something good, something that just says from my heart to yours I send you love.

True most of us spend our days surviving, taking care of responsibilities, trying just to get by, but each one of us has a special opportunity to share the most important miracle of all... that is love.

As you search your heart and come to realize that you are the manifestation of the miracle, it will reverberate through all humanity. True some have their ears closed but with constant affirmation to recognize that we can walk out of fear and into love, we will help the blind to see and the deaf to hear.

Be the Miracle today.

http://manifestreality.com/muse.html to be a part of the miracle manifesting in one families life today.

Monday: My Way

2005-12-12T12:54:00.000-05:00

Whether we recognize it or not, we all do life in our own way. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power to do this by blaming other people when things do not turn out the way we want. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power by blaming the government or other institution. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power by blaming God or spirit.

Just because we deny our power does not mean that we do not have power.

I have never understood why we fear being powerful. What do we have to gain by pretending that we are less than what we are? What is the game that we play with ourselves by denying our own divinity?

This question has puzzled me for years and it will probably continue to puzzle me as I watch people set into action events and behaviors that create pain and suffering. Some will say that they are angry but they rant and rave rather than acting to change situations. There is no situations where we do not have options as to how to act or respond yet we deny that we always have the power of choice.

How do we learn why we choose to dis-empower self? I am working on that one myself as I also will fall victim to my own games of perceiving me as powerless. If you have comments about this I would love for you to share them.

Why do you fear your own power?

Sunday: It's not my problem

2005-12-11T08:43:00.000-05:00

Let this become your key - next time when anger comes, just watch it. Don't say, “I am angry.” Say, “Anger is there and I am watching it.” And see the difference! The difference is vast. Suddenly you are out of the grip of anger. If you can say, “I am just a watcher, I am not anger,” you are out of the grip.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

To find peace when all the world is in chaos is a true blessing. To find comfort in the middle of suffering is a blessing. To find contentment in the middle of needing is a blessing.

So often we find ourselves wandering into area of reaction that really do not serve our higher good. We find that circumstances seem to grip us and make us want to just lose control of our greatest ability, the ability to chose our own reactions to a situation.

The past few weeks I found myself spinning out of control... out of self-control would be a better word. There is nothing wrong with any emotion or any feeling. However, there is something wrong with not accepting the fact that we always have a choice about how we react. As I let go of some of this realization and allowed others in the world to impact how I was going to feel, I truly felt dis-empowered. I felt less. I felt miserable to put it quite bluntly.

So in desperation I took a day off from my regular routine. I really had to process my reaction to that choice. I felt lost doing nothing for a whole day. It was truly strange. I watched TV. I slept. I did nothing that was in anyway productive or so I thought. I have to say I came as close to guilt as I get and I don’t usually go near guilt with a ten foot pole.

However, an amazing thing happened this morning. I feel refreshed. I feel renewed. I am starting to feel a zest again that I thought that I had lost. I guess this brain of mine needed some downtime.

It is funny I know longer feel pressed, stressed or a sense of being out of control. I am at a state of realization that it was just my reaction to the changes that I am going through in my life and that I always have the option to change and evolve even if others do not like it. As much as I know that we all have the right to create our own boundaries and say no, I thought that I had to make up excuses for saying no to something I did not want to do. I don’t know whether the excuses were for me or for someone else, I just know that in that needing to have an excuse to do or not do something I create a state of discomfort. I don’t like that. I hope that in the future I will remember that I always have the right to say no and not feel guilty because I am sensitive and cannot handle some kinds of energies that other people don’t even notice. Or if they do notice them act in a negative manner.

I am hoping that finally I have learned the truth of the statement: It’s not my problem.

Friday: Anger and Fear

2005-12-09T08:42:00.000-05:00

When do we get angry? It is natural to feel anger when one feels threatened or hurt. But when someone else is angry with us does that naturally mean that we have done something to threaten them or hurt them?

No it doesn’t.

Sometimes the anger that comes toward us is anger passing through the other person from another source. When they cannot handle the threat that they perceive they will often attack a safer target in order to release the tensions of anger.

Also, when we think we are angry at another specific person does it mean that they have done something to threaten them or hurt them?

No it doesn’t.

Empaths and intuitives often have trouble with negative emotions until they learn to differentiate the anger that they feel as either their own real anger or something that they are picking up from another person. Does an empath have to own every emotion that they feel?

No they don’t.

All of us whether aware of it or not are born with a certain amount of psychic ability. Often what we are processing and thinking of as anger is not a direct or overt thought. It can often be that we pick up emotional energies from others and even from the universe. When energy shifts happen as with the current Mars Jupiter opposition there is an exponential rising of energies which can manifest in several ways: anger, passion, spiritual zeal, righteous indignation and so forth. How we use these energies is up to us. Do we have to act upon these feelings and energies?

No we do not.

We must not however ignore them. It is in the times of shifting energies that it is important to become still and become a witness to our own processes. The logical mind needs to observe and control the reactions of the emotional mind. First, look and see if the perceived threat or hurt is real. Is someone really going to cause us harm? Or, is that person actually feeling hurt right now and striking back at us like a wounded soul with no way to show their pain except anger? Can we change the way another person feels?

No we cannot.

We can control how we respond. Learning to be detached when we feel like we are attacked is extremely difficult. It takes years of training and learning meditative stillness. And even the most spiritual person will have times when they cannot not respond to the energies of anger coming from another person. I remember my father used to say that Christ said to turn the other cheek, but he did not say what we were to do if we were slapped again after we turned the other cheek. He would wink and smile and then add, sometimes you just have to fight back. Do we have a choice about how we react?

Yes we do.

Will it change how the other person is acting? Maybe or maybe not. Eventually we must all learn that the only person we will ever really control is self. I know we have read and heard this statement over and over again. But maybe it is time to hear it again.

Today, let us choose to turn away from anger and go to that quiet space in our spirit where peace exists and draw it forth into a brand new day.

Thursday: Fearless

2005-12-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.

Jim Morrison

When I was 28 I made a major discovery. I could become frozen by stage fright. The very idea of being in front of people performing or talking or just being terrified me. It was then that I vowed to me that every time I felt that sense of numbing paralysis that is fear fill my heart, that I would face it and eradicate it from my very being.

As I looked at my fear of being before people on a stage, I realized something extremely interesting. The rush of adrenalin of fear and excitement created the physiological response. Fear was a label that I put on an emotional experience in a negative way. I then began to work on re-framing my labeling of my senses into one of excitement rather than fear. Over time, I became quite adept at speaking in front of crowds. In fact, I over came it to the point that I eventually became spokesperson for a public television station and became an on-air fund raiser. I also had a talk show five days a week where I would interview people. I conquered my fear of public performance and thus was free to move on with other things in my life.

Other fears rose up to meet me upon my path of self-development. I was totally terrified of birds or anything with feathers. The movie The Birds was the ultimate terror film. In this case I used desensitization to eliminate this fear. I began to have birds as pets. I started with little budgies and in about twenty years I finally graduated to having a cockatiel. I grew to the point that I could sit on Jackson Square in New Orleans and feed the pigeons. Now, I have to admit that chickens still stir some discomfort and I don’t want to hold one or pet it, but I figure how many chickens are going to cross my path.

The biggest fear that I had, perhaps, was of God. I grew up in a Bible-thumping fundamentalist home where death and fear and destruction by fire and brimstone were regular Sunday fare. My first coping with this was to just say God did not exist. If it did not exist, it could not harm me. I learned through time that denial did not conquer my fear because my real fear was that God did exist but in a negative way. It was irrational to me. I finally said in desperation one rainy, cold evening, God if you exist and are good, give me a sign. At that moment I looked and outside the back door through the window I could see a finch. I called my husband. He went outside. Held out his finger and the finch jumped upon it to safety from the storm. He brought the poor creature in the house and we put in a box until we could get a cage the next day. I also called a friend and said what can this mean? She looked up the meaning of bird as a symbol, and the answer was: The spirit of God descending!

After many years of fear, I was still rather skeptical and wanted further proof. I asked again. Again another finch appeared outside the window and Mark brought it in to join the other one in the cage.

The irony of God using a bird symbol of my fear as an answer to say “Fear Not!” did not escape me.

I would like to say that I am totally free of fear but that would be a lie. However, I am gentle with me as I continue on my path to look at my fears and give me the time and exploration that I need to face these fears with an open heart and open mind.

Today, do not fear the dark because that is where the light will shine brightest.

Wednesday: Season of Peace

2005-12-07T08:21:00.000-05:00

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

How do I find peace within? Certainly not be looking out. If I am caught up in all the good, the bad, and the ugly of the world I will seldom find a sense of deep inner peace and connection with the divine.

If I am caught up in expectations that are totally unrealistic about holidays, jobs, having the right clothes, having a perfect family and so forth, then peace, deep abiding peace, will evade me.

The only way any of us can turn a season of discontent into a season of peace is to accept that our purpose and definition of value in life is under our control.

It has been written that pain is unavoidable but suffering is a choice. Suffering is a reaction to some thing that causes discomfort. Chaos and anger and negative energies are painful but I do not have to suffer them. To have peace, everlasting awe inspiring peace, one must recognize that one always has a choice to walk away from that which makes one feel that one must suffer. Now it is true over time and aging there will be events and physical issues that will create pain but if I have established a place in my soul, in my spirit, that is at peace within me than I will not suffer. While there is a season and a reason for everything under the sun, within my heart I choose to live always in a season of peace.

Tuesday: Fun Again

2005-12-06T07:01:00.000-05:00

When I was a child, I spoke like a child. When I became a woman I put away childish toys.
Myriam Maytorena 1975

How I have grown over the years. I remember well writing those words and thinking that I was so clever. Yet today I realize that I was saying I was not going to be driven to act based upon immature emotions. In effect, I threw out my fun-loving inner child with the bath water. Over time I have realized that what I truly was trying to get rid of was the child that was only acting to get applause or a reaction.

As you watch a child as it learns to play and explore the world around it, she is in a state of complete bliss and self-absorption. She doesn’t care if you are watching or not. She laughs. She giggles. She smiles. She is tickled by adventure. When one is a child and the music comes on whether imaginary or real, one dances with joy and abandonment.

Then one day something happens. We are laughing, playing and dancing and we look up and notice that someone is watching us. How they respond changes how we play through life. Sometimes the observers of our joy, will smile and even applaud us. Sometimes, the observers of our shenanigans will frown and scold us. The freedom of self-expression is then modified as we become dependent on feedback from others rather than our own drive to be joyful explorers of life. We are born to be happy. It is life and others that somehow teaches us to take the fun out of life and turn it into dys-fun-ction.

When I realized that this pleasure seeking creature was still a part of me only covered up by years of needing approval or fearing rejection, all of a sudden I was set free. I think that it was Gloria Steinam who wrote: The truth will set you free but first it is really going to piss you off.

Thirty years after writing the quote that is the start of this essay I would like to modify my comments about being childish to becoming childlike. When I was a child I played as a child. When I became a woman I recaptured all those foolish joys.

