Thursday:The Look of Love

Do you remember the old song:

The Look of Love is in your eyes, a look by heart can't deny.

Do you have the look of love -- a love that cannot be denied by those who meet you. Do you radiate an acceptance that just is naturally warm and accepting of others?

It might be in your heart and your true desire but is it showing where others can see it and respond by sharing in that pure warm energy of the heart?

I receive letters all the time from people who ask me: Myriam, why can't I find love? It is like the universe is against me in all my relationships. What can I do to find love in my life?

The answer is so simple that it almost makes me want to blush.

You first have to find love in the mirror before someone else can mirror it back to you.

If you want to find love you have to give love -- but first you have to give love to yourself. I am not talking about narcissistic adoration. I am talking about life-affirming unconditional acceptance of self. Just as the ultimate Mother accepts and love us with all our warts, wrinkles, lack of education or stunning humor, we must learn to accept and adore ourselves.

You must fall in love with you! Now, I know many of you are saying, "Myriam, I do love myself." However, are you deeply within your heart loving yourself as you are with complete acceptance. Answer some of the following questions to see how you treat yourself in a loving way:

Do you use the word should with yourself as in "I should not do that it is bad?"

Do you do something nice for yourself everyday that demonstrates care for the self and for your well being?

Do you protect yourself when others attack you or put you down?

Do you stand up for your rights and value your opinion versus the opinion of others?

Do you reward yourself when you do something well?

Do you create a sense of stability and financial welfare for yourself?

Do you take care of your physical health?

Do you take care of your emotional health and well being?

Do you take care of your spiritual well being?

If you answered yes to six or more of these questions, you are doing pretty well in the self-love department. If you answered yes to three or less you need to do some self-love building.

Building Love of the Self:

Learning to build a sense of love for the self may often require undoing some programming from growing up in a dysfunctional family. This is not impossible but may require some support and mentoring from a professional to help you learn the skills that will demonstrate love to self so that you can be healthy enough to love others. Some of your options are to select a personal coach or counselor that specializes in cognitive behavior modification (i.e.: as you think thus you act!) or to join a self-esteem support group.

Some tips to get you started include:

Repeat the following affirmation at least 3 times 3 times a day for a minimum of 28 days (perhaps starting on the new moon): I accept myself as a loved person.

Create a list of goals that will help you take control of nurturing yourself. Start on each of the questions that you answered in the negative above and choose one goal per month. You might not like your financial situation. In that case, you would perhaps make it a goal to seek out a financial planner to learn the skills that you need to improve your financial security. Or you might need a job coach to help you obtain a better paying job. Don't overwhelm yourself. Choose only one goal per month and work on it. If you haven't completed it in a month than give yourself more time and don't move on to another until you have succeeded in achieving your objective.

Imagine yourself in a chair and have a conversation with yourself. Tell yourself everything that you think is really neat about yourself. You can then write these in your journal. Every time you think of something else good or great or wonderful about yourself write it in your journal.

Celebrate your successes. Look for the little ones each day and congratulate yourself for a job well done -- just like a good mom would do.

If you are in the love zone inside or if you are working on entering the love zone, it is time to take the love in your heart and allow the world to share it with all the warmth that you can muster. I can assure you the more you share this warmth, the hotter it will grow until you are a radiant loving being that others just naturally gravitate to.

To get the love light shining:

Picture a pure warm pink light surrounding your heart. Feel the warmth and comfort. Let it spread through out your whole being until you just feel warm and tingly all over. Experience the warmth of this love with no expectancy or with no conditions. Just be in love.

When you meet others, evoke this warm pink light in your heart and imagine that it is radiating from you to the other person. You will be amazed at how magical this can be when you manifest your love from inside yourself to the other. Even the most difficult person or sullen boss will respond to this in a positive manner -- of course, some will take longer to become aware than others but that is because they haven't learned about love yet but you are going to teach them.

Think of every person that you know or have known -- whether a good or bad experience -- and picture them surrounded by this wonderful glow of love. If you want to throw in a dose of forgiveness for behaviors that might have hurt you, it might just raise your love vibration a big notch or two.

At first you might feel a little uncomfortable working with learning to love yourself but in time it will become natural. You will learn that the love that is centered in your heart and in your soul will heal you and those around you. Your life will be overflowing with the joy and contentment that true love brings an individual. You will have become not only the one who loves but you will be the beloved.

I send to you my warmest love in your exploration of heart healing.