Thursday Little Joys

Joy to the World. All the Boys and Girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

I remember the first time I heard that song. It made me happy. It still makes me happy when I run it through my mind. I should remember to do that more often.


It is really interesting how life has a way of taking joy away. Yet we all have the power to find replacements that give us good feelings. It is an amazing thing. The mind cannot think about two things at once. When negativity and the blues are interfering with our contentment factor, training ourselves to focus on what we choose can make the difference between a life that is happier or a life that is sadder.


Now when one is feeling a natural emotion like grief, it is good to attend to it and not deny it. However, when it becomes a habit to live in a state of gloom and desolation it can have a direct impact on our mental and physical health. Research has already demonstrated what my mother always knew that being happy and actually laughing helps cure cancer and other illnesses.


Stress and resultant unhappiness hurts the immune system. You might say that happiness is an autoimmune booster. In other words being miserable makes you sick. And, I don't know about you, but I am sick of being sick.

How do you kick start the joy and kick out the blues? How do you think about something else besides what is really depressing you? You learn to create new habits that evoke natural antidepressants in your mind. Each of us has deep inside of us what those who are new agey call our inner child. This is the part of us that knows how to have fun. How did it learn? Well it learned when it was in charge of our life as we were developing.

Think back to when you were a little kid. What did you do to amuse you? Did you like blowing bubbles? Did you like dancing? Did you like playing tag? Did you like sitting by a stream or lying on the grass and gazing at the clouds and seeing the images change? Did you like that first jump into a cool pool on a hot summer's day? Each of us have things from our childhood that made us happy. Sometimes when we grow up, we forget that we can still do the things that make us happy. Your parents were having the same problems that you and I have as adults but we didn't worry about it because we knew our parents would pay the rent, put food on the table, and make sure we had clothes. It didn't matter if we were rich or poor because we didn't even know what that was. It is a learned concept.

However, if you did not have a happy childhood or if you are just too stuck to get the joy juice flowing there are some things that you can do to escape the doldrums and depression.

First thing in learning something new is to focus. If you cannot focus, you cannot learn. Second thing in learning something new is to practice. Third if you forget to practice, you go back to the first step and start over again.

Learning to focus can come by using what is called a moving meditation. Anything can be a moving meditation that requires movement. When you wash the dishes, wash the dishes. Pay attention to each spot and make sure that you wash the dishes perfectly. When you take a walk, don't let your mind wander but watch how you walk. Pay attention to how you put your foot down. Walk faster and watch how your body reacts. Are you breathing faster? Slow down and see if you can feel your heart beat seem to slow down.

Focus on each thing that you do and the clutter in your mind will start to be tamed.

After you have developed focus you can move on to the next step. The next step is to choose a behavior that you want to change. This must be a small behavior. Don't just say I am going to change my life completely. Choose one area of your life that you want to change and make it a small thing. If you are stressed because you feel that you don't have time to spend on you, get up fifteen minutes early and just do something for you. That could be a leisurely bath or sitting on the front porch with a cup of coffee listening to the birds wake up. If you are stressed because people ask to much of you, start learning to say no. You will be amazed that once you learn how to say no people will respect you more than when you were a door mat being walked over by every one else's problem

The process of learning to have more minutes of happiness is simple but it is not easy. When you feel that you have failed just say to you: I missed the mark. I am starting over. Then go back to your moving meditation to reinforce your ability to focus.

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Agnes Repplier

Morning Muse

Myriam Maytorena

http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/

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Monday Romance

To love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance

Oscar Wilde

June is a time for romance. I think that the month of June has always been responsible for more affairs of the heart than any other month. Must be true because I was born in February. In fact, I am a Valentine's baby.

It makes sense that Cupid runs around with little clothes when you think he has so much work to do in the hot summer months.

I fell in love this June. I fell in love with me. Well lets put it this way I became aware of how important it is to love self. Now don't get me wrong, I have always loved me. But I have to admit that in the past I was more romantic and crazy about me. As I grow older I am finding that my love of self has grown more mellow and accepting.

It is not so important now that I do everything and be obsessed with being good at everything. I am happy with the simple things like drinking my morning coffee, reading my email, writing and talking with my best friend Glenna.

Glenna by the way is my sister. Glenna was born in early January. I think Cupid was also busy in June, nine months before she was born. As for Gladys, my other sister, and my brother Lee they were born in December. So I guess Cupid was moving along in May also. However, as I was doing some research I found out some interesting facts. Did you know that every three seconds a baby is born? Now that shoots down my theory about June and Cupid. That is one busy little cherub.

Some more interesting factoids:

• Sweden has the lowest birth rate in the world, 1 in 100.
• Malawi, in Africa, has the highest, 5.3 in 100.
• The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69.
• From 1725-1765 a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets.
• According to a survey, women prefer blue bedrooms more than other colors; men are happier with white bedrooms.
• A Swiss study found that a majority of women unconsciously choose mates with a body odor that differs from their own natural scents, which, as a result, ensures better immune protection for their children. "Longevity" magazine reported that the genes that battle disease-provoking substances also influence body odor.
• The first child ever born on the continent of Antarctica was born in 1978.
• The average stay in a hospital to give birth was 4.1 days in 1970. It was 2.6 days in 1993.
• Statistics based on more than a half-million births occurring in New York City hospitals between 1948 and 1957 show a significantly greater number of births taking place during the waning moon than during a waxing moon.
• A survey conducted at Iowa State College in 1969 suggests that a parent's stress at the time on conception plays a major role in determining a baby's sex. The child tends to be of the same sex as the parent who is under less stress.

Births US
1998:

• January . . . . . . 290,000
• February . . . . . 309,000
• March . . . . . . . 325,000
• April . . . . . . . . 342,000
• May . . . . . . . . 324,000
• June . . . . . . . 343,000
• July . . . . . . . . 359,000
• August . . . . . . 329,000
• September . . . . 337,000
• October . . . . . . 342,000
• November . . . . 315,000
• December . . . . 332,000

1998:

• January . . . . . . 308,000
• February . . . . . 310,000
• March . . . . . . . 332,000
  April . . . . . . . . 337,000
• May . . . . . . . . 318,000
• June . . . . . . . . 326,000
• July . . . . . . . . 357,000
• August . . . . . . 337,000
• September . . . . 330,000
• October . . . . . . 356,000
• November . . . . 311,000
• December . . . . 321,000

Well another day of Myriam's Musings and nothing has been discovered new except maybe that love and romance eventually have to do with love, marriage and the baby carrige.

Morning Muse

Myriam Maytorena

http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/

moments in the morning with my friends

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Tuesday: Life with Mother

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain

Yesterday was a good day. My book Life with Mother was published and is now available for sale on my website. I want to thank all of you who wrote me notes of congratulation and support. I want to especially thank my sister Glenna for her support which made it possible for me to complete the book. Today my morning muse is dedicated to Glenna.