Sunday: Solitude

2005-12-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

"I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind" Einstein

There is a magic in being comfortable in solitude. Many people are so uncomfortable dealing with the thoughts and issues that flow through their mind, that they seek out others as distractions so that life is never fully felt or understood.. Even those who are alone often find it difficult to just sit and meditate but must constantly be doing something to avoid the quiet and peace of being with self.

One of the most fascinating signs of being unable to deal with stillness is to watch how you or others react to red lights when one must pause and wait for their turn to move on. Impatient to keep moving and acting, the stop light becomes an irritant and stress maker. If the person in front is a millisecond slow in responding when the light turns green, anger ensues and one pounds on the car horn.

Another sign is those who must constantly be in movement even when not engaging with others. Constantly straightening up the house. Moving the furniture around to vacuum. Redecorating and changing one’s stuff. Reorganizing closets. Watching TV and eating at the same time. Reading a book with the radio on full blast or with teens doing one’s homework with the TV or CD blaring.

One of the greatest gifts that one can receive is a friend that doesn’t need to talk all the time. We often cannot stand the silence of just being with another person much less the silence of being with self. People often speak of awkward moments of silence indicating not knowing what to say or how to respond. How much easier it would be if we could just be comfortable by not having to respond at all. In fact, often we find ourselves not listening to what another says but instead thinking about what we are going to say next.

One of the other great gifts is the ability to sit in solitude and silence without thinking. That perhaps is the greatest test of mental discipline. Constant thoughts running through the mind often with no rhyme or reason. Unfocused we seek to live loud and confused either by our speech or our thought.

This is not to say that one must seek a constant state of mindlessness but that one needs to take time to pause, to reflect, to introspect and finally to just be. Like the seasons of the year, we need to prepare the soil of our minds like the spring and plant our seeds. In the summer of our minds we need to weed out those thoughts (and people) that interfere with the growth of the positive and powerful. In the fall, we need to harvest our ideas and thoughts and share our blessed abundance. And peacefully and wonderfully in the winter, we allow our minds and our spirits to be still and silent.

Often people will speak of solitude and stillness as being depressed and lonely. But solitude is a gift that we give ourselves to renew and regenerate and recreate our souls and spirit. Solitude is a discipline. When one learns to not be lonely when alone, then one will never be lonely with another or a million others.

Friday: Encounters of the Strange Kind

2005-12-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

I have always thought that airports are the most exciting places. It is exciting to feel the rush of going to a new place or returning to an old place. It is amusing to observe the people who stream through our lives usually never touching us with a word or even a smile. Most are caught up with their own anger, joys, pleasures, fears and realities. They seldom touch our reality.

Airports can suggest intrigue and adventure. And sometimes this is true. Sometimes it is just people doing their daily jobs either in the service industry that keeps the airports running fairly smoothly or the millions of new cyber migrant workers rushing through the gate carrying their laptop computers, cell phones, and a bag with a change of clothes to meet and service their next client.

The new breed of intellectual migrant workers selling their computer skills and other information age training create the opportunity for some amazing conversations if one is willing to be friendly.

Some are totally unfriendly. They are absorbed into their laptops, phones, and doing paper work while sitting in airports and on planes. They sit in their seats with an invisible bubble around them to avoid interactions.

But then there are the others.

It was in the middle of June at the start of the summer storm season that my plane was grounded at Dullas airport outside of Washington D.C. still this side of the Virginia border. I had boarded a plane in Roanoke at about 2 in the afternoon for a flight to Cleveland Ohio which in good weather should have taken about 3 and half hours with a change of planes at Dullas. We landed in Dullas 15 minutes late and as I rushed to get to my connection, an announcement confirmed the fear I had felt as we arrived in the roaring winds and pelting rain, all flights were delayed.

An hour passed. Two hours passed. Passengers were getting panicked about making connecting flights.

A very agitated man from the middle east kept pacing back and forth. First he would go to the airline's desk and while gesturing frantically would discuss intently the situation with the agent. Then he would rush to a payphone and make a call. Then back to harrass the agent. He talked to her with a truly arrogant and condescending manner that was rude beyond belief. He was increasing the anxiety of everyone in the area.

This pattern repeated itself at least 10 times and finally the agent had us in a line reticketing us for the following morning because all flights were cancelled till the next day.

In one of the most sickening sexist manners, the middle eastern man finally was told by the agent that this is the way it is: All flights are cancelled till in the morning. I have told you what can be done. And I will reticket you as soon as I have information. He again ran to the payphone frantically.

Now I have to tell you that in the wake of 9/11 one does not feel very comfortable having a man who could be a terrorist if one were to do profiling acting in an agitated and threatening way.

The agent called for passengers to please line up so that the staff could reticket them for the next morning.

Unfortunately this crazy-making dark and furious man was in front me in the line. Everyone was looking at him with growing disgust, suspicion and distain.

He turned around and looked me straight in the eye and asked me in that same tone of voice: What is going on here.

I smiled nicely at him, looked him boldly in the eye and said: Perhaps God is teaching you a lesson.

He stomped his foot, spun around 180 degrees, became quiet and waited to be ticketed like everyone else.

Every person with in earshot, looked at me and smiled.

And that was just the beginning of the adventure...

Myriam

Tuesday: Red Headed Step Child

2005-11-29T07:36:00.000-05:00

The Gathering

I really did not know how to respond when I received my invitation to join my father’s children for a reunion halfway across the country. It is hard to say my brothers and sister because these were children my father had before he married my mother.

It is not that they are not nice people, I just don’t really know them very well. My father was close to sixty when he married my mother. It is funny when I was a child he seemed so old and now I am older than he was when I was born. My mother and father had both lost their spouses and were left with children to raise. He had ten and she had three. So this marriage brought my mother into a household where she was the outsider and sometimes to some of my siblings the evil step mother. After two years, my mother became pregnant with me. Both my mother and father were shocked by the realization that another child was going to expand this already large family.

By the time I was eleven and my father died, all of my 13 half-brothers and half-sisters had grown and left home. Mother and I were left with each other as most of them were busy raising their own families. All of my parent’s children were kind enough to me but there was little we had in common. In many ways they were as unknown to me as a casual friend from church that was 10 or 20 years older than me so you can understand my concern about going to this gathering of strangers. What would we talk about? What would we have in common? Other than genetics I didn’t have a clue about who they really were except for stories told to me by my mother and those were not always the most pleasant of stories.

Imagine my shock when I arrived at the airport in Oklahoma and joined the only surviving children of my father only to be met by my brother John and his chauffeur driving a Rolls Royce. Well the times they had changed from when I was growing up where after Dad died Mom and I survived on her small salary of 15 dollars a week as a housekeeper or live-in nurse. As we arrived at my brother’s house he was the one with the housekeeper now. It is a funny thing, but I almost could relate more to the housekeeper instead of these strangers who carried the blood line as I.

I know that my brother John had arranged this gathering because he and the other two were reaching a time when death was growing closer just because of their age. It was strange to be the baby again in the midst of this group who seemed very close to each other with shared memories that I knew little about. As a my inner child peeked out from inside my sixty-year old body, I must admit I had fun but I knew this gathering was not a closeness but a realization of my alienation that I had felt all of my life.

As I look back at this moment in time, I realize that as a small child I loved to perform because all these grown ups that were my brothers and sisters would applaud and smile when I was clever and funny. I came to crave that attention and need the approval that was often fleeting. As I write this a great sadness fills my heart as I realize I was just part of a show put on so they could do their closure on their lives. I remember how Mother and I were always considered not really part of their family. I realized that while I was called sister that I was not really part of the “real” family. There is a saying here in the south about not fitting quite fitting in. When someone just isn’t part of the group or the family, he or she is described as: “The red-headed step child.” Maybe I will dye my hair today so I more reflect how I feel. Wonder how I would look as a red head rather than a blonde?

Monday: Trash or Treasure

2005-11-28T07:54:00.000-05:00

The Gingerbread House

I don’t know why but there is something inherently sad to me about thinking about gingerbread houses. I don’t know if it is because the look god-awful tacky or I can’t imagine putting that much work into something that should be delicious but gets so dirty that it is basically inedible.

I think maybe it is because that my mother had a gingerbread house that someone had made for her and each year she would get out this box where she preserved her little decorated house with plastic wrap and place it on her TV in a place of pride to celebrate the holiday season. After a few years the icing really was smashed and the gumdrops looked like they had fallen from the sky in an attack of the sugar plum faeries and just went splat. I don’t know what crazy relative made this house for her but Mom saved it.

But Mom saved everything. She would wash off aluminum foil and dry it and use it again. She would wash out zip-lock bags and turn them upside down on a bottle and save them to use again. She would wash out plastic tubs that were filled with everything from butter to cottage cheese to sour cream and carefully clean the lids and let them dry so she would be able to use them again. Clothes that were to worn to wear were cut up and used as dust rags. She had a ball made of rubber bands that she had carefully constructed over the years. She did not buy paper towels but dutifully scrubbed and cleaned with old rags that were bleached to a thinness that made them as soft as a baby’s blanket. My Mom didn’t believe in a disposable world but that gingerbread house definitely should have been tossed in the trash or gone to compost heap. Oh, Mom never threw out food either. It was either reheated to mush, frozen and saved for a hungry day or put on the compost heap.

In many ways I admire the world that my mother was trying to save. A world that did not waste and throw away whether it was a piece of tin foil or a person. Maybe we need to rethink our world of throw away everything from plates where we serve our food or a shoe that has a run down heal that you can’t even find someone to repair.

Mom used to say: A woman can throw out more with a teaspoon than a man can bring in with a shovel. In many ways I think she was so correct, we do not destroy our world, our planet, our finances with the big stuff. We do it as we nickle and dime ourselves into poverty and insecurity.

Well I guess I better go put that soup that was left over from supper in those plastic butter tubs and put them in the freezer. They will be delicious when the winter snows keep me from sending Mark out to the grocery.

You think I should put Mom’s Gingerbread House out on the compost pile?

Thursday: Family Recipe

2005-11-17T07:24:00.000-05:00

Preparing a roast in the appropriate way has always been a family tradition passed down from my grandmother.

I remember Sunday dinners with roast beef, potatoes, carrots and onions as a regular feature on the menu. Mom would always serve delicious green beans cooked with a ham hock and home made biscuits. Usually jam was there that she had preserved during the harvest season. Salads could very but often it would be green jello with chopped up apples and celery served with a dollop of mayonnaise. We did not usually have desert because that special treat was saved for Sunday evening where everyone would gather together after church to fix something neat like fudge or peanut butter and potato candy.

I really never thought much about Sunday dinner but always looked forward to it. So I carried on the tradition from my childhood to my new family.

Our first Sunday dinner, I took the roast and prepared it to go into the baking dish. I carefully cut off both ends and placed the roast in the pan with the end tucked neatly one on each side just as my mother had done. I peeled the potatoes and scraped the carrots and neatly placed them in an array of bright color with onions diced and sprinkled for flavor. Add a couple of cups of water, sprinkle on some salt and pepper and in the oven to bake.

My new husband asked me: Why do you cut the ends off the roast? I said, I don't know. That is the way you cook a roast. It is the way my mother always did it and that is the way her mother always did it. It is the way you cook a roast.

