Tuesday: If it is not fun, you are not doing it right!

Fun is good.

Dr. Seuss

As I grow older my philosophy about life has grown and evolved. Basically it is this: If it is not fun, I am not going to do it.

It seems that from the time we are born, people seem to think that the word “should” should direct our lives. Our parents think we should do things a certain way. Our church leaders think we should do things a certain way. Our teachers think we should do things a certain way. Our spouses and children think we should do things in a certain way. Our employers think we should do things a certain way. Even, the government has the audacity to stick it’s nose into our private lives and think we should do things a certain way. These people and institutions get so strongly embedded in our heads that pretty soon we are living life on automatic pilot and fun and spontaneity has disappeared from our lives and just the pure essence of joy is covered by should.

I don’t know when I came to the realization that the only one who was going to direct by behavior is me. It is a big step to take back our individual power and to be responsible for how, why and what we do and think. We have so long been indoctrinated that it is very difficult to cut these strings that make us act as puppets with society and culture pulling our strings. I am sure you have said this to yourself at one time or another: I would really like to do this or that but so and so just might be hurt or not like it if I do.

When I define fun what I mean is doing something because I like to do it and if others approve or disapprove it is not my problem. Some of the things that I think are fun others would think would be a total bore. Some of the things others like to do, I find totally idiotic and mindless. But guess what -- freedom gives us the right to do stupid and idiotic things as long as we do not harm another person. And I can’t expect that freedom for me if I don’t give you the same rights of personal choice.

I have to admit sometimes I still do some things that are not fun. But this is usually a conscious choice and not an obligation or a pile of should raining down on my head from others. Earlier in life this was not always true sometimes I just did things because I had to but slowly my inner child seeking joy began to rebel. I felt that rebellious voice every time I did something and I felt resentment, anger or stress when doing it. And when I feel these negative feelings now, I know that in some way either consciously or unconsciously I have given away a bit of my power in a way that just made my rebellious inner child stomp her foot and have a hissy-fit. A hissy-fit is what my Mother used to call my behavior when I was little and being totally rebellious against her rules. As I aged I learned to disguise my rebellion in different ways but that little rebel inside me was still alive and kicking my guilt button till I finally decided my life would be inner-directed rather than outward-directed.

Sometimes we are lucky. What we desire on the inside and what is requested from the outside coincide. That is when fun and joy become a glorious explosion of pure pleasure. These events happen with greater regularity now as I am becoming clearer about what is fun to me and what is not in the least bit any fun at all. I am slowly stopping doing the stupid stuff that stresses me out. I am slowly eliminating people from my life who create more pain than joy. I am learning to say NO way when someone asks me to do something that sounds boring, stressful or just plain stupid.

If you are not having fun, it is time to figure out what is fun. Most importantly you need to learn to say NO adamantly and clearly to people who want to bring a few miserable “shoulds” into your life.

So if you would like to be happy the rest of your life, consider following my philosophy of life:

If it is not fun, don’t do it!