Friday: A final goodbye

Today I received a copy of the first review of my book Life with Mother; a Journey of Love, Death and Rebirth. You would think I would be doing a happy dance. I am not.
When I received my first copies of the book a week or so ago, you would think that I would have done the happy dance. I did not.
I have been trying to understand why I am not ecstatic about all of this. A new book published and a positive review should make me feel very good. I am not even able to generate enthusiasm when I talk with my dear friend and agent. I keep trying to kick myself into gear and begin the marketing process of being a writer but I keep falling into a funk.
It was not until I sat down this morning to write that I realized what my issue is with the book and my reaction to what should be a happy event. The publication of this book represents a final chapter of my life with Mother.
You see Mother died a year ago last March 10. She would have been 99 on May 8. She only wanted one thing in her last years to make it to age 100. As she got closer and closer to her death her goal shifted to having me write this book. Life with Mother is my last gift to my Mother. It represents a closure to a time in my life that will never be again and my recognition that I am truly alone.
I am taking a few days off to go and see my sister who is 77 and my husband’s grandmother who is a young 90 years old. I will return late on Monday and hopefully I will be able to put my grief in perspective and begin in earnest to make this book a handbook for all those end-of-life caregivers who are committed to a holy mission of assisting those that they love make that final transition from a life on earth to one that we can only hope is better.
You see I have one more task to do for my mother; she wanted this book to be successful. To be successful it must be read.

http://lifewithmother.com