Sunday: It's not my problem

Let this become your key - next time when anger comes, just watch it. Don't say, “I am angry.” Say, “Anger is there and I am watching it.” And see the difference! The difference is vast. Suddenly you are out of the grip of anger. If you can say, “I am just a watcher, I am not anger,” you are out of the grip.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

To find peace when all the world is in chaos is a true blessing. To find comfort in the middle of suffering is a blessing. To find contentment in the middle of needing is a blessing.

So often we find ourselves wandering into area of reaction that really do not serve our higher good. We find that circumstances seem to grip us and make us want to just lose control of our greatest ability, the ability to chose our own reactions to a situation.

The past few weeks I found myself spinning out of control... out of self-control would be a better word. There is nothing wrong with any emotion or any feeling. However, there is something wrong with not accepting the fact that we always have a choice about how we react. As I let go of some of this realization and allowed others in the world to impact how I was going to feel, I truly felt dis-empowered. I felt less. I felt miserable to put it quite bluntly.

So in desperation I took a day off from my regular routine. I really had to process my reaction to that choice. I felt lost doing nothing for a whole day. It was truly strange. I watched TV. I slept. I did nothing that was in anyway productive or so I thought. I have to say I came as close to guilt as I get and I don’t usually go near guilt with a ten foot pole.

However, an amazing thing happened this morning. I feel refreshed. I feel renewed. I am starting to feel a zest again that I thought that I had lost. I guess this brain of mine needed some downtime.

It is funny I know longer feel pressed, stressed or a sense of being out of control. I am at a state of realization that it was just my reaction to the changes that I am going through in my life and that I always have the option to change and evolve even if others do not like it. As much as I know that we all have the right to create our own boundaries and say no, I thought that I had to make up excuses for saying no to something I did not want to do. I don’t know whether the excuses were for me or for someone else, I just know that in that needing to have an excuse to do or not do something I create a state of discomfort. I don’t like that. I hope that in the future I will remember that I always have the right to say no and not feel guilty because I am sensitive and cannot handle some kinds of energies that other people don’t even notice. Or if they do notice them act in a negative manner.

I am hoping that finally I have learned the truth of the statement: It’s not my problem.