A few weeks later he and I went to Mom's for Sunday dinner. Of course, she served roast beef. Not one to be silent, my husband asked her: Why do you cut the ends off the roast? She said, I don't know. That is the way you cook a roast. It is the way my mother always did it and that is the way her mother always did it. It is the way you cook a roast.

At Thanksgiving, Grandmother joined the family for dinner. My husband asked her how she cooked a roast. She explained and he said: Why do you cut the ends off the roast? She said, I don't know. That is the way you cook a roast. It is the way my mother always did it and that is the way her mother always did it. It is the way you cook a roast.

Now my husband is a Virgo and a very logical person and he knew that there either was a good reason for cooking a roast this way but for the life of him he could not figure it out. Could it be that placing the ends on the sides kept the temperature more even? Could it be that by cutting off the ends and leaving the exposed ends one got a cleaner heat? None of that was logical. And if something doesn't sound logical to him, he works that question like a dog working a bone.

After about six months of marriage, we planned a trip to go see my great grandmother who lived in a retirement village in Florida. My husband was excited to visit this woman and see if he could find the answer to his puzzle. As we sat down to Sunday dinner with Ya Ya, He commented on how her roast was the best he had ever tasted. He asked her finally, why do you cut the ends off the roast. She just sat back and broke out laughing. She laughed so hard tears were trickling down her face.

Well, she said, when my dear departed David and I first got married we were pretty poor. And when we could afford to buy a roast for Sunday dinner, it was a real treat. However, I couldn't afford to buy a roasting pan so I had to cut off the ends and tuck them on the side to fit in a square cake pan. I got in the habit of doing it. And I just kept doing it.

The moral to this story is that every family has a recipe to remember happy times. Sometimes it is as simple as a ritual to cook a roast or choosing what sides to serve at a special dinner. Family recipes are comfort food that often cannot be explained except in the feelings that we have when we have them.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Wednesday: Mourning Moon Sanctuary

2005-11-16T06:35:00.000-05:00

There is a place where I go where no one can find me. When the world is tossing life around like an autumn leave on a rising wind, I can discover my sanctuary.

Demons and dragons are more than fantasy. They are the thoughts that float through dreams and memories calling me to forget that I am safe and all is all right at least in that little speck of the universe that I call my sanctuary.

The sound of the wind howling at the full moon outside my window reminds me that winter is upon me. Not the season of the year but the season of my life. Yet I am snug, warm and protected cocooned from cold realization that I am closer to the end of my journey than the beginning. I am warmed in my sanctuary.

The crows caw and mock me from the naked trees undressed and laid bare for the winter snows to create a blanket under which one day I will sleep. Maybe I will remember springs and summers of my vitality. Maybe I will remember the tempests through which I have passed safely in my sanctuary.

A candle flickers against a window pane that protects me from the dark outside my reverie. A wavering light that dances in the winds that would seep in beneath the locked window and I know that even though my sanctuary keeps me safe that soon that light will no longer shine and I like the dark moon on a winters night will slip silently out of my cloistered safety.

How cold that mourning moon that is laying rest to that which is as I become only what one safely loved in my sanctuary.

Tuesday: Love becomes new again

2005-11-15T10:58:00.000-05:00

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

In our relationships we have a tendency to recycle our relationships. We may change bodies as the object of our affection, but basically we choose all the traits that we thought drove us crazy.

All that pulls us to a person and pushes us away from a person are installed as little electronic buttons in our head so we may say this is just too much for me, I am out of here. And we end a relationship, whether a love relationship or a friendship, and then we go on to another.

But if we look at all our past and present relationships we will see that we are often unconsciously just changing partners to do the same dance over and over and over again.

Many of us get caught up with the magic of the romance and chase after a dream only to find that once it has been manifest, what we have actually created is another act to the same drama that we call life.

We throw away people and replace them with new people only to throw away people and replace them with new people. Rather than being so constantly searching for the ideal lover, friend, job and so forth, it is time to discover what expectations we are recycling and throw out the ones that are setting us up to live a life of discontent and turmoil.

Perhaps if we were to discover our own hidden agendas to not be happy we could maintain comforting stable relationships that enhance our lives.

Here are some tips to help recycle love and happiness in the relationship that you are currently in:

1. Think back to when you first met this person or took this job or developed this friendship - what did you really find attractive? Focus on that and bring it back to life.

2. Think back to your childhood and remember before someone noticed your behavior and either rewarded you or punished you, what gave you pure joy. This is your delight seeking inner child. Get rid of the need to have this inner self punished or rewarded in your relationships and just do what makes you feel good. You will be amazed how improved your relationships will be when you come from this place of joy.

3. Do you expect one person to fulfill every need in your life? Guess what, this is impossible. Instead of constantly looking for one person to be your everything, expand your circle of friends and discover the joy that diversity brings you in meeting your needs.

4. Create a happiness journal. At least once a week and perhaps once a day, write down something that made you happy. It might be hard some days but if you search you will find that the opportunity for happiness is always around you and it is not always involving your friend/lover du jour.

5. Once you have discovered what thoughts, actions and behaviors by your friend/lover makes you crazy instead of responding ignore it. Behaviors that are ignored tend to disappear or extinguish themselves. This might take time but it is amazing how avoidance of conflict can improve your attitude concerning other people. Just changing your reactions will help you throw away the things and actions in your life that are crazy making.

6. Recognize that the desire to control is based in fear. You may fear losing someone or something and then you try to control that person or event. It is impossible to control another person. When you accept that control comes from fear you will be released into a more relaxed state of acceptance and won't have to keep looking for the person who is perfect that you can control.

So instead of throwing away a perfectly good relationship or job, it is time to throw away some negative ideas and expectations and recycle the good ones back into your life.

If you need help, sorting these issues through talk to one of our professional relationship advisors.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Monday: Musings and meanderings of my mind.

2005-11-14T07:59:00.000-05:00

The world I create in writing compensates for what the realworld does not give me.
--Gloria Anzaldua

One only needs compensation when one feels that one has been slighted or somehow has less. I don't consider that to be my reality.

My reality is filled with an amazing array of possibilities. I am only limited by what I can choose to perceive or by my own actions.

Writing has never been an escape for me but an adventure. As our dear William wrote, and I paraphrase, I do not sit down to write with any other audience in my mind other than me.

To me writing is a game, a journey, sometimes a healing, a venting place, a growing place, and always takes me to a sacred space. How can the me that is manifest in my writing be anyway removed from my total reality. It is a part of the greater whole of my reality but often it is the sum of the many facets of my reality and therefore maybe my world of writing becomes greater than that which others perceive.

However, it is within the mind that we color and create our perceptions. In that way I am no different than any other human. I dramatize. I criticize. I romanticize. I traumatize. And sometimes I lies about the idylity of my reality.

This the joy of my life with my mind where the writer in me communicates sometimes effectively, sometimes pedantically, but always with a sense of pleasure and intensity. The smallest exercise can become an orgasmic blow-out of my mind. I guess the consensus reality does not give me that but perhaps sometimes I give this gift to the whole.

Like the world, my mind is filled with infinite possibilities.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com
http://manifestreality.com
http://asknow.com
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Wednesday: A Christmas Story

2005-11-09T08:24:00.000-05:00

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... Jack Frost nipping at your nose..

This is an old chestnut.

The family gathers around the Christmas tree to celebrate the birth of the son of God.

The kids are all tucked into bed while visions of sugar plums dance through their head.

And what to amazement do I hear? My computer calling me:

You've got mail.

Rut Roh! It is a notice from my credit card company. I have went over my limit and I am late to boot. That play station I bought has cost me 60 more dollars than I thought.

I think I need a drink, Christmas is starting to stink.

Quick as a flash I go to the web and access my bank account and almost drop dead.

The check that I wrote to buy that big meal has bounced and then another one to Walmart to buy that big tree has bounced twice. Oh woe is me.

My goose is cooked as I scan the page. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. $30.00 a bounce.

Sadly I turn from my dearest friend and isp and wander back to the living room and turn on the TV.

My cable is out because of that bouncy t bounce.

Ah Christmas is here and people of all faiths can take one day to worship Jesus and to say:

Thanks God for the good credit you just took from me.

A snifter of Cognac I warm in my hand as visions of poverty dance through my head. And Pa with his beer and me with my good friend Jim Beam raise our glasses and say Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Friday: Hunting: Clear and Present Danger

2005-11-04T13:24:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been the prey and not the hunter?

There is something rather strange to feel the adrenalin that starts pumping when you are within the view of one who's intentions are not the most honorable.

The more visible one becomes to the world, the more the odds are that some nutzoid is going to be out to get a piece of you one way or another. Sometimes it is just innocent obsession but other times it is a sicko ready to create havoc and, perhaps, even injury or death.

That realization hit me this week as I realized that I was getting stalking e-mails. Do you have any idea how easy it is to track down anyone on the Internet? Well, let me tell you it is easier than you think. The more visible one is in being a writer or other creative in the world of the Internet, the easier it is for one to be victim of cyber-stalking. And living in the Bible Belt of the South, I could just see one of those fanatics reading the passage one should not suffer a witch to live and boy it would be the burning times again.

Most of my life I have been fairly carefree and fear free but reality has a way of changing our perspective 180 degrees in less than the flash of an eye.

I wondered if Avis my pit bull was enough of a protector or did I need more.

As I discussed this with my husband, he brought out a snub nose 33 (think that is the number) this cute little black gun that looks like something Sam Spade might have used in his detective work. Actually it was the service revolver of the grandfather of my husband's brother-in-law. He explained to me how he could get some ammunition loaded that would create less of a kick back and showed me how it was actually a double action and how I could cock it and it would be easier to pull the trigger but with a little more pressure I could just pull the trigger and shoot.

Now this is not the first time that Mark has made the attempt to teach me how to be well-armed and defended against the madness of the world. I remember years ago he bought me a Lady Smith and Wesson revolver. It was really lovely with a pearl handle. He took me out back to the creek to teach me how to shoot. I took aim at the other side of the river bank and ended up almost killing the neighbor's Jack Russel Terriers. Needless to say at that time Mark decided to put a lock on the gun so I would not hurt anyone.

But last night as he bought into my paranoia out came another gun. In fact, it is lying beside my bed right now but fortunately not loaded. His plans were to mount it under my desk so that I had easy access in case any of the weird creatures that do not approve of my spirituality or what I do, decide to create a clear and present danger.

This morning over breakfast, he said to me: Do you really think it is a good idea that you have a loaded gun in your office? I said well as long as there are not any yappy dogs around it might be OK. He shook his head and said to me ... well just make sure they have crossed the threshold before you shoot them and if you can't do that call me before you call the police so we can drag them into the office before we call.

You know I can kind of relate to how the deer are feeling right now up on Tinker Mountain which I can see just outside of my window. Wonder if any of these yahoos are hunting for long pork?

