Thursday: Yes No Maybe

It isn’t so much that my life is spinning out of control; it is more like how do I take control. I hate those times when one has to make decisions. Sometimes the smallest decisions can throw me into a tizzy as my mind begins to ruminate and consider all the options – minutia can stop me dead in my tracks.


I wonder if will whether I say yes or no have a major impact on my life. I feel frozen and it is like I am caught between being pulled back and being pulled forward. There I am again; stuck in the middle of mental chaos and I don’t like it.


But then finally I say the hell with this and just decide to decide and when I decide I am caught again into the whirlwind of confusion. Well did I make the right decision? What will happen if I made the wrong decision? Maybe, I had better change my mind. This can cause sleepless nights and fitful days as I lay paralyzed and struck by the probabilities and possibilities.


OK! Stop! This is driving me crazy which can be a very short trip anyway.


What do I really want from life? What chance do I have of succeeding? If I do succeed will it make me happy? If I fail, how will I cope with it? What is the worse thing that can happen?


My God! Stop thinking and just do it.


Easy for you to say, sometimes the smallest decisions can totally change one’s life. And you think that is no little responsibility? You are as nuts as me.


OK! So go ahead and piss or get off the pot!


I am getting really pissed off!


What will people think of me if I say no? What will other people think of me if I say yes? Who the hell cares what other people think. It is what I think.


Now if I just knew what I really think about this question I could get it under control.


It is true; God is a comedian with an audience that refuses to laugh. And the truth is that when I give up my need to control the uncontrollable, order will return.


I give up! I have made up my mind.


Next life, I definitely am not coming back as a Libra.