Mother used to always call Glenna sunshine. And from when I can first remember Mother always loved the song You are my sunshine. Her last year, I could always cheer her up by singing it. Sometimes my brother Lee or sisters would be on the phone and they would all sing this song together. And Mother always wanted Sunflowers around her. She and Glenna have been sunflowers in my life.


One of the major things that I learned from my mother was that in spite of adversity - or maybe because of it - we can grow and we can thrive. We can become the spiritual flower that we are destined to be when that seed of our soul is planted when we are born. It is the role of our mothers to nourish that early development so that we can evolve into the spiritual beings that we are to become. I was lucky in that my mother was a very good gardener of her own life. She knew how to pluck out the weeds of fear and distrust. She knew how to water and refresh her life with faith and hope and belief. She knew how to perservere in the worst of storms. She taught me these skills.


Some folks were never fortunate enough to have a mother like mine. Some were orphaned at an early age rather than at sixty like I was. Some had mothers that were ill, either mentally or physically, and did not receive the nurturing they needed. However, I have learned we have lots of mothers in our lives. One of mine was Naomi Hail. Naomi married my brother John and was always special to me. Many times when I was growing up the adversities in life challenged Mom and me, and I would go and live with Naomi. She taught me other skills that I did not get from Mom. She taught me to be involved in life. She taught me how to put on make-up and be a girly-girl. She taught me how to hang in there also.


It is amazing how our female friends share with us different roles. Sometimes they are like sisters, sometimes like mothers, and sometimes they are our daughters. Male friends do the same. Sometimes they are like brothers, sometimes they are like fathers, and sometimes they are our sons. Always, they are the flowers manifest in our garden of life.


Today I am going to hang garlands of Sunflowers in my office as I remember my life with mother.

http://lifewithmother.com

Monday and Harry Took a Long Weekend

What else can I say except: It's Monday.


It seems that my muse took a long weekend and is not communicating with me this morning. So while he/she is away in some other dimension or reality, I thought I would tell you a little about my muse.


I call my muse Harry Harkness. He is a wizened and sweet little angel. I can visualize him sitting on a tall 3 legged stool in front of an old fashioned desk wearing a green visor. On the desk is a honker of a computer that Harry can use to access my neural network. So when I need to get the old brain kicked into gear I call Harry. But like I said, I think Harry took a long weekend and is either incommunicado or asleep.


I didn't know at first why I decided to call my muse Harry Harkness. Then one day I heard a song in my head - I do that quite often - and I heard: Hark the Harold Angels Sing. So my muse is a Harry little Angel that keeps me company and helps me work. He is my homunculus.


Homunculi are created entities to serve the wizards and magicians who create them. They are telepathically connected with their makers and will often go out into the world to spy or solve problems for their master or mistress.

Homonculi are a reflection of their creator. They have the creator's alignment, basic intelligence, and even physical mannerisms. They are mute but can write if the creator is literate. They may assist their creator in a variety of tasks including magical endeavors, although they cannot themselves cast spells. This is a description from a game site called the Land of Cain. http://home.chatfirst.com/landofcain/


Many ancient Kabalist and Alchemist were credited with creating homunculus but in the Hebrew tradition they were called golem. These created beings were often protectors and always helpers. Even in ancient Egypt they would create clay servants to be buried with the dead. These were magical creatures that helped with the afterlife. All of these created beings were not functional unless they were named. There is no one who needs more help than a writer so I created and named my homunculus Harry Harkness to help me along my manifest way.


While looking for Harry, in case he was outside my neural net and out on the Internet I found a neat site: http://f2.org/humour/language/oddwords.html

Sunday - A Made to be Lazy Day

Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability

Sam Keen

It is Sunday - made to be lazy day. The birds are waking up and Lucky the cat is laying on the bed in pure joy that only a cat can know. There is something special how cats just know the value of relaxing into life. For some of us, Sunday is the only day where we can evoke our inner feline. So relax. Have another cup of coffee. Eat a donut - calories don't count on Sundays.


There is a value in self-indulgence that many people miss. The pure exhilaration of having a cup of coffee on the porch early on Sunday morning with nothing to do but watch the flowers bloom is an amazing gift to self. It is empowering to the soul. Laziness on Sunday refreshes the mind. Powering down on Sunday gives us the ability to fully power up on Monday. My only expectation on Sunday is to just be in the moment of awareness of all the blessings in my life.


A day unfolding as no other day has in history that is the gift of a lazy Sunday. May all your Sundays be filled with nothing but pleasure.

Morning Muse

Myriam Maytorena

http://myriamsmuse.blogspot.com/moments in the morning with my friends

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Friday is Fantastic

Superlatives like fantastic get to me. Awesome! Amazing! Aggravating!


However... Today has been pretty good. In fact, this week, was most excellent. I guess today is about miracles. Big miracles and small miracles seem to fill my life with increasing speed. I don't think that there are any more miracles I just think that I am more aware of the blessings in my life. I think I even like that word better than miracles. I am in a state of perpetual blessing.


So Friday is fantastic because I am giving thanks for so many blessings in my life. I could list them but that would take more time than it takes to just smile each time I recognize another little blessing has entered my reality.


Miss Ruth used to say that coincidences are God's little miracles. Sometimes events seem to be random and out of synch with expectations but in a world of constant change, randomness is often just a matter of perception.


I started writing on the web about seven years ago. I kept at it and I persisted. I would write to websites and ask to exchange links. I created a newsletter and sent it out every week and I had about 30 subscribers that I had seduced into reading what I write. When I saw a possibility of increasing my readership I would take it. A couple of years ago I started to get inquiries from people about using my writing or other skills. I thought it was random and strange. However, when I asked how they found me, the answer was always the same. I found you on a search engine. So after seven years of persistence what appear to be coincidental little miracles and big miracles are actually the result of all the seeds that I have planted all over the net.


And as I write this I never know if next week, or next month, or next year, someone like you might stumble onto this blog and another blessing will come into my life.

As the Buddha reportedly wrote: You are the miracle.

Imgine the Possibilities: http://manifestreality.com

Thursday is a Holiday

The Manifest Way
I Believe in YOU!
A service of Maytorena Ministries since 1997
http://manifestreality.com


If I'm going to sing like someone else, then I don't need to sing at all.
Billie Holiday American jazz singer from the 1930s to the 1950s, 1915-1959

Thoughts: Today I am declaring a holiday: A day where I am free from the expectations of others. A day when I am free of the expectations from me. In fact, I have no expectation but that I will have fun and follow my muse.


Commentary: I woke up late this morning. Instead of feeling guilty, I felt good. I felt rested. I didn't even have to slowly create my day as I had already done it in the hours before I awoke. Yesterday’s blues had faded in the dreams that came to me through the filter of the full moon shining through the window. I went to my computer and sat the radio station on Billie Holiday songs.