Thursday: Cosmic Dancer

2005-11-03T13:03:00.000-05:00

Cosmic Dancer
Dancing on the edge of the future
A primitive rhythm.
A rhythm so old, so forgotten.
It moves like a new song from the East.
A cosmic dance that has no ending. No Beginning.
Only a returning.
Risen from the ashes of the enslaved Goddess,
A deadened body awakens,
Resurrected by the love of men and women.
Collectively.
Separately.
We rediscover love of self.
We rediscover love of each other.
An energy lying seemingly dead for eons,
Awakens for the dance.
A dance not of destruction
But of recreation.
Gathering together the torn and bleeding body of a planet
Ready for healing.
The healing of the cosmic dance.
A dance that does not follow,
But leads to the edge of the future,
And returns to the promise of the past...
Before the Goddess slept
in the ashes of a cold and deadened moon.
The Goddess in each person remembers.
Collectively.
Separately.
We dance the dance.
Rising from the earth
Soaring past the moon.
Eclipsing the sun.
Drawing the forces of life
to the dance.
The cosmic dance.
Recreating the edge of the future.

Wednesday: Light up the Empire State Building

2005-11-02T07:47:00.000-05:00

When ever I think of the Empire State Building, I flash to the movie Sleepless in Seattle. A couple sit having a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day. The Empire State Building is in silhouette behind them and a huge heart is in illuminated by red lights. Romance.

I love romance. I love candle-lit romantic dinners with soft jazz playing in the background. I love receiving flowers and little presents that say I love you. And I most definitely love "chick flicks" that honor the concept of love overcoming obstacles as two soul mates finally are brought together to live happily ever after.

I guess the major troubles in life are created when we take romance out of life and are caught into the mundane issues of maintaining a life that is safe and secure. I have nothing against safety and security and in fact know that if we do not have these things we would be fighting just to survive. There is no romance in survival. However, why is it that in living happily ever after Cinderella goes back to being a scullery maid and waiting on Prince Charming and washing endless dishes, cooking endless meals, sweeping and dusting surfaces that just get dirty again, and in the meantime going out to bring home the bacon so she can fry it up in a pan only to begin again in the morning after less sleep than she had when she ran home from ball when the clock struck twelve and she lost her glass slipper.

From the time our hormones start to create the urge to procreate till the day we take our last breath, we are driven to desire romance. Yet with such a strong drive which is the fancy clothes that we put on passion and lust, why do we let it smolder like an ember on a cold hearth.

Those who are supposedly wise suggest that as we settle into our lives we should give up on the desires of youth and accept that being content is enough. That doesn't sound very wise to me. I mean I have often bought into that piece of aging dogma but I can tell you it is not as much fun as I feel in my heart that life should be.

So today, I will put on some romantic music - perhaps listen to My Funny Valentine, light a candle and remember the romantic interludes in my life when content was the last thing in the world that I ever desired. In fact, I may go rent every chick flick at Blockbuster and have a fantasy night. Maybe before I make it to rent those movies, my husband will show up with flowers and tell me that I am beautiful. It could happen. That is what is truly wonderful about romance it brings hope that anything can happen especially the excitement of love the second time around.

Pardon me a minute, that was the phone ringing....

It was my husband, he just called to say he loved me. I guess romance is not dead.

Saturday: You are the Light -- You are the Miracle

2005-10-29T09:30:00.000-05:00

We must accept finite disappointment,but we must never lose infinite hope.

~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The idea that hope can make a difference in any situation is extremely important. All of us face adversity but when we can realize that these are just temporary experience in the temporal life we can go forward with renewed optimism.

Often we need others to help us maintain hope. As we share our experience of success over adversity with others we each have the opportunity to be a role model for someone else. It is amazing our own survival and success shared with another gives them renewed hope that answers will be found.

When a friend comes to us with a problem, first we must listen. And then demonstrate that we truly know where they are coming from. Some of us just do the short cut: Been there. Done that. However, it is important after listening to share a word of hope. Not that we have been there and been through difficulties but a few words that shows that this situation can not only be tolerated but will eventually bring victory. So not only have I been there and done that, but I felt at the time there was not hope but through persistence, faith and the help of friends like you I made it through it. And, the biggest words of hope: And, I know you are going to be OK also.

When ever you see darkness, share a light!

When ever you see despair, share hope!

When ever you see someone lost, hold out your hand to share faith!

When someone is looking for a miracle, Be The Miracle.

Today: You are the Miracle.

Friday: Día de los Muertos

2005-10-28T08:16:00.000-05:00

The approach of All Souls Day or Día de los Muertos always brings to me a sense of sadness and joy about the bittersweet qualities of life, love, and death.

This story begins about 10 years ago at this time of the year. My husband, Mark, and I were at lunch with his father Antonio. As we sat around the table for some reason or another Tonio and I were discussing what songs we would like to be played at our funerals. We both agreed that Amazing Grace was really so emotionally packed with the concepts of redemption and being born again that it was the perfect music to accompany our souls from this world to the next.

Amazing Grace has been my companion since the year my father died when I was 11. I cannot hardly hear the song and not have tears well up in my eyes. I can still feel my utter sense of loss when my father left me and as I stood at his casket they played this song.

Over time, it seemed that every time I would hear this song on the radio or on television, there would soon be a death in the family. It could just be that I was sensitized to the music and when my spirit felt that someone was leaving I would hear the music. Sometimes it would just start to play in my head as a secret melody from my heart.

On November 1st I accompanied Tonio to a mass held at the University chapel which was celebrated every year and sponsored by Tonio in honor of his brother Jesus, a major Mexican artist. The rest of the family refused to go as they did not particularly like religious celebrations. As Tonio and I went to our seats the organ above us began to play Amazing Grace. I felt the cold chill of death come over me. As we stood for a certain part of the service, I could see Tonio blanch white. I urged him to sit down.

A few weeks later, Tonio was scheduled for open heart surgery. We had Thanksgiving dinner the Saturday before the Thursday planned holiday because he would be in surgery Monday morning. We drank wine and ate luscious food and played music and celebrated the many blessings in our life.

Tonio went through the surgery and it was considered successful. However, Wednesday night, as I lay in my bed alone since Mark was in the city and at the hospital with his father. I heard in my heart the strains of Amazing Grace. The phone rang. As I picked it up and heard Mark's voice as he asked me what I was doing, I said: I was just lying here waiting to hear from you to tell me of the passing of your father.

To see the symbology of the family altars to honor the dead click here: http://www.azcentral.com/ent/dead/altar/

Thursday: The great OCD

2005-10-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

My dog Avis is a strange and mysterious pooch.

She has allergies of every type and of every season. And when she gets into one of her reactions to an allergy she suddenly develops some of the craziest behaviors.

I have an OCD Pit Bull... Obsessive Compulsive Dog.

It all started one day when we were taking a cruise in my Porsche. When I turned sixty I decided I wanted to be sixty and sexy so I bought a red 944 Porsche. It is quite a stunning little collector's item and it looks even better with Avis sitting in the back enjoying the view from 360 degrees of window space available to her.

Well I lit up a cigarette and Avis sneezed. I looked at her and just thought oh hell now I can't even smoke in my car. Being rather pissed off by my consideration of my fur child's reaction I sneezed back at her. She sneezed back at me. Now she has learned to sneeze on demand. I just have to sneeze at her and she sneezes back. It has become a fun game with us. Me sneeze. Avis sneeze.

Now, Avis is not a pure pit bull. She is part boxer. Most folks forget that boxers got that name because they can fight using their feet. Well Avis in playing would dance around like a boxer ready to throw the next punch. So every time she would go into that reaction to play time I would say dance, Avis, dance. She learned to dance on command. When Mom was in her last year and confined to her bed Avis was her constant companion, guardian and entertainment. Mom would laugh so much when she would say dance, Avis, dance and the pooch would be tapping up a storm on the wood floors.

Now Avis has a new OCD behavior. She developed an itch. When I would scratch her she always wanted to smell and lick my fingers to see what was going on with her ... as you know dogs live by smell and taste. Then I noticed when I would scratch her in a certain way she would start sticking her tongue out and giving a licking motion. Then every time she would stick out her tongue I would stick out my tongue at her. Now she sticks out her tongue on demand.

So there you have it. Avis, my OCD, is a dancing, sneezing, stick your tongue out pooch who never ceases to amuse me.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Wednesday: Metaphor

2005-10-26T08:38:00.000-05:00

Shamanism has always fascinated me. The concept of an animal totem being a spirit guide is truly interesting and can become empowering. The issue is that most people who are not shamanic in their training mistake what it means to have a totem or using that totem as in shape shifting.

Working with animal spirit guides is a true explanation of metaphor which is the underlying explanation of were-animals in shamanism.

When the Yaqui Deer Dancer dawns his regalia he does not dance like he is a deer he becomes the deer. When any spirit comes into the physical body of a earth-centered religious practitioner, the energy of human and animal (or other spirit medium) become one.

Essentially the religious experience empowers the person to be God. That is the real difference between more sophisticated, language based religions and religions of ritual and that are earth based such as Voodoo, Taoism, Wiccan, Native American and so forth. God is not separate and man is never separate from God. Divine spirit manifests man and man manifests divine spirit. They are integrally one.

When I say my totem is the wolf, I say that the energy of the wolf is one with my spirit.

When in Voodoo I say I am ridden by the loa Brigid, I am saying that Brigid and I are one.

When I am one with the Tao, it means that the Tao and I are one and there is no other than what is now manifest in my reality.

Many modern fantasy paintings are but a desire to get back to the true meaning of metaphor. The isolationism of many popular religions today creates loneliness in the soul and we need to reconnect with our own true divinity.

This concept was really explored in the movie by George Lucas and when Luke Skywalked became one with the force he made no errors. We we are in the Tao we follow natural energy patterns and we make no errors.

To not be one with the divine is when we sin or make errors. When we are once again with the divine we are existing in divine grace and thus without sin.

We are all divine, perfect and enough. We just have to recognize and embrace that reality.

Love all God’s creation, both the whole and every grain of sand. Love every leaf, every ray of light. Love the animals, love the plants, love each separate thing. If you love each thing you will perceive the mystery of God in all.
Feodor Dostoevsky

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Tuesday: Doing the dishes

2005-10-25T06:27:00.000-05:00

Passion has flown through my life as strong as eagles wings soaring on the wind. It is perhaps the source of my muse and my desire to fully engage in ever thing that I do.

I have never had any desire to be a jelly fish floating on the sea of life with no purpose or reason for existence other than to eat, to reproduce and to die.

And fortunately or unfortunately that same passion is applied to cooking.

As I walked into the kitchen I was amazed that so much chaos had been created in just 24 hours. You know when you are a creative sometimes the mundane in life is just too much distraction so the pots pile up in the sink and the dishwasher stands half empty or half full until someone gets around to turning it on or emptying it.

One particular weekend in late October our friend Patrick came to visit. I had been cloistered in my office with my latest tangent of creative angst and Mark and Patrick were waiting for me to emerge and become a domestic diva. You would think that they would have known better. I finally agreed to fill their stomachs and souls with some Myriam kitchen mojo if they would "do" the dishes.

I wandered back to my office while they were left with the task of doing the dishes so I could come back and do my magic.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Gunshots split the sound of silence.

Shocked I hurried to look outside.

Patrick and Mark were doing the dishes by using them for target practice.

A food soaked blue platter went up in the air. Bang. It disintegrated into the air.

A yellow glass plate went whirling into the sky. Bang. It splintered into a million shards of shimmering gold against the blue of the sky.

