Monday: The Truth Set Me Free

While New Year’s Day is supposed to feel like the start of something to me it was the ending of something.

And, that is definitely a good thing.

Trying to explain it is very difficult because it was so intensely emotional for me. Trying to explain it so I don’t sound like a big whiney baby kind of thing is much more difficult. Accepting my responsibility in the situation may be the most difficult of all.

I met a person who contracted with me to help her with a project. When we first met she seemed a little unusual and I felt some trepidation but what the heck it was supposedly a small project and I could use the money. This was supposedly a very spiritual person and that I thought was a good part of the project. She had a goal to help people and I thought that was a good idea. So the good seemed to outweigh the bad and I went ahead and agreed to help this person at a reduced rate. Boy I was patting myself on the back for being so nice on that one.

Thus began my three weeks of hell.

Lessons to be learned can often appear to us to be attractive and even when we have a little apprehension, for the most part we are drawn into the lives of Trauma Queens without realizing that we are being set up.

Lessons to be learned are usually fuzzy and not clear cut when they have to do with our spiritual and emotional self-development.

As I progressed through this living hell it became clearer and clearer to me that finding out exactly what this person wanted in her project was going to be increasingly difficult. Every time I would do something to contribute to the project she would change it. Then a few days later to she would change it back to the original way that I had done it. I received email after email with attachments that could not be opened. I explained time after time how it had to be sent until I finally suggested she copy and paste the information into an email. I then created the project for her with a certain amount of simplicity and clarity only to be told I had not done anything right. Well, I could go on and on, but here is the point of the lesson.

I was caught into fuzzy boundaries. Even when I would explain again what my boundaries were over she would accuse me of things and again break the boundaries or contract. A pattern was established of being nice and being nasty and it got to the point that I had to take a nerve pill before I could face my emails in the morning. I became increasingly ill physically. I was tired beyond belief. Then I realized what had happened. I had been seduced into the reality of a psychic vampire.

Now realizing that one has become a victim is not a happy recognition.

I was caught between two realities. I had agreed to complete this project but the vampire in order to keep me in her life sucking grips kept changing things and changing them again. So I had to get tough.

You know I have been brought up to be a polite person. The reality is you cannot always be nice to a toxic person. I worked on being detached and just keeping things on a straight professional basis and then the person would accuse me of being unprofessional. She would bring up issues that she knew would push my buttons (psychic vampires are very good at that). I knew that if I were to preserve my sanity I had to be very direct.

I finally said this is it.

One email after another came from her each switching and changing. I finally replied to the email and commented on each point she made and wrote her back asking if this was exactly what she wanted and if there were any changes she had until 2:00 pm to respond and I would make corrections and after that we were to have no further contact.

I finally got angry.

I woke up yesterday after realizing that I was really furious and had the right to draw a line and say do not cross this again.

All of a sudden my energy returned. All of a sudden I was set free. So New Year’s Day 2006 was an ending that allowed me to make a new beginning.