To me Billie Holiday is the icon of individuality. She was up. She was down. She was superb in her art regardless of where she was. She was her art. And as an artist her life was a work in progress. That is what I am as an artist; I am a work in progress. That is where I am as a person; I am a work in progress. Until I die, I continue to be a work in progress.

Art is never finished, only abandoned.
Leonardo da Vinci 1452-1519

I have spent my life creating and re-creating me. It seems that I seemed to have been born with a phoenix totem attached permanently to my DNA. I have crashed and burned only to rise up stronger and definitely more interesting. In fact, I think I am addicted to chaos and change. But guess what? As Billie sang it: Ain't nobody’s Business if I Do!


Remember: Each one of us has one prime directive to create who we are now and who we will be in the future. If you don't like the past, than change where you are now! And if you want to stay stuck, hey that is not my problem. It is yours. I love reinventing me. I love taking the materials that have been put together by my life's experiences and combining them in increasingly complex and interesting ways. That is the manifest way. That is the way of the possibility person.







Please feel free to pass this along to your friends and small enemies to help them keep motivated in creating and expanding their possibilities. If a friend has forwarded this to you and you would like to receive the Manifest Way – I believe in you in your own email box once a week send a blank email to manifestway-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or go to http://yahoogroups.com/group/manifestway

"The Manifest Way -- I believe in you!" is a weekly essay by Myriam Maytorena to help you keep focused on your positive possibilities in today's world of chaos and confusion. A brief interlude to help maintain hope, faith and belief.

Wednesday Wonderings

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

Oscar WildeIrish poet, novelist, dramatist and critic, 1854-1900

I seldom question what I hear anymore. Why? I guess that I have become jaded. It seems that truth is relative to the moment. Most folks are not compulsive liars so you can pretty much accept that what they tell you they think is the truth. I used to think that I was a truth speaker. I was pretty adamant that what you see is what you get. Until, an interesting incident which involved my Grandson Quinn who was 8 at the time.


Quinn was asking me why his great grandmother (my ex-husband's mother) hated me so much. I just quickly answered without thinking: Because I tell the truth. Quinn, with all the sincerity and honesty that only 8 year old can have asked me: But, which truth Grandmother Myriam?


Talk about having your breath taken away and your mind spinning in a new direction, well that has had me thinking ever since he said it. I have come to realize that I do primarily speak the truth but it is based upon how I see it or feel it or hear it. It may have nothing to do with pure, unadulterated facts. I smile as I remember Joe Friday, the TV detective in the original Dragnet: Just the facts, maim. Just the facts.


A lot of us mix up truth and facts. All truth is not factual. And all facts do not necessarily reflect the truth. And, memory is the biggest liar of all. I remember what I want to remember but I am not a clear recording of reality any more than history is a truth but only the reflections by a victor.


If we recorded our lives purely as fact, the color that creates our reality would be lost. When we tell our stories we are always telling those stories based upon all the events that happened up till we stored that memory and all the events and feelings that followed that memory. We are able to create a credibility to our memories by storing details that seem pretty irrefutable. However, every mothers child is perfect 20 years later.


There is something really powerful about the malability of memory and truth. That which was too awful to be remembered can be reframed to make it tolerable. That which was to boring to bother with can be dramatists to make it more exciting. Many issues that we face in our adulthood have to do with remembering the past in a negative manner. Or, it might even be from remembering the past in a positive manner. I am usually one who opts for possitivity when I have a choice but when rose-colored views of the past interfere with the now, one needs to take off the glasses and see more clearly.


To deal with the death of my father when I was eleven, I created an image of the perfect father. Unfortunately few men could compare with the perfect memory I had invented as a part of my life story. Therefore I would choose men who were probably good men in many ways but there was no way possible that they would ever be able to compare with my ideal. In learning to have a good relationship, I had to become more realistic about the imperfections of humans. While I still keep tucked away in my heart the memories of being my father's little princess, as an adult I don't need to be a princess, I prefer to be a goddess. Talks with my mother in her last years enabled me to clarify the reality of my father. I became aware that he was good, bad, ugly and sometimes beautiful. Now I can have relationships with people, not just men, who are flawed but still divinely perfect at their center.

They say the truth can set you free, sometime the truth can only entrap you into repeating the patterns of the past and the history that is only an approximation of what was reality.

Imagine the possibilities: http://manifestreality.com/possibilities

Tuesday Temptations

Never say no to temptation, it might not come your way again.

Each morning tempts me to explore new ideas and concepts. I awake to my muse who calls me to find a new way of looking at the world, at my life, at my thoughts, and with the possibilities that surround me.

Today is the solstice. This is a day when the sun apparently stands still at it's highest point in the sky. Everything I think about that concept I remember the classic movie: The Day the Earth Stood Still. In this movie a man from another galaxy far, far away with superior powers visited earth to ascertain if we were evolving enough to be worth saving or if we were a danger to self or others. All he saw was war, anger, fear and hurt except in the heart of a small child. The child gave him hope so he decided to show people that there was a power greater than them so they would stop their evil ways. So, after consulting with a scientist who was a forward thinker, they conspired for a demonstration. He made the earth stand still. Scientists around the world gathered to discuss the phenomenon and to find ways to give the world a second chance. You know I can't remember the ending but I bet things changed.


Today is the solstice. The sun stands still and we here on the earth can stand still and appreciate the wonder that is our world and all that live here. And, in about 18 hours, the moon will join the sun and become renewed. We can use this current energy to renew ourselves and to pledge again to change the world one person at a time starting with us as individuals.


We are so fortunate to be blessed by international news available in micro-seconds. Some think this just shows how bad things are in the world. However, this is not true. The news lets us see where we need to focus love and healing to our planet. In analysis of war and conflict over time scientists have indicated that there is a significant decrease in conflict in war. There is less self-destruction going on globally than in any time of recorded history. Therefore the news is not to scare us but to remind us where we all need to do work to bring healing to our world.


I am tempted to shut out the world and not feel the pain that is here. I am tempted to shut people out of my life who are still wounding themselves and not experience their pain. I am in a state of constant temptation to seek pleasure and not pain. But today for a few minutes while the sun seems to stand still I will look deeply into my heart and my connection with divine love and see that we are all healed and whole once again.

However, I am also tempted to feel the joy that comes from summer. My seeds have been planted. My weeds have mostly been pulled. I wait for the harvest. In the meantime, I will take this day that god/dess has made and give thanks for all that was given me, is given me, and will be given to me. I will merge with the energies of my ancestors and dance and frolic and express pure joy in the gift of summer flowers, fluttering butterflies, and singing birds. I will dance. I will sing. I will let my imagination take wing.

Imagine the possibilities: http://manifestreality.com/possibilities

Mondays and Rainy Days

Monday awoke me slowly. It was like I had awakened into a new dimension of time and space that was moving like honey on a cold winter morning. It was not particularly uncomfortable. It is felt different than what I usually experience.