Up went a glass wrapped in colors of blue and yellow and red. Bang. Alas no more glass.

I laughed. Turned around and went back to my office.

About an hour later they informed me the kitchen was ready for inspection.

A few less dishes (I always have way to many incase I am inspired to throw a few) but orderly and ready for me to begin a new culinary adventure.

I placed some cheese and fruit on the kitchen bar, handed Mark a bottle of Merlot to open and pour. As the wine began to flow and smiles began to grow bigger, I began to chop up the fresh tomatoes, onions, garlic and cilantro to make a sauce. The fresh talapia was poaching in some white wine. The rice was properly seasoned with my special blend of herbs and spices.

I thought what would make this perfect would be some fresh peas with pearl onions in a white sauce.

I turned to Mark and asked where is the corn starch?

He looked sheepishly at Patrick, and explained it was gone. They had used it to powder their hands so when they did the dishes they would have greater control on the torque of the toss. I never did understand that one.

But to this day, every once in awhile when Patrick is visiting, I have to truly refrain myself from asking them to "do" the dishes.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater

Monday Inspiration

2005-10-24T07:29:00.000-05:00

I hear music and their's no one there...

Music is an integral part of my creative process. It is also the magic that tames my wild imagination so that my muse can effectively cope with a multi-dimensional reality.

I have always thought that I was a multi-dimensional person caught in a linear world.

Everyone can sometimes seem to be too damn literal. All things seem to be finite in the mind of many a modern person and even I when caught up with the day-to-day survival mode can get captured by the illusion of a finite universe.

However, music can free me from the bounds of earth and the mundane. I am suffering today because the speakers of my computer are on the fritz and I miss my music so I have to turn the radio on in my head. I need a little Elvis today singing Amazing Grace.

Oh by the way, that is the last album that I bought... Elvis gospel. I find it an inspiring blast from the past and the music I heard as a child in the small churches my father would pastor. There is joy and abandonment in gospel music... just what my inner child needs today.

Friday: Memories of the calm in the middle of the storm

2005-10-21T07:18:00.000-05:00

As the hurricane approaches the Yucatan, I am filled with memories.

My first trip to Mexico was for a very sad occasion. It was a family trip to return half of my father-in-laws ashes to his country of birth. He had chosen to live his last years in a small fishing village in Yucatan. The place was amazing.

One evening Mark and I were upstairs where we could see the ocean. A storm was gathering and it was chilly and damp. The waves grew larger and the winds grew stronger. We were filled with admiration for the power of Mother Nature when she is whipping up the fury of her energies to cleanse the earth so it could be renewed again.

While her fury was frightening it was also emotionally empowering. We did not need to talk, we only needed to be still in the middle of the storm.

In the midst of the chaos Mother was creating, we both felt a sense of peace. We shared a moment of pure awe as the house stood sturdy and steady and wrapped a cocoon around us in a warm embrace of concrete, glass and steel.

While we had come to mourn Antonio, we were gifted healing from the divine Mother as her tears washed away ours. The morning came. The storm passed. And as the sun rose to warm the sand and sea, we walked along the shore discovering tokens deposited on the beach ... gifts from the sea brought to us by the storm the night before.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/

Wednesday

2005-10-20T06:38:00.000-05:00

The leaking sink has less tendency to stink.

Did you ever notice that sometimes it feels that life seems to get little clogs in it. The flow is just not there. It is like a sink where the spaghetti that you strained got caught in the drain and the water sits there stagnant and rank. It is then you really wish there was a leak in that old sink.

So it is then time to either call the plumber and have the clogs removed and put on a gas helmet and dive in there yourself. That is totally an unpleasant experience. There is of course another alternative, when blocks are stopping up your life or your sink there is the option of a sledge hammer. While it might create a mess and you might have to get a new sink, at least it will get rid of the stench.

I kind of like the concept of having a leak to avoid either the clogging up and the overflow onto the floor. Now that is a real issue. When one has so much flowing that one cannot contain it being life or the kitchen sink, one can find one's self in water up to one's knees. At that point it is suggested that one just walk away and say the hell with it and cancel the dinner party one had planned for a celebration of all the good flowing into one's life.

I find that since I have well water and do not have to pay the government for the privilege of ignoring a leaky sink, that life is a lot easier if I just practice the art of avoidance.

It is amazing to me how often the problems of life just manage to disappear if one ignores them. And, as I always say in a hundred years it won't make any difference. Probably I will have forgotten about it in a year. In fact, probably won't make any difference tomorrow. So for today, I will just walk away.

Wednesday: You are the miracle.

2005-10-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

To manifest a miracle, one has to recognize that the miracle has occurred.

Do you know that there is a miracle occuring in YOUR life today? I know it may sometimes seem that is an impossibility. But something is drawing me to write this and to tell you to wake and recognize that the miracle that you have been praying for is already manifest.

Today, give thanks for the miracle that is you and that is manifesting in your life.

Love
Myriam

2005-10-18T07:43:00.000-05:00

Tuesday: Don't Let anyone Sh over you

2005-10-18T07:36:00.000-05:00

That's the horrible thing starting out, you get distracted a lotbecause anything is easier than writing. It's just the sameenemy - blank paper.

Jimmy Breslin

This quote made me laugh. Yes, laugh. It is the silliest thing that I ever heard. Why? Because I find nothing easier than writing. I think it is because I do not have a lot of false expectations about writing. I write because I enjoy it. I have another major rule in living my life: If I don't enjoy it, I don't do it.

That includes:

1. If I don't like people, I don't let them hang around.

2. If I don't like a job, I quit!

3. If I don't like certain foods, I don't eat them.

4. If my kids drive me nuts, I tell them to get out of my face and out of my space.

5. If I don't like what is on TV, I change the channel.

6. If I don't like the music on the radio, I change the station.

It is pretty clear, I just don't do things that I don't like to do. I find the word should to be the most over-used word in the English dictionary. I don't do shoulds and I always remember that shit and should both start with sh and I don't let anyone or anything, including me, to sh all over me.

Now, according the my family history, I should be in cleaning the house. Well that is a bunch of sh and remember my rule.

If the paper is the enemy, than thank the cyber goddess who developed the computer. And, ultimately perhaps, if one feels that the blank page is one's enemy I have one suggestion:

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Have a great day and don't let anyone sh all over you.

2005-10-17T07:09:00.000-05:00

Monday Chaos Dragon

2005-10-17T06:42:00.000-05:00

When in the midst of chaos it may seem that order may never return. One thing after another seems to come at us from every side.

We want to throw up our hands, walk away, and hide in the shadow of a willow tree and forget about anything except the wind blowing the leaves with the gentle hand of a mother rocking a cradle.

We may call out for help and none comes. It may seem that there are no answers. But if we take a moment to be still there comes a message from the universe. We will not hear that message if we do not still ourselves and allow it to happen.

Today, the moon is full and even it is hiding out from the tribulations of the world as it is eclipsed. It is important sometimes to let our own reflection of life to be eclipsed by something bigger than us. When we recognize that whether everything is going wrong or everything goes right, this is but shifting waters of cosmic energy and when we are still and in the center of the Tao all is fleeting while all is constant.

The greatest moment of Zen is to realize that it is what it is and we always do the best that we can. The universe does not judge us only the dragon in our mind churns the chaos.

Today I choose to ride the dragon rather than having the dragon ride me.

Sunday: Sentimental Journeys

2005-10-16T07:34:00.000-05:00

There is a journey that we all take. It is to go back to the past. While I do not believe in living in the past I think that sometimes to heal in the present we need to review those things that we consider bad in the past and put them in perspective.

As we evolve as spiritual beings we finally learn the art of unconditional love. We sometimes think that this is about unconditionally loving others. The truth is the first step to being totally centered in spiritual living is to have unconditional love for ourselves.

We need to forgive our own perceived sins and get on with life.

Once we truly accept that all of us, including self, are all doing the best that we can based upon the circumstances in which we find ourselves, it is then that we can achieve contentment and live in a state of grace.

Today live in the grace of total self-acceptance and unconditional love.

I believe in YOU.

please send me your comments at myriammaytorena@adelphia.net

Friday: Monsters and other stuff

2005-10-14T06:32:00.000-05:00

M.I.L. - Monster-in-Law

I can deal well with the concept that everyone is a mirror of what is inside us. Well, until I look at some of the real monsters in life like my M.I.L. - Monster-in-Law. What can one say when one has been forced by choice to live with a demon in one's life. I don't think that I ever met anyone crazier than Virginia. Now, you can say this is just a typical reaction of all women when there is conflict between how and who runs one's household but I can honestly say the only real mistake that I ever made in my life was not killing THAT woman.

Think that sounds like and exageration and I am kidding, well I am not.

I have known her for at least 40 years and I can honestly say that more then 70 percent of the issues that I have had to deal with in life were somehow involved in her actions.
First I married her son and while she is not totally responsible that he was addicted to everything from alcohol to sex to the acquisition of money she certainly had some hand in creating the Lounge Lizard from hell. She gave him the genes to become what he became. A great jazz musician and composer who turned his back on his art to turn to becoming a slum lord so he could have money to fuel his addictions. After seven years I managed to escape him and the marriage but I never was really free of the impact on my life and neither were my sons.
Second I had her grandchildren. For forty years she took great delight in telling them how horrible I was... I was everything from a whore to lesbian to a maniac. There is no limit to the things that she said about me to my children during their developmental years. Their vision of me became distorted because of vile tongue. You have heard about that plant that is sharp and spikey and hurts you when you touch it... now I know why they call it Mother-in-Law Tongue. She even told my children that their father did not love me but married me so that he would have children and not have to go to Vietnam. Of course, I will not even go into what she said about their father.

Third she sent me on a search to recover my soul. After seven years of verbal and emotional abuse my soul was shattered and I was so destroyed that I was luckey to escape with my life and what was left of my sanity. They say that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, I must say that I have become stronger. And along the way to recovery from an abusive relationship with this demon, I was brought to many adventures and expressions of my reality.
Yesterday, I wrote about the entity in the attic, but there was also a demon that lived next door to me while I experienced the evil in that house and it was in th form of that woman. When I had recovered enough to start to think clearly I wrote her a letter and I said there can only be three reasons for the way that she had lived and expressed her life:

1. She was either possessed by a demon and in that case should go to my mother and have her pray for her and have it exorcised.

2. She was totally insane and should seek psychiatric help.

3. She was a sociopath.

After years of analysis and soul searching I have come to the conclusion that my M.I.L. was all three. And hopefully she does not reflect what is me or what I have become. Perhaps because I was able to escape I did not become a reflection of her. Inch by inch, sliver by sliver I have managed to retrieve my soul. However, I still say for the safety of the world and the sanity of my family and me, the only mistake that I ever made was not to kill that woman.

Thursday: The Attic A True Horror Story

2005-10-13T20:46:00.000-05:00

As I slept I could feel this disturbance in the house. It was invading my dreams as if someone were trying to communicate with me. I felt the inner me being drawn out of my body and as I looked down I could see me sleeping.

