Tuesday: Love becomes new again

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

In our relationships we have a tendency to recycle our relationships. We may change bodies as the object of our affection, but basically we choose all the traits that we thought drove us crazy.

All that pulls us to a person and pushes us away from a person are installed as little electronic buttons in our head so we may say this is just too much for me, I am out of here. And we end a relationship, whether a love relationship or a friendship, and then we go on to another.

But if we look at all our past and present relationships we will see that we are often unconsciously just changing partners to do the same dance over and over and over again.

Many of us get caught up with the magic of the romance and chase after a dream only to find that once it has been manifest, what we have actually created is another act to the same drama that we call life.

We throw away people and replace them with new people only to throw away people and replace them with new people. Rather than being so constantly searching for the ideal lover, friend, job and so forth, it is time to discover what expectations we are recycling and throw out the ones that are setting us up to live a life of discontent and turmoil.

Perhaps if we were to discover our own hidden agendas to not be happy we could maintain comforting stable relationships that enhance our lives.

Here are some tips to help recycle love and happiness in the relationship that you are currently in:

1. Think back to when you first met this person or took this job or developed this friendship - what did you really find attractive? Focus on that and bring it back to life.

2. Think back to your childhood and remember before someone noticed your behavior and either rewarded you or punished you, what gave you pure joy. This is your delight seeking inner child. Get rid of the need to have this inner self punished or rewarded in your relationships and just do what makes you feel good. You will be amazed how improved your relationships will be when you come from this place of joy.

3. Do you expect one person to fulfill every need in your life? Guess what, this is impossible. Instead of constantly looking for one person to be your everything, expand your circle of friends and discover the joy that diversity brings you in meeting your needs.

4. Create a happiness journal. At least once a week and perhaps once a day, write down something that made you happy. It might be hard some days but if you search you will find that the opportunity for happiness is always around you and it is not always involving your friend/lover du jour.

5. Once you have discovered what thoughts, actions and behaviors by your friend/lover makes you crazy instead of responding ignore it. Behaviors that are ignored tend to disappear or extinguish themselves. This might take time but it is amazing how avoidance of conflict can improve your attitude concerning other people. Just changing your reactions will help you throw away the things and actions in your life that are crazy making.

6. Recognize that the desire to control is based in fear. You may fear losing someone or something and then you try to control that person or event. It is impossible to control another person. When you accept that control comes from fear you will be released into a more relaxed state of acceptance and won't have to keep looking for the person who is perfect that you can control.

So instead of throwing away a perfectly good relationship or job, it is time to throw away some negative ideas and expectations and recycle the good ones back into your life.

If you need help, sorting these issues through talk to one of our professional relationship advisors.



Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed.
http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/
http://manifestreality.com/
http://asknow.com/
You are the Miracle.
“It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.” - C.W. Leadbeater