Now I have never been the type of person that would get up in the morning with a burst of energy and go about my day non-stop. I am always slow to engage the day but usually within an half hour or so, I am starting to be able to think with clarity. But I have no clarity today. It is like my mind is covered by the fog that is outside my window covering my crouching tiger mountain with a mist.


It is not even one of those hazy, lazy days of summer because summer will not be here until tomorrow. Of course, we know that the seasons do not have strict demarcations except for bean counters and those who celebrate the earth religions or make calendars. But, it is not summer yet in my little corner of the world. In fact, it doesn't seem like any season. It feels more like the earth is holding her breath before she exhales the tangy energy of fun in the summer sun.


I am wandering like a blind person through my mind trying to reach out and feel what I cannot see.


I feel a little creature in my mind that is taunting me. Why aren't you doing something? Why are you not creative? If you don't feel creative, why are you not editing your old work? If you don't feel like editing, why don't you go do the dishes? I hate that nudging creature that wants to push me into action when there is no action to be felt or found in my mind. I am almost angry at my reaction to the day and to that stupid voice in my head.


And then another little creature pops up and is trying to comfort me and bring me back to the truth of the day. It is OK to do nothing. It is OK to listen to music and feel the quiet moments of inner solituded. It is certainly OK to just kick back and relax.

Then the nudge comes back getting louder and louder. It is Monday and not Sunday. You are supposed to be working the day away. Sometimes it just ain't fair when rainy days and Mondays come at the same time. The rain seems to waken those creatures in my head who are conflicted and out of tune.


The heck with this inner noise, I am going to drown it out with some good jazz and a cup of tea.

Sunday's Joy

May your memories be happy shadows dancing you into the future!

Myriam Maytorena 2005

I have always loved Sunday mornings. Not because it is a day of rest but because it is a day of memories. I grew up with Sunday being the focus of life in my home. It was always dress up and socialize day.


We would get up early and scurry around getting ready for church and to spend a time celebrating our friendships. When I was a little girl Mom would get me ready and try to do something with hair that would never follow instruction. I would cooperate by putting on a smile. Dad was a preacher man and much older than Mom so I was the apple of his eye. I remember he would never hush me from the pulpit as Mom and I sat in the front pew. The ladies of the church would be filled with the holy spirit and they would stand up and wave their hands and shout "Praise the Lord, Brother Hail" whenever he would touch a cord in their hearts. Following their lead, I would break away from Mom's restraining hands and start running up and down that front pew, raising my hand, and gleefully join in "Praise the Lord, Brother Hail". Sunday mornings were filled with fun, and action, and joy in the spiritual connection with others. And then Sunday afternoons would be the best meal of the week and if it were at home there would be pot roast with potatoes and carrots and GRAVY, and green beans and hot rolls Mom had made. If we were invited out by some church members there would be Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes and Dumplings and playing with other kids or me just being the entertainment of the day. On Sunday mornings I was precious.



When I was old enough to start to school Sunday mornings were still great. I would put things together in some unique way that God never intended and we would go off to church and my hair still did not obey the laws of nature. However, it was fun time and Sunday School. My friends and I would giggle and try to act serious when our Sunday School Teacher tried to teach us simple little versus like: God is Love! And, we would sing. How I loved to sing. This little light of mine I'm gonna make it shine. And I would shout: Make it Shine. Make it Shine. All the Time. Then the same wonderful dinners which were always the same roast beef at home or fried chicken if we went to the house of a church member.



When I was about 12, Monday through Sunday became sad because Dad died. I was caught up in my self and lost. I wandered through life for awhile lost and confused. Not knowing really what had happened. We still went to church on Sunday mornings and still had dinner usually with a family member when it would be roast beef but we were not invited to the homes of church members much any more and maybe that is why I learned to hate chicken.



Something amazing happened when I was about 15. I started to notice boys. And Sundays became fun again. I would get up extra early and carefully coordinate my clothes and fuss and fix that hair that I tamed even though it still wanted to defy the laws of God and nature. Now instead of sitting in the front pew, my friends and I would sit in the back. We would stifle giggles and use our hymnals and the titles of songs to send back private messages. Sunday dinners were fun again but sometimes it would be meatloaf or macaroni and cheese. You see Mom had a new husband who loved her macaroni and cheese and he loved her. Things were fun again on Sundays. My mother became easier to get along with now that she was happy. I sometimes could talk her into letting me stay home from church on Sunday night and I would drink a cold coke in a little bottle and talk for hours with BOYS on the phone and watch the Big Bopper on Ed Sullivan.



And then it was time to leave home. I swore I would never go to church again. Of course, I broke that promise to self many times over the years but Sundays continued to bring me joy.



First, when I would be hung over after a night of serious partying with my friends at college. Then, when I would have Sundays free from work and responsibility. Then, the happiest Sundays would come and my children were in my mornings. I would drink coffee, read the paper and share donuts with them as they played around me. Oh the routine changed over time and I never quite got back that joy when I was 2 and 3 and would shout Praise the Lord Brother Hail, but I get it back through music.


I have started to have joyful mornings every day. I get up and make my coffee. My kids are gone but the cat bugs me for food and the dog insists on going out and my computer calls and I create my morning muse. I used to think when I was young (er) that when I am able I will sleep everyday till I wake up thinking I would wake up like I did at 16 at eleven am on a Saturday morning or summer's day and say to Mom, I don't know how it happens that this house is always so neat and clean. Now I know how it happened and it doesn't happen here. And, time tricked me while I can sleep as late as I want my muse and aching body seem to wake me at sunrise and I face the day with joy. Knowing after I write my morning muse, drink a couple of cups of coffee it will be 8:30 and my sister Glenna will call and across the miles she and I will smile and share memories of yesterday and memories of years gone by.



Today is Sunday. It is a day of joy but I leisurely create my day and anticipate my conversation with Glenna.

Saturday Sadness Songs

You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair.

It is impossible not to be sad at times. There are just fleeting moments of memories and fears that come up. If we fight them they become stronger. If we just allow them to be and observe soon we discover what these feelings are trying to tell us. Today is Saturday and I am sad. I observe my thoughts which seem to be random and unable to be plucked up and analyzed. They make so sense in the greater scheme of things.


However, we do not always live life in the vision of the greater scheme of things. Often we just live and be. We learn to be comfortable with our emotional state regardless of its draining of our psyche. Sadness truly drains the psyche. It can bring us to a point where we have a little mini-crisis of faith. Yet, I know as much as I really prefer joy this is my reality for the moment.


Feelings of sadness for me are not intense. They are like the blues that drift on the breeze in New Orleans. I can hear a tenor sax whispering the moans of those who have felt this before and I know that I will feel it again.


As I give into my sadness I realize it is not my enemy. It is feeling. It is perhaps a cosmic empathy with the weather or the turning of times as we begin a new journey. I find that I might have opened up to the energies of another and my sadness has nothing to do with me or where I am but a subtle connection with the energies of another. Yet, I don't want to turn away. I want to understand.