It was a strange sensation being in two places at once. This second body seemed to have more light to it and it could move in the most interesting ways. I could actually think of a place and be transported there instantaneously. I found myself in my sons' room looking down at them sleeping. Then I found myself at my mother's house looking at her. And then, I was in the attic.

It looked different... well lets say it felt different. It felt cold and lifeless almost. It is a great attic. More of a third floor to the house with wonderful huge walk-in closets lined with cedar. The boys would often come up here to play and their train was set up with lots of room for tracks and so forth.

As I looked around the room, I sensed a presence. A presence that I would almost describe as evil. I had felt this cold energy of evil when I had been here before in my physical body but being in my astral body gave a different perception to me that I did not experience in my normal day-to-day reality.

My first journey out of my body was eye opening, or perhaps spiritual eye opening. These experiences of astral projection continued. In the beginning it would only happen in a dream state but then I began to develop the ability to do it by just going into a meditative state. It is a handy skill for a mother to have in order to keep an eye on her children.

However, another gift or curse accompanied this new and developing skill. I became more and more able to sense the presence of ghosts or entities from other dimensions.

When we had moved into our house, the door leading to the attic had a symbol painted on the door in black paint. I didn't quite understand what it meant but it was almost like a hex sign that would create a barrier to negative energies entering a place. Perhaps this is why the entity was caught in the attic.

After the initial experience as I would walk into the bathroom of the children's suite I started to notice cold spots on the floor. I then started to notice them on the bedroom floor. I realized that we had a ghost or lost soul wandering from the bathroom to our bedroom.

As I began to investigate the history of the house, I discovered that the woman who had lived here before had killed herself in the bathroom tub. Her son apparently went insane and insisted that the house was possessed by a demon and he was sure the demon was in the attic. I felt that he had painted the hex on the door to contain the demon that had led his mother to take her own life.

This discovery caused my house and my family to deteriorate. My sons began to have nightmares. My husband and I began to have tremendous difficulties that led to divorce and my children actually going to live with their grandparents because it appeared that I was having a nervous breakdown through all these events.

A few years after the divorce, a friend who was a part of the Santeria religion in Miami Florida came with me to visit my children who lived next door to that house. As we went through the house, he was able to discern the suicide of the previous owner and also the presence of evil. Though he was able to help the woman pass on to the light, the entity proved to strong for him to remove.

The house was rented out to several different families in the years that followed. Every family ended up having their families torn apart by divorce and/or mental illness.

The final travesty was when my son Donald moved into the house. He developed symptoms of schizophrenia and his wife was drawn into the use of crack cocaine. I begged them to move out of the house which they did but ultimately their marriage was destroyed by divorce.

The entity apparently attached itself to Donald as he has seen it and felt its presence following him for more than 10 years. In fact, I have seen it when I visited him at Lake Erie and later when he moved to Dayton, Ohio. He keeps a cross over his bed to try and keep it at bay but at times when he is vulnerable it has literally dragged him out of his bed. Sometimes those things that science call delusions are but an ability to see through the veil that stands between different dimensions.

As I said it was both a blessing and a curse when I left my body and ended up in the attic of that house at 62 Forrer Boulevard. After the entity attached to Donald there was no more evidence of families being harmed when living there. The house has been sold. However, the evil demon that possessed it still lives and is creating havoc.

Wednesday: Shades of dark and light

2005-10-12T07:07:00.000-05:00

The Portal between darkness and light is often only held open by a simple chair.

Is one trying to let in the light or is one hoping to find the path between two worlds and must keep the portal open until one experiences that other dimension fully?

The illusions that are held in the mind of the artist are always more real then the illusions of reality that are cold and sharp and black and white.

It is in the mind, which is the portal to imagination and the playground of the immortal soul, that one finds the colors that are inherent in both black and white. The light and the dark are a continuum and once we pass through that portal of understanding we know that the chair no longer needs to be a prop to either keep the portal open or tightly shut.

The portal is the illusion and once one realizes that dark and light, good and evil, yin and yang are one, then one is in the Tao. And all wisdom is revealed.

It is in the juxtaposition of light and dark, black and white, subtlety and starkness that allows the colors of life to become as a stained glass portrait of our perceived reality.

Thanks Alice for sharing your spirit through your art. http://www.woodrome.com

2005-10-12T06:47:00.000-05:00

Tuesday: My philosophy

2005-10-11T06:44:00.000-05:00

If I don't remember it, it didn't happen!

I often jokingly use this phrase to explain away my current condition of CRS. CRS means Can't Remember Shit. I will also joke and say I have Old Timers. The truth is I do find it harder and harder to remember things as time goes on. Sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I can't remember to be bothered by the minutiae of life that seems to slip through the neural net that is called my brain. Perhaps, my brain has too much to process? Perhaps, I just don't care? Maybe it matters and maybe it doesn't. However, I am trying to learn some tricks to keep me at least functional in a world where life demands that one at least be courteous to others and to accomplish some things that are important to me.

We tend to remember what is important to us.

In my case that must mean that not many things are important to me anymore. That sounds a little depressing when one first considers it but it really has some great benefits. I have forgotten most of the people who have hurt me or insulted me or made my life miserable in the past. It is a stretch to go back to the negative emotions and go through all that junk again. I do sometimes smile when a joyful memory passes through and gets captured by my attention. I guess I am finally in the moment. That has been my goal for many years to just be where I am both physically, mentally, and spiritually. I smile as I remember Ram Dass who wrote: Be Here Now! This saying was the opening mantra for the new age and I find it is simple and still a good concept.

Life is How You Remember!

How we remember our past is more a matter of how we remember it rather than what we remember. It is not so important that I recall all the details but to retain an over-all gist of the journey that has brought me from there to here. I like here so I hope that I can stay here.

Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday!

Forgive the past mistakes and affirm the past joys. Quit wishing and worrying about tomorrow there is little that you can do about it. Be in your body today and let your spirit be expressed creatively and with contentment. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Don't hang out with folks who bore you. Let go and let life fill you to the maximum capacity of enjoyment possible.

Don't forget to read your audio horoscope everyday (almost - smile) at http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com just click on the audio link.

2005-10-11T06:38:00.000-05:00

2005-10-08T06:04:00.000-05:00

Saturday: Masks

2005-10-08T05:48:00.000-05:00

How do people see you?

How do they see me?

How do you see you?

How do I see me?

Is the mask just another reality?

It's all make believe, isn't it? Marilyn Monroe

Most of us like to believe that what you see is what you get. In someways this is true. However, what you get may not be what is the inner essence of a person. We all learn to wear masks in different situations and with different people. This is not being a phony. It is just that we are all to complex to be showing all dimensions of ourselves to others. In fact, it may be hard for even an individual to see all the dynamics that drive him or her.

One of the most important ideas or concepts to remember is this: It is not important what people think about us, it is what we think people think about us. You will find that if you quit worrying about what people think and quit trying to control it, you will start to feel more comfortable and experience less stress.

When you turn your focus from what people think and turn it to action and seeking pleasure in what you do, life becomes a more content adventure.

So, the with the energy now turning to philosophy and discovering our spiritual path, the question becomes how can I best express the inner me in a positive expansion of possibilities.

Until tomorrow, polish up that mask till it shines.

http://yahoogroups.com/group/myriamsmuse for daily messages in your mailbox from Mother Myriam

Thursday: A mental exercise

2005-10-06T04:45:00.000-05:00

Miss June always set in the last booth of Another Fool’s Café. She seemed detached as she drank her coffee and smoked her cigarettes. It was like nothing around her seemed to have any interest to her but when evening came and the doors were locked and the money was counted and the receipts added up, Miss June knew exactly what the results were.

It was like she had an abacus in her mind that just clicked away as she coolly watched how the business went. She could even tell you how much the costs were for the day and truly knew what the tips were that each server made. Each day she knew exactly what the bottom line was and her range of profit or loss.

No one knew how she did it. All were amazed, especially those who would try to steal or hide something from her. Was it intuition or was it the fact that she had a brain that worked with greater skill then the most complex calculator.

Now, this is a true story. And while it seems amazing to those who knew her, it was still reality. We all have the potential to process an amazing amount of data at speeds that would impress the creators of the computer. Often what appears to be psychic or intuitive understanding or flashes of insight is just the human brain processing information below the line that we call consciousness. Through training, we can all learn to increase the power of our own internal data processor.

If you would like to learn how to do this, you may download a free copy of my e-book Psychic Training in PDF format at http://manifestreality.com/psychic/training.pdf

2005-10-06T04:19:00.000-05:00

Wednesday: Musings on being Amused

2005-10-05T09:26:00.000-05:00

It is raining a gentle rain outside. I am settled in my office and realizing that sometimes we do not have to hurry. Sometimes even I can be still and not feel guilty because I am not working. I really have worked for years about not doing the guilt trip on me and I was, I thought, pretty good at releasing all that crap from the past. But, in the last few days, I realized that the reason that I had been stressing out so bad was because I am a workaholic. If I am just relaxing and doing nothing something in the back of my head kicks in and says something to the effect that something is wrong.

Well! Wake up and smell the coffee Mz. Myri.

I love spiritual epiphany. I do not like personal epiphany where I have to look at myself and say: Myriam - we have a problem here. You know it doesn't make me anymore productive to kick myself when I am supposed to be relaxing. In fact it makes me less productive. I get irritable and edgy and I want people to just leave me alone. I finally recognized that I have to make some changes when I got up this morning late and did not want to work. Something in me is saying the changes that are coming are the changes in you.

Changes!

My sister Glenna said something interesting last night. I was doing that complain game and she was doing the same. It is good to have a person who will listen to you vent and then come back with the most amazing comments. That is Glenna. She said: You do not do anything you don't want to do. I laughed and said you are right. So something in me wanted me to do that guilt thing about work. Well I can tell you I don't like doing that so I am going to explore why I do that. I know that what ever is blocking me is inside me.

Dancing!

When I was a child I liked to dance and sing and just play. Then one day I noticed that when I did certain things people would applaud or laugh or give me really positive feedback. I went from dancing for fun to dancing for rewards. I gave up the love of doing for the love of applause. When I work I want to be the best. I want people to give me applause and recognition. I had started thinking of work as only a tool for getting the appreciation that I had learn to crave back when I was a child.

When I write I always write from my heart. It doesn't matter to me if people like it or not. I like when they do like it but that is not the pay off. That is not the reward. For me writing is a joy that I had when I was a child and would dance and sing.

Today!

Today I promise me that I am giving up the doing for appreciation and going back to doing for the fun of it. From the day forward I give up guilt when I don't work as hard or as well as others want. I am just going to do, quoting Glenna again, the best that I can. And, if it isn't fun, I am going to go do something that is.

2005-10-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

Tuesday: Life with Mother

2005-10-04T05:01:00.000-05:00

A good life can seem much too short. A bad life can seem much too long. Whether one has lived a long life or a short life is rather relative and in context of time as perhaps infinite, any life is short.

Fortunately for most that walk this earth life is filled with good times and with bad times. When times are good we all know just hang on things are going to change. But, happily, when times are bad we should also remember to hang on things are going to change.

I truly like the concept that immortality is achieved when one is remembered. As long as one person holds the memory of one who has passed over in one’s heart one continues to exist in consciousness.

There is a difference in how we are remembered that makes the real difference. We might read about Napoleon or Alexander the Great but do we hold them in our hearts? No we only hold them in history books.

Before my mother passed over she only asked me to do one thing and that was to write a book about her and her life. I did this. The book is called Life with Mother: A Journey of Love, Death and Rebirth. In her own way Mother wanted to be remembered and to have some claim to immortality because to her books brought people back to life. She also wanted to live to be a hundred and be a jelly jar pin up girl on the Morning Show on TV. She didn’t make it to 100 but she will be remembered by many who choose my book to help them through the process of caring for a dying parent. Next May 8th Mother would have been 100 maybe they will invite me to be on that morning show and I can hold up a picture with her on a Shmucker’s jelly jar. She would like that.

Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://lifewithmother.com/

2005-10-04T04:48:00.000-05:00

2005-10-03T05:28:00.000-05:00

2005-10-02T08:13:00.000-05:00

2005-10-01T06:58:00.000-05:00

2005-09-30T07:39:00.000-05:00

Friday: Lowered Expectations

2005-09-30T07:34:00.000-05:00

You got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

As I wrote in my muse this morning, I had a friend who collected frogs. She had glass frogs, wood frogs, green frogs, metal frogs and about as many different shapes and sizes of frogs that one could imagine. I asked her one day, why do you collect frogs? She looked at me and laughed and said: I got my first frog when the fellow I thought was my Prince Charming turned out to be a frog. Then every time I would have a break up with one of my perceived dream lovers, I would buy another frog. That woman had at least 30 frogs. Now that takes a lot of kissing of a lot of frogs. She was still single but ever optimistic that one of those frogs was going to turn into her Prince Charming.

I learned a lot from this woman but mostly I learned about how we set ourselves up in about every situation in life. Basically she did not want to be in a long-term relationship and by focusing on obtaining the impossible she is going to end up a very lonely person with a big frog collection.

It is so easy in life to create a thought pattern about how we want something so perfect that it is impossible to achieve. We never really have to face the reality of dealing with what we want to avoid if we keep up the illusion that what we want some how does exist and keep chasing after the impossible dream in quixotic manner. It is easier to tilt a few windmills rather than face the dragons that we truly fear.

Before I retired from Ohio University, I knew a professor in the English Department. He had been writing the definitive book about Shelley. He worked for twenty years on this project. He finally completed it, had the manuscript neatly typed up, placed in a box and headed to the train station to take his bible of Shelley to his publisher. As he waited for the train, he was truly in a panic. He turned around with his boxed up manuscript and went home. When people asked what happened, he said it just isn’t perfect yet. Three months later he killed himself.

When one is not happy with life and with the events surrounding one perhaps the one thing one needs to do is to lower one’s expectations about perfection. I am a total believer in lowered expectations. If when I wrote I could not publish or submit a manuscript or article if I did not accept the fact that it would never be perfect in my mind. I also had to accept the fact that no matter how perfect it was in my eyes, some people would just think it stinks. So I just go slashing and burning my way through the art of writing and enjoying the process. Now I have to admit that I would dearly love to have a few books on the New York Times best seller list. I would love to be on Oprah waxing pedantic about my philosophies of life and sell a million copies of my books. It could happen and it might even happen. But, in the mean time I have lowered my expectations and I enjoy just being a writer.

Also, I have learned that kissing frogs can sometimes be fun.

Monday: Doctor, we have to quit meeting like this!

2005-09-26T05:29:00.000-05:00

Through the pain and the morphine, my humor still came to my rescue as I looked up at my doctor in the emergency room where I had again returned damaged and distraught.

It has just been a few days since I had been taking a friend for a ride in my new car when another driver ran us off the road. As we careened off the street barely missing a tree we smashed head long into a house that was not ready to get out of the way. My face crashed into the steering wheel and I felt instant and excruciating pain. Time slowed down and it was like I was also an observer as well as a participant in these moments of intensity. I remember seeing the police officer picking up a blood soaked notebook and placing it on the gurney with me. I thought that was strange but later I realized how important it was.

In the emergency room every one was busy taking care of me but not really talking to me. I remember darkness and then I was again floating over the scene again an observer as they placed a shunt inside my mouth to drain the fluids building up in my face. I was later sent home where my mother was to nurse and care for me.

She knew how looking at my ugliness would bother me so she had covered up the mirror in my bedroom with a towel. I just lie in my bed and realized that life as I had known it was over. I was used to being beautiful. I was used to people looking at me in admiration and not in horror. As the nurses at the hospital advised mother applied cold compresses to my face. They did not seem to help. I would reach over and take another morphine pill thinking that maybe it would help the pain go away. It did not. It just helped me detach a bit from it. And I could not cry out. I could only hurt.

I smelled the strangest smell. It was sweet and sickening. It smelled like I imagined death and purification would smell. I reached up and felt my face. I could feel this oozing damp wetness coming from a hole in my face. I passed out and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital looking up again at my doctor.

The shunt in my face had closed up because the nurse had given mother the wrong directions on care. I had developed gangrene in my face and it had burst open. That was the smell that had nauseated me and filled me with fear. That was the pain that would not stop. This time I was admitted to the hospital. As I lie there in delirium I could hear and see the dead walking through the building. I felt the person in the next room die and leave his body. I was living in a place that was supposed to bring hope and all I could feel was pain, desperation and death.

When I returned home my face was bandaged and I looked for the entire world like some kind of mummy.

I could not believe it. I had never learned to drive until about six weeks ago. I had finally bought my first car and the first payment was not due until about 3 weeks after my accident. Some crazy thought about how if you get thrown off a horse you have to get back on kept going through my head. So I went out to my rental car and took a drive.

While with bravado I wore by bandages as a badge of courage, I was devastated. All vanity was washed away by the blood that had covered the accident. I was no longer beautiful. In fact, I was scarred and ugly. What is funny I had always taken my looks for granted. My mother often warned me of the shallowness of vanity. Well now I realized that beauty truly was only skin deep but ugliness went all the way to the bone – my jaw bone.

About three months later, I had plastic surgery but I looked different. To this day I feel marked by this moment and I will often put my hand up to my scar and feel the time when I went from being lovely to being disfigured. As I age, the plastic surgery starts to sag and I can feel the ugliness trying to return and I wonder isn’t it enough to be scarred by and accident and now my youth is disfigured by time. Logic laughs at my insane obsession with my loss but the reality shows every time I look in the mirror. While my life and experiences have taught me compassion for others, sometimes, when I am tired and I look at my disfigurement it is hard to have compassion for me.

Friday: Do you have a dream?

2005-09-23T05:56:00.000-05:00

"If you have a great ambition, take as big a step as possible in the direction of fulfilling it. The step may only be a tiny one, but trust that it may be the largest one possible for now." --Mildred McAfee

Do you have a dream?

A dream that sounds too wonderful to be possible?

All great accomplishment starts with a dream followed by action. It is sometimes scary to risk taking that first step. However, it is better to take that first step toward accomplishment than to live in a world of forgotten dreams.

Maybe you have forgotten your dreams because of being caught in the day to day world of survival. If you are feeling a bit low, stressed out, or just downright unhappy, it may be that you have lost touch with that inner dream -- that sense of purpose.

All is not lost… It is just that sometimes the dreams get put on the back burner until a later time in life when we are able to begin to take those first steps to achieving that which is our special talent.

When I was 18, I went to college but I quit after a year and got married, had children, and worked. I still felt that something was missing. So at age 30 something I went back to college.
I was absolutely terrified. My hands shook when I first asked a professor to sign an add slip so I could join her class. I started out easy. I went to a local community college and took four courses. It was frightening at first but then it became a real joy. I learned a lot -- mostly about myself.

I learned that I could do mathematics -- till that time I couldn't do basic arithmetic without a calculator but I discovered the magic behind mathematics.

I learned that I could give speeches.

I learned that I could express my opinions in writing and be appreciated.

After that first semester I transferred schools and went on to obtain two degrees in four years plus some advance graduate work.

All because I remembered my dream and risked taking those first four classes.

"Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in." --Katherine Mansfield

Thursday: Yes No Maybe

2005-09-22T06:14:00.000-05:00

It isn’t so much that my life is spinning out of control; it is more like how do I take control. I hate those times when one has to make decisions. Sometimes the smallest decisions can throw me into a tizzy as my mind begins to ruminate and consider all the options – minutia can stop me dead in my tracks.

I wonder if will whether I say yes or no have a major impact on my life. I feel frozen and it is like I am caught between being pulled back and being pulled forward. There I am again; stuck in the middle of mental chaos and I don’t like it.

But then finally I say the hell with this and just decide to decide and when I decide I am caught again into the whirlwind of confusion. Well did I make the right decision? What will happen if I made the wrong decision? Maybe, I had better change my mind. This can cause sleepless nights and fitful days as I lay paralyzed and struck by the probabilities and possibilities.

OK! Stop! This is driving me crazy which can be a very short trip anyway.

What do I really want from life? What chance do I have of succeeding? If I do succeed will it make me happy? If I fail, how will I cope with it? What is the worse thing that can happen?

My God! Stop thinking and just do it.

Easy for you to say, sometimes the smallest decisions can totally change one’s life. And you think that is no little responsibility? You are as nuts as me.

OK! So go ahead and piss or get off the pot!

I am getting really pissed off!

What will people think of me if I say no? What will other people think of me if I say yes? Who the hell cares what other people think. It is what I think.

Now if I just knew what I really think about this question I could get it under control.

It is true; God is a comedian with an audience that refuses to laugh. And the truth is that when I give up my need to control the uncontrollable, order will return.

I give up! I have made up my mind.

Next life, I definitely am not coming back as a Libra.

Use This Line

2005-09-20T09:34:00.000-05:00

Kids are just get worse and worse every year. And the rage that we find on the road is just intolerable. You should hear the way that my son talks. I just don’t go to movies or listen to TV anymore; the language is out of hand. And do you believe those religious weirdoes? First thing you know we will all be talking like shock jocks, having gay marriages, and, God forbid, we could have a pagan devil worshipper for president. We have to draw the line somewhere.

But where do we draw the line?

I was talking with my niece Janice last spring as she came to visit from California. She was totally devastated because her husband’s mother, who has Alzheimer, had taken to swearing like a sailor. As Janice said, you would not believe that this sweet, religious woman even if she were totally insane, would ever use THAT kind of language.

Is swearing just bad manners? Is it a lack of education? Is it mental illness? Is it a constitutional right? Is it an affront to good and moral people?

What makes one word good and one word bad? What makes one behavior acceptable and another unacceptable? What makes one love good and another evil? Or is it a hard-wired behavior of the brain?

Perhaps the line we draw and the one that we use is a line drawn in the sand. The sands shift as time and knowledge shifts. Thus our line of acceptable versus unacceptable must also shift as we gain more knowledge, more wisdom, more tolerance and greater scientific, spiritual and social understanding.

What is verboten today will be forgotten tomorrow because the line that we use is grey with various shades of black and white blending and shifting and moving and creating a kaleidoscope of diversity in recognition.

As for me the line that I choose to use is do what thy will as long thy do no harm to self or others.