I want to find a dark, smoke filled bar and listen to a piano player as the chords of the blues raise up and fill the souls of those who come to be alone in a crowd. Yes I want to be alone and feel the sadness. It is almost like a self-indulgence that has no meaning to anyone but me. It is also a melody that others experience and it is like it goes round robin from person to person across the globe until it stops at someone who really has a reason to be sad. A person who has a reason to sob. I have no sobs or wails. I am just in a funk.


I prefer being funky to being in a funk. Funk is fun. A funk is the antithesis of fun. I work to lift my spirits yet they want to swing down low like a sweet chariot coming for to take me home to a quieter time in my life.


Maybe I am not sad. Maybe I am in withdrawal from the manic wonder of the past week. Maybe I just want to be amused and to feel the fun of being funk again.


My profundity is less profound. My thoughts are less deep. My wit is less sharp. I am just on a slide into the well of semi-intensity. I think that it really has to do with having an overload this past week with many issues to deal with as far as my career and my life. What I interpret as sadness is just that I am tired.


Wouldn't it be cool if sadness were just my mind interpreting being mentally tired?


I can handle that.


However, I would still like to be in that little piano bar in New Orleans listening to the blues alone in a crowd.

Friday - Well Aged

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain

Chinese Proverbs

I was talking with my sister Glenna this morning. That is not unusual; I talk to my sister Glenna every morning. Each discussion seems to spark my muse and my writing. I guess in someways that Glenna is a muse for me.

I always like to have some funny quote to share with my Sissy because it starts our day off in a positive way. In fact my morning muse that I send out to my friends every morning was a result of wanting to do something funny for her. It evolved and evolved until I have to tell you that a morning with out conversations with Glenna would be a real drag.

The quote I shared was the one above about a woman's age. She quipped back, I must have nothing to lose because I have been spreading my age around all over the place. And we were off on our morning conversation about aging and hanging in there.


She said I think I will have to have a new way of telling people how old I am and. . .

Myriam: The first 3/4th of the century were great, and the next 4th is even greater.

Glenna: I am going on 80 but past 70.

Myriam: You are 77 and 1/2.

Glenna: It is a lot easier going down hill than climbing up hill.

Myriam: You are a Capricorn and even old goats want to bound up that mountain, you just do it in a more leisurely way. Retirement has made you a lady of leisure.

Glenna: You are just trying to get my goat by calling me an old goat.

Myriam: You are like fine wine, you grow more exquisite with age.

Glenna: I will take some cheese with my whine, thank you.

And so our morning went as we framed our day to one of optimism and hope in spite of the true difficulties of aging. We all are aging and facing this reality of decreasing capacity. Glenna always shares with me stories about her life and her friends. She gives me a vision about relationships that I would never have had on my own. Our morning conversations give new visions about how I can become well aged.

Me: If you live another 100 years may I live another 100 years minus one second so I don't have to live without mornings with Glenna.

http://manifestreality.com

Imagine the possibilities

What Comes Up Must Come Down

There is such a desire to make everything bad or negative. For example, this essay implies that every time we win we have to loose in order to keep balance.


I don't think that is true. Every thing that comes up could keep going higher. What is it in us that keeps thinking we have to fail. No matter how high we go it is implied that we are going to fall. This is such a fallacy and it hurts us to think such things.


Sure there are things that get in our way. Sure there are things that don't go as we want. Sure there are times when we don't miss the mark. [btw sin really translate into missing the mark.] So sometimes we don't fly as high as we imagined but if we didn't take the risk to imagine where would we be today?

So, come fly with me and explore the magic of believing that what goes up - goes up - goes up - and goes up higher. Sometimes the gravity of reality can be escaped if we just believe.

Love Ya Bunches
Myriam

Do you think I am pretty?

Tell me I'm clever, Tell me I'm kind, Tell me I'm talented, Tell me I'm cute, Tell me I'm sensitive, Graceful and wise, Tell me I'm perfect-- But tell me the truth.

shell silversmith-1999

I watch my ego dancing across my reality. It wants to be loved. It wants to be appreciated. It wants to appear as beautiful. It wants to be in the world and experience all the beauty that is possible even when it is extremely ugly. My ego wants to protect me. My ego wants to enhance me. My ego usually is me.

I look how much I want to be that child I was at 2 or 3 when every one noticed me. When every one thought I was perfect. That was a time when I could crawl upon laps and just feel so warm and perfect. I want to return there.

I want to crawl upon a cosmic lap and feel the big warm fuzzy feelings that come when the goddess loves me as much the god. I want to feel empowered by knowing that I am all that I want to be.

I don't think that I am so strange in wanting to be loved. I don't think that I am so strange in wanting to be special. I don't think there is nothing strange at all in wanting to be cute. But, I would prefer to be exquisite and beautiful. I would loved to be drop-dead gorgeous. Am I? Who knows? I guess it depends on the observer and the culture.

Is it ego that I want to feel the appreciation of others? Is it ego that I want to feel good about the way I look? Is it an illusion that is culturally driver? Of course it is. However, do you think I am cute? Do you think I am precious? Do you think I am interesting?

If you don't, I can still be all of that and more.

A Night of Appreciation

You cannot find beauty unless you appreciate beauty. You cannot find friendship you appreciate others. You cannot find love unless you appreciate loving and being loved. If you wish abundance, appreciate life.

William R. Miller

The night is again with me and I find that the moods and fears of the last night have disappeared and I am again in a state of expectancy. Today, I wandered with my husband up into the mountains of the Blue Ridge and experienced the joy of the primitive. While it was hot and steamy, there was a wonder about it all. I was away from work. I was away from people. All that was there was my husband, my dog, my Porche and the open, winding roads.

As we traveled over the wilderness-like roads I was reminded of Mother and the roots from which I emerged. I tried to imagine the road's pavement disappearing from my road and sense that time when in the mid-1600's bands of people sought another way of life. The majesty of the mountains that surrounded me and cuddled me with coolness in comparison to the heat of civilization was quite comforting. I felt alive and ready for anything that might come my way.

There is a sense of nostalgia when one feels the earth. A remembering that is cellular and has little to do with history in the common sense of history. A knowing of your ancestors in your bones and in your muscles. I think about the wonder of the people who came before me. I wonder about their lives and their drives. Why did they choose to journey to a new land and leave everything behind them? It is not like today when I can chat on instant messenger with my grandchildren. It is not like today when I can call my sister who is three hours away by car and chat for an hour. It is not like today, when wars become visible on TV and the Internet. How did they live in the isolation?

And then I look up at the mountains and down into the streams and I wonder: how can I live in the intensity of today's civilization? The peace was so intense like the wail of the train when you are not used to it. Or, it was like the hoot of the owl late at night when one is in the country. When you are used to the city, the country sounds noisy. When you are used to the country, the city sounds noisy. Each has its own sense of being alone. I am not sure which is better. Both are good for a while. However, returning to town, I longed for my air conditioning as the heat climbed and the humidity hung down on the car like a threatening invisible cloud.

And tonight I pour a cup of coffee and add a little bourbon and I am thankful that I can walk in both worlds - the city and the country. That is very much like my mother and I am glad that I have that legacy.

The 20th of every month I publish the e-zine Light Source with lots of great information from different and diverse spiritual writers. To subscribe send a blank email to lightsource-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Tuesday To Do or Not To Do!

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

1884-1962

In the late night hours the thoughts come. I can't do this. I can't do that. Motivation slips into the muscles of the mind which are tired by the energies of the day. In the evening even the most powerful when left alone by courtiers and kings and it is no longer necessary to be the cheerleader of the world, one wonders is it possible? Why have I started on the path. Can I really make a difference.

Then come morning and the mind begins to stretch like a cat awakening from a soft, warm nap and in the distance floating over the steam of coffee belief begins to awaken. What seemed like a worm last night becomes a dragon with wings and brightly painted scales. Life seems possible again.

The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.

James Whitcomb Riley

I don't like to think that I am human. I want to think that I always have the optimism, the energy and the persistence to work toward a goal. Yet, there are times when I feel tired and I wonder if I have the energy to carry on in manifesting my dreams. I have heard all my life "just do the work and you will win." However, there is nothing said about when you are tired you just need to rest. I am afraid when I rest the dream will have floated away on the winds of time and I will be faced with the recognition that I was too tired, too lazy, too unmotivated to do what I dream I am to do.

At night I question myself what am I to do and what am I not to do. In the morning, I get up and make another "to do" list. Motivation is a daily task to maintain focus and to realize that yes I can do what I want. I must learn not to listen to the demons at night who just want to drag me into sleep but torture me first with doubts about my ability. At night I forget my totem is a Pit Bull and I feel like a cowering pup facing the master who is angry. But come morning, I have grabbed hold again of that bone which drives me ever forward.

There are two times in the day not to talk to me: At night when I am taking off my day dreams to go to sleep and in the morning when I am widening my visions to awaken to new possibilities. Truth changes in eight hours. What is true when I am tired or afraid, becomes a different truth when I am awakened in the morning ready for more passion and to be a fearless dragon again.

So the important thing in a military operation is victory, not persistence.

Sun Tzu(ca. 500 BC)

I discovered this morning that I do not have to be persistent every evening but every morning I have to realize that I will have victory over the fears that tormented me at night. Night terrors disappear in the light of day. And I go about my day deciding what to do and what not to do. My morning muse empowers me from a space deep inside and keeps me coming back to the path to dance my way into the future. I can learn at night to put my dreams into a loving scarlet satin pouch of safety in my heart until the morning comes and then I take them out and let them fly free till night comes and it is time to put them in a safe place again.

Imagine the Possibilities: http://manifestreality.com/possibilities

myriammaytorena@adelphia.net

Monday Morning Blue Skies

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies.
Gene Hill

Today I woke up with a choice: I can frame my day as positive or negative. I choose to create a positive reality.

We cannot always avoid pain but we can avoid suffering. I don't particular like to suffer. I find it very uncomfortable. Not only is suffering uncomfortable it interferes with my life. So I make choices to look for the good in my day and in others and to let the negative slide off my reality into oblivion. This is not the same old is the glass half empty, half full routine but more a realization that I can toss my garbage in the garbage bag where it belongs to be set outside on the curb for pick-up by the cosmic trash pick-up.

I remember a book from years and years ago that was called Garbage in! Garbage out! While I can't remember who wrote the book and basically cannot remember what was in the book, I remember the title. It stuck with me as cliché in my brain pool because it represents what we can do with the issues in life that muddy up the waters. The quicker that we process the garbage in our lives and move it out the less stinky and the less dirty will be our realities.

So it is Monday morning and the beginning of my week. I can have those "Monday morning blues straight from Sunday blues" or I can choose to focus on the blue skies of unlimited potential. And, thus I am framing my day and my week and my life.

Everybody in the "New Age" movement of motivation and inspiration will throw ideas at you about manifesting, creating your reality, and lots of really nice buzz words but when you get right down to it, no one is saying how to really do the work that it takes to be happy. That is right. There are no explanations about how to go about the business of reclaiming your right to pursue happiness. Choosing to be happy as a long lasting expression of life is for me to be content all the time but to be really energized at certain times with the excitement of new ideas. I like to have my passions evoked with intensity. I want to be awake while I am alive. I will have enough time to sleep when I am dead.

Learning to be happy is a habit. Perpetual behaviors emotional or brushing your teeth are habits. Changing habits changes the way we react to or act on our lives. And, if you change one habit, it will have an effect on your other habits. It is not easy to change habits because the mind has a tendency to get into a routine and resists change. Some people are in the habit of being negative and getting them to change to a habit of being happy can be very difficult. In fact, one of the biggest personality traits that is hardest to change is an attitude of optimism or an attitude of pessimism. And, the truth is only you can change a habit in you. And, if you change a habit in you, it has a ripple effect through your whole personality and attitude toward life and it has an impact on the people around you.

In family therapy, it would be impossible to change the behaviors of everyone in the family dynamic. However, if the therapist can find a fulcrum to shift the balance within the family changes can be made. It is easier if all the family is involved but sometimes the rest of the members do not want to cooperate. So sometimes it is necessary to do individual therapy and support change with an individual in the collective which will impact and create the fulcrum for change that the family needs.

This can apply to the individual as well. If you can find a fulcrum with in your group of personality traits and behaviors where you can activate the energy of the change process it will create a temporary state of chaos or change which will eventually populate through out the personality and create positive changes. The point here is that one has to be willing enough to experience the discomfort of chaos in order to enable one to achieve a new sense of awareness and power to control one's expression in one's manifest reality.

There is little chaos and big chaos. Little chaos is much easier to handle and it helps one develop the traits that enables one to be more adept when the big whirlwinds of change occur - sometimes in what appears to be random-less and pattern-less ways. Taking charge of your life means becoming a chaos warrior and that takes practice and developing skills that enable you to become more and more an expert in manifesting your preferred reality. The more that we routinize our daily manifestations, the more efficient we will become in creating new and needed behaviors to make challenges to grow and change a faster and easier process.

To begin to enhance your chaos management skills, you need to make a choice to change one small habit at a time. You don't all of a sudden decide to loose 50 pounds, stop smoking, quit drinking, and walk five miles a day this morning. You choose for the next week or month to create one new behavior that makes your life better. Than next week or next month you choose to create one new behavior that makes your life better. After a while, it will become automatic to look at behaviors and reactions that are creating discomfort or dysfunction in your life and make changes of the small constantly so that you do not have to be driven into a state of extreme chaos because something happens that makes you have to hold on to the structure of your life to keep it from blowing apart. You will have developed emotional and spiritual flexibility to be able to move with the winds of chaos rather than have to fight from being completely destroyed and having to build who you are back up from the roots.