Afterward: Almost Before We Spoke, We Swore
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/20/science/20curs.html?pagewanted=1&th&emc=th
Born Gay: How Biology May Drive Orientation
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002340883_gayscience19m.html
Some Theories on the Origination of Religion
http://www.religioustolerance.org/rel_theory1.htm

Monday: Moon Meditations

2005-09-19T06:12:00.000-05:00

I awoke at three this morning called by my muse. As I walked from my house to my office outside the darkness was illuminated by the brilliance of the moon. Pure existence was my meditation.

Last night I joined friends in what is called a rolling meditation. Each of us in our own time zone but at 8 pm focused on the power of the feminine divine as expressed by the moon. While this was part of a full moon meditation each phase of the moon brings the metaphor of our growth and development as spiritual beings. Also, each sign that the moon is in has inherent in it archetypes of magic that can touch our spirits and our souls.

It really doesn’t matter what time we choose to do our meditation because time is not a constraint to the divine. Time is just what we use to mark our journey through life and ways to coordinate meeting for tea or getting on the bus to go to work. In an infinite reality all time is one so whenever you choose to do your meditation, we invite you to join us as a collective of Light Workers who choose to connect with our higher power and to manifest the divine in our lives.

Today the moon is beginning to wane as it travels through Aries and moving toward its quarter phase and then its new phase then to its waxing quarter phase and then to the full moon again. Thirteen moon cycles to lead us to understanding and to exist in a perpetual state of grace.

Aries represents the divine warrior. Under this energy we are able to confront our demons and our issues and emerge victorious. It is the seed that is the great I AM.

Taurus represents the divine mother earth. Under this energy we can replenish the soil of life in which we nurture ourselves and our children. It is the seed that says I HAVE.

Gemini represents the human ability to communicate. Under this energy we can heal from words that have hurt us or others. It is the seed that says I THINK.

Cancer is the wellspring of human emotions. It is mother’s reproductive energy. Under this energy we can touch our deepest feelings. It is the seed that says I FEEL.

Leo is the leader and creator of order. It represents our physical body and our ability to play. Under this energy we can release our inner child. It is the seed that says I WILL.

Virgo is the healer, often the wounded healer. It represents our service to others and our willingness to face our pain and grow. It can give us the gift of detachment. It is the seed that says I ANALYZE and I SERVE.

Libra is the energy of Venus as an active energy. It allows us to love ourselves as we love others. It is energy that we can use to harmonize our lives. It is the seed that says I BALANCE.

Scorpio is the energy of rebirth and renewal. It is the energy to go into the dark night of the soul and discovery the epiphany that is our journey. It is the seed that says I TRANSFORM.

Sagittarius is the energy of adventure, philosophy and spirituality. It is the energy to reveal the mystic union of human and the divine. It is the seed that says I SEE.

Capricorn is the energy to persist and work toward goals. It is the energy to discover what boundaries are good for us and which ones must be torn down. It is the seed that says I USE.

Aquarius is the energy of universal love, unique expression and chaos. It is the energy that allows us to transmute chaos into order. It is the butterfly that creates a rainstorm thousands of miles away. It is our clarion call. It is the seed that says I KNOW.

Pisces is the energy of the unseen and the supernatural. This is the path to our spiritual awakening. It is the illusion that overcomes confusion to see the face of God/dess. It is the seed that says I BELIEVE.

For more on keywords and the signs go to: http://dellhoroscope.com/learn/
For moon phases go to http://tycho.usno.navy.mil/vphase.html

Friday: Memories: The Story Telling Mind.

2005-09-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Creating our lives is a constant reconstruction and creation of memories, making new ones and reinventing old ones. Within our minds we are all story tellers constantly sculpting the story of who we are and how we became who we are. Facts have little to do with the truth as we create it in our minds. An old axiom says something to the effect that a person becomes whom he/she thinks about all day long.

We all think about our lives. Sometimes we dramatize trauma and sometimes we minimize trauma. If we are optimists we will make it better. If we are pessimists we will make it better. We go through each day looking for events and ideas that prove the reality that we have constructed is true. And, what is interesting we often tend to ignore or minimize the events or thoughts that negate our perceived reality about self and the world.

There are themes to each of our lives that represent the story that we are creating about who we are and how we became who we are. Some of us are heroes. Some of us are survivors. Some of us are victors. Some of us are just darn clueless. Every person has a story. Our stories drive our lives and help us take sometimes unrelated events and a state of chaos and create order on our reality so that we can perceive ourselves as one and whole and fluid in our experience. We take discreet events and put them together in a story board of our lives. When the discrete events do not fit together in the actual time line of facts, we will rearrange the events in our mind to fit our own sense of unfolding reality.

There are consensus markers that we use to hook our stories onto and create a sense of congruency with society. Some of these are huge catastrophes like wars, assassinations, a cataclysmic act of Mother Nature such as a hurricane that kills thousands, and so forth. Some of these are happy events shared in common with close friends and family such as weddings, vacations, birth of a baby, or moving to a new home. But in between the markers are the events that weave the color into our personal stories.

While it would almost be impossible to convince the majority of people that their lives are a fantasy that they have reconstructed from their perception of reality, the only truth that usually lies in a memory is that we take a few facts and weave them into a new reality every time we think about the past. We embellish. We dramatize. We think we are being factual when we are probably being fractal.

For those who are living life in discomfort and not achieving the contentment that they would like in the present, reconstructing the past and retelling our stories in ways that enhance our lives can be extremely healing and enriching.

The next time an event happens in the present watch what memories are evoked and see what behaviors are being reinforced. What descriptors do you use to express your emotions concerning the event and what descriptors do you use to describe you? How are you using the past to shape your present? And more importantly, how are you combining the past with the present to create your future?

Remember, it is your story. You can tell it anyway you want. Why not make it fun, interesting, and empowering?

Thursday: Flat Tire

2005-09-15T06:37:00.000-05:00

I can’t imagine anything more horrible than a flat tire. First, I don’t do tires. I seldom do cars. And fixing a flat tire sounds too much like manual labor. And like I tell my husband Mark, manual labor begins with MAN. I do not know what in a day and age like this of scientific invention and desires for financial rewards that someone has not invented a tire that would not go flat.

Duh! Of course, I know why it has not been invented. It would mean a tire probably would not have to be replaced as quickly if at all. The Firestone estate lies behind my property. I would not be able to watch their horses run so freely through the pasture if it were not for rubber and air. So I guess there is some value in having to buy new tires at least for those who sell them.

Of course, there is that wonderful product called Fix-A-Flat. When a tire goes flat my husband goes to the trunk of the car, opens it, removes a can, sticks a thing in the thing that in the tire and inflates it. The only problem with that is it doesn’t last very long and you have to go get your tire fixed or buy another one. Only you can’t just buy one tire, you have to buy two or they will be out of balance and wear out sooner. At least that is what my husband tells me to justify charges on the credit card. This just doesn’t seem to make any sense to me because then he explains you have to rotate the tires and have them balanced every so many miles that you drive them so that you get better gas mileage and your tires last longer and you have less chance of getting a flat. Another charge on the credit card justified to prevent a flat tire interrupting one’s life. The final charge that put me over the edge was when he said the real thing that he needed was a tire inflator that would plug into the cigarette lighter port in the dashboard.

Well winter is upon us and from what Mark tells me he will have to be checking the tires more often because when the temperature drops drastically there is an increased probability of the tires loosing air which could lead to another flat tire.

I think I will just have another cup of coffee and keep on writing while he scurries down to the gas station and checks the air pressure on the tires and puts a hundred dollars worth of gas in the tank. We would not want to have to waste all that precious gas keeping me warm in the car while he fixes another flat tire.

Wednesday: Like A Virgin

2005-09-14T07:34:00.000-05:00

I was always amused when one would fill out forms in days gone by when it asked for one’s maiden name. I wondered why it didn’t say virgin name.

In the charge of the triple goddess one honors the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. It seems that all of society has thought that these were the three roles of womankind. I can be virginal at my mother’s side and at my father’s table until I am given unto marriage and take on the mother’s role. And after my use is done, I am the shriveled crone with no value left except to sit in a rocking chair and perhaps hold a grandchild on my knee.

My value and the value of all women through time have been our reproductive qualities.

But times they are a changing because of the work of some amazing women who refused the bondages of society. Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in 1916 and promptly went to jail for thirty days after the clinic was closed. In 1965, the year of the birth of my first son, the first law was passed making it legal for married women to obtain birth control legally. On September 6, 1966, eight days before her 87th birthday Margaret Sanger died. Her life, her battle, and her warrior nature freed millions and millions of women to make choices and take control of their bodies, their reproductive rights, and to seek greater and greater strides toward equality.

In 1965 I was as naïve as the proverbial maiden. I did not have a clue about birth control as my mother, like many of her generation, had never discussed sex with me or how I could protect myself. I just knew that good girls said no and bad girls said yes. I think that is the true concept of the maiden – she just says NO. Well what a legacy that was to woman kind. She is taught to say no to her passions until it becomes a habit and then to say yes when she is in a situation that society approves. My grandmother and millions of grandmothers before her were killed early through the drive of the society to reproduce. Those who were lucky enough to survive long enough to be crones and that was about the age of 50 or so, were devalued because they were no longer good breeding stock.

The Maiden, The Mother, The Crone are no longer the mantle that I choose to wear or to have my daughters or granddaughters wear. The times they are a changing and as new roles are offered to us to be creatives, to be business executives and professionals of all sorts, to be captains of our own destiny. Our freedom from the maiden’s curse has been won through the works of women like Margaret Sanger, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, and more.

Romance novels may idealize me
Prince Charming and Taming Unicorns
But for me spin me tales of Hillary, O’Connor, and Rice.
I like it when good girls are no longer nice.
Sex in the City, Madonna, and Chaka Kahn
The Goddess in me chooses her identity.

Tuesday: The Years to Come

2005-09-13T06:48:00.000-05:00

When one is six, it seems the next hour will never come. When you are twelve it seems that the next day will never come. When you are sixteen you wonder if Friday night will ever arrive. When you are twenty-one, it seems that everything and every moment you live is a harbinger of your future. When you are thirty-five, you begin to recognize that time is moving a bit faster. At fifty, you wonder if you are still climbing up the hill and time is pushing you up further or are you at the pentacle of your life and it will unceremoniously push you over the edge. At sixty, you hope and pray that time slows down. At seventy, you realize that the years to come are not going to be as full of possibilities as those that have passed. At about 80, you sort of sigh and wonder where all the time has gone. And at 90, you wonder will there be days, months or years to come.

While we use time to mark our journey through life, our perceptions change over the years. As I would take care of my mother (Life with Mother: A Journey of Love, Death and Rebirth) when she entered her mid-nineties she said that she was going to live to a hundred. She started to say she was 95 and ½ and then 96 and ½ and 98 and ½ than she began to say that she was going on one hundred. She had a dream that she would be a Shmucker Jelly Jar Pen Up on one of the morning TV shows. She never made it.

In the years to come, I will follow the example of my mother. I will survive the bad times and I will enjoy the good. I will hope that when I die that I had more good than bad. At sixty one and ½ I have realized that life is short. One has to think fast.

http://lifewithmother.com