Start today! Just work on creating the habit of taking a few moments every morning to frame your day so that your mindset is either positive or negative. Create an external cue for you that will remind you through the day that you choose to approach all challenges, opportunities and events in the most positive manner possible. After a month, you will find that approaching the day with a sense of excitement, expectation, and desire for the best to manifest will have become a habit. How long it will take will depend on your individual personality and where you find you in the day-to-day expression of being in the world. Some will find it takes longer because they have spent years or even a lifetime expecting the other shoe to fall. Some will find it takes only a week or two because they have come to expect that even in the worse circumstances there is something positive to be learned. As you create this one routine of positive expectancy the habit of reacting in a proactive way to the events and feelings of your life will become stronger until when you are hit with a big crisis you will all of a sudden realize that you deal with it with quicker and more intense awareness and have developed complex skills that empower you to expand your possibilities in all areas of life.

While we write in Possibility People that we change the world one person at a time starting with you. You change yourself one moment at a time beginning with now. Expand your possibilities today and begin to frame your day and you will soon come to actively frame your life.

The Possibility People: http://manifestreality.com/possibilities for more information about changing the world one person at a time starting with you.

A Sunday Kind of Love

To be persuasive, one must be believable.To be believable, we must be credible.To be credible, we must be truthful.

Edward R. Murrow

I spent the weekend entertaining a friend. She is always fun to be with and we can talk for hours into the night. Now I am not exactly a spring chicken so drinking and talking till three in the morning is not an everyday occurance. But, it was a nice two day occurance. It took me back to college days and exploring ideas until they were lost in the haze of a drunken stupor at the local pub. However, we are now past drinking, driving and hang overs for the most part. So we drink our vodka and rum in the safety of the living room and our conversations seem more direct and quick and observant due to our experiences.

It is interesting that the more the alchol flows the more the truth flows. We became more and more intensely caught up into the meaning of life from a totally different perspective than when we were young and death was a lifetime away. Now death is closer and has been a visitor in our lives. Mother has died. Her father has died. We have both experienced what it is like to see people we love pass over to the other side. And it is Sunday night and I am thinking about a new day starting in the morning and my work becomes more intensely important as I realize that the times between Sunday to Sunday seems to be growing shorter.

I can remember not that many years ago being amused about how young people would be so worried about needing to get things done now. At 17 or 30 there is a feeling that the moment is all there is and if you don't get that date, that college admission, that right job or that right spouse that life is over for ever. When I was 45 I realized that time was a slow meandering process and that we could not push things but instead needed to relax and let life happen.

Now I am sixty and the moments between Sunday to Sunday seems to have shrunk. Oh I know that there are as many minutes in a hour as there has always been but the minutes seems to be shorter in my perception of time. I can explain it in theory but to express it in the way that it feels in regards to my reality is difficult. I know that I still have work to do and I am growing shorter and shorter on time. Life definitely is slipping faster into the future.

There are new issues that I need address in this time of my life. It seems that until now I have been a perpetual student. I would learn. Then I would integrate. Then I would learn again. However, now it seems that it is time to move to a new phase in my life. I have become a teacher, a shaman of the magic of unlimited possibilities when all of a sudden death is seen as a real possibility and thus a limiter of what I can get done in the 10, 20, 30 years or minutes that I have left.

For the first time in my life I have recognized fears. Fear was always fuzzy to me in the past. Now, it looms before me and wants to enter my consciousness and waste my precious time with worry. I worry about dying. I don't worry about being dead because when you are dead it is pretty much a done deal for this lifetime. I worry about the process of dying. I worry about pain. I worry about suffering. I worry about trusting others to make sure that I don't suffer. I want to push it out of my head on Sunday and wake up on Monday just doing the things that make me happy. I want to work and then I wonder about what about when I can't work. What will I do?

I think it was easier when I worried about the right date on Saturday night rather than worrying about how many Sundays that I will have when I will be able to wake up to Monday and do the work.

Is my work of value? Or, more appropriately has it more value to me than to others. When one reaches the time when one is not climbing up the hill but trying to keep from sliding down the hill and the momentum is building and we are sliding faster and faster it is hard to keep focused on the goal that took us to the top. Instead we become intensely caught up in slowing down our decline into the abyss.

I have, fortunately, reached a time when whether I am credible or not doesn't bother me. I know my experiences. I know my layers of truth. I know my value as a person but I then get caught back in the fear that as I grow older my value to others will decrease. When one can't walk the walk, one had better be able to talk the talk. I play games in my mind to forget that death is now my companion and is fully awakening. It was easy up till now to avoid that reality - the reality that when I was born I began a journey through life with the ultimate goal death.

As more and more men and women will be faced with the reality of death. Parents die. Friends die. We die. However, until that final goodbye, I am here and it is Sunday night and I am in love with life.

http://lifewithmother.com - Life with Mother: A Journey of Love, Death and Rebirth.

Friday Musings about Toxic Relationships

While I think both men and women find themselves in dysfunctional or toxic relationships, I think that we approach it differently.

Of course I am making these observations based on a small sampling of men - but Piaget created a whole theory of child development just observing his own three children grow in Paris and that theory stands strong today. My observations are made based upon looking at my sons (I have two), husbands (have or had 3) brothers (have or had 8) and some friends (can't count those but the long lasting male friend is 1meaning more than 15 years). And a small sampling of women, sisters(9), mother (1), mothers-in-law (3 -- better not use them I am biased scewed bad) friend (1 more than 20 years lots more 5 years or less)and, of course, at the center of my observation, me. Throw in a bunch of employers and employees and partners in business along the way. Oh, I forgot lovers -- at my age I better not forget them because what the heck who knows if I will ever have them again.

One thing that I have noticed in common with both men and women is the unwillingness to let go of a painful relationship until it becomes so painful that one cannot stand the pain any longer or in the case of when I worked with victims of domestic violence till there is a clear and present danger that can be life threatening.

I grew up with the value system that one did not leave a relationship (marriage in particular) period. In fact, I was totally shocked at 19 when I married my first husband to find out his grandmother in the 1920's left her husband and became a single parent of three children and raised them by herself and never married again. Until that point the idea of divorce was not even a part of my reality except for a few "bad" men and women.

Women who had children had very limited options in taking care of themselves and their off spring if they divorced and left their husbands. In our society in the US until about the turn of the century ( could go look up date but too early in the morning) if a woman left her children, the custody automatically went to the father -- that is a big shift which seemed to start about the early 1900's correlating with the suffrage movement but may have roots going back to the Civil War when the agony and horror of war created a nation saturated by alcoholics suffering ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) Add WWI, WWII, Korean Conflict, Vietnam (with the introduction of other drugs in the 60s) and the increase of men (and women) with PTSD increased. Our whole culture through wars and the depression developed a case of deep fear. Men and women both became victims of a speeded up culture in which threat was more apparent. As a nation we had more toxic relationships with other countries -- before WWI -- we were primarily a closed nationalist state with limited involvement with other countries and did our agrarian thing but slowly moved into an industrialization of our country. Women and children worked in slave conditions for pennies a day. Men worked in mines and factories in quiet but angry desperation. The move from the country to the city and from being isolationist to being a world power changed the dynamics of our society and the roles of men and women.

When wars come along women are called to do the tasks of men so the men can go off and get killed. As we can all see this has changed significantly with the last two wars as even one of my dear friends Kimberly is now off to teach men and women to kill for the next month while her attorney husband takes care of their one year old daughter.

I know I appear to be rambling but I am really trying to get to the center of how we have shifted from being simple extended families where there were changes in stimuli, changes in reactions to the environment and reality, and, ultimately, changes in the roles of men and women. The society reflects the people and the people reflect the society. Toxic society indicates toxic people. By using the word toxic I am saying people that have emotional disorders that decrease their ability to have healthy supportive relationships. Toxic people undermine relationships and toxic countries undermine peace.

OK, after creating a semi-basis for my theory of dysfunctional relationships, why do women and men stay in relationships when it is obvious to observers that there is real damage and hurt going on? Because, it is learned behavior. We see others acting out in the same way that we do. We learned it from our parents. We are in fear.

Women fear hurting other people more often than desiring to hurt other people - (the same may be true for men but the actions that I have seen in domestic violence is about 90 percent of abusers of spouses are men and 10 percent are women. When it comes to being abusers of elderly parents and children, however, it is about equal when it comes to physical abuse. Sexual abuse seems to follow the 90/10 ratio). Men fear being hurt or respond to being hurt by striking out and hitting or yelling etc. Women will often respond to fear or being hurt by freezing and inability to take action to protect selves. I am very curious is this dynamic will change as we have more and more role models of women as soldiers in the military, the police departments, and so forth.

I don't believe that there is one person on this list who has not or is going through a relationship that causes psychic and emotional pain. In fact, as humans I think this is our greatest link in our reality. I truly believe that the way that we as women can empower each other is too witness each others stories of pain and to explore ways to obtain healing and thus become maybe wounded healers but also to be come spiritual warriors in helping others either by example or direct services to heal hurts and become strong and healthy again.

Sadly some scars will never heal. However, they can become less noticeable scars if we quit picking the scabs off our wounds and bleeding again. Sometimes, we choose to die the the death of a thousand small cuts as we tear open old wounds and go over and over them again. Sometimes, we don't heal because we, yes we, sabotage ourselves by changing people for the same people in other skins.

As we learn to heal, we become more and more aware of when we are setting ourselves up and can act more quickly to minimize damage. And, we can learn to be more aware when others are setting us up to be victims and can act more quickly to minimize the damage and get the heck out of Dodge.

Girl friends are so valuable because they can help us see more clearly as long as they are on the path to healing also. However, girl friends (any friend) can also slow down the process by wanting us and them to stay stuck in the pain game by just constantly re-opening wounds. When we seek out a support group we have to be very careful that it has not been created to keep us in a wounded state but has a clear and direct goal of helping us heal. I remember Marie telling me the other day that she left a support group for victims of domestic violence because the members of the group and the therapist wanted to stay in the pain game and not enter into a journey to healing.

When Janet helps the homeless she does not sit under a bridge and commiserate with them about how horrible life is and that it is cold in ND... she looks for ways to find them shelter, food and clothes. When we help each other we need to look for positive steps to take to facilitate each others healing. This doesn't mean that we can't share hugs, tears, and stories, but it does mean that each one of us has to have an overall goal of healing and empowerment. We help each other to develop the skills and tools that will bring strength to other women and when we do that we will help both men and women of the future because the majority of children today are raised by women like you and me and we are shaping how our culture will evolve and reflect the individuals.

As you heal, you will be able to heal those in your life in a significant way. Sometimes, the best way you will be able to help them is by saying NO! The abuse, the pain, the toxicity stops here. It might be kind of hard to do at first. When you start saying no to dysfunctional behaviors the world and the people in your relationships will fight back. That is why your focus must move from the expectations of others in your relationships to putting the focus on you. I am telling you now from experience they will fight your changes. My sons did, my mother did, my husbands did, many of my friends did. However, as I held my ground even when the pain became intensified I found answers and I slowly became clearer and clearer about what it means not to lead a life of pain.

I still make mistakes. I still get pulled into pain games. However, I have become faster at cutting the cords that keep me connected to these relationships. I have found that when I get angry it is a good sign that something is going on - either I have set myself up or someone else has set me up or I am in the process of setting up a dynamic that is unhealthy for me. I have also learned to trust my intuition and the intuition of my husband who can tell me within 60 seconds whether someone is going to be a problem or a help in my growth and development into a more consistently happy person.

Ask you this question: The last time I got into a toxic relationship did I have a sense that things were not quite right. It might be that the person asked you questions that took you places you didn't want to go. Or the person might just seem to good to be true when this happens it is usually reality that you are be delusional about the other person. However, when you step back and go into a new relationships with awareness you can slowly build healthy ones because you will learn the signs that there is danger ahead.

Remember, sometimes as both Cate and Marie, said you must be willing to get rid of those who would help you either stay stuck in pain or lead you into pain. It takes courage to walk away from people even people you have only known for a few days or weeks. But, as an emerging powerful woman you can learn to do it and you can share your stories of increased awareness on this group. Julia I have to be honest in saying that virutal relationships can carry with them all the pit falls of the relationships that we meet in our daily reality which you expressed so beautifully in your poetry.

Finally, I would like to say you will reach a point where it will be safer for you to take chances on new relationships because you will have become more powerful. You will heal more and more each day until you realize that only a powerful person can choose to be vulnerable because you tested the waters before you jumped in out of fear or desire.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Please share your thoughts and observations about how you have seen you or others set themselves up and how you have seen you or others discover new ways to learn to be more careful in creating relationships that are healthy and empowering.

Last night on im Marie said to me, I would rather be without a man than be with a man who creates pain and hurt in my life. I add to this I would rather be a recluse and have one or two or three good friends/relationships than have a houseful of pain creating game players.

Love
Myriam

Thursday's Thoughts

We think too small, like the frog at the bottom of the well. He thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If he surfaced, he would have an entirely different view.

Mao Tse-TungChinese stateman, the key figure in China in the 20th century, 1893-1976

This morning I wandered the net looking for frogs. Not metaphorical frogs, but graphic frogs to do my morning news from Myriam.

And like all little adventures I find inspiration and thoughts that provoke my muse and wake her up. She likes to sleep at times in the deep waters of my unconscious and it can take quite a few ripples on the top of the pond to catch her attention. This morning however she awoke with a jolt and a realization. Can you imagine it. Muse had a frog lit epiphany.

I had been looking for frogs to honor the be-toed of a good friend of mine. A be-toed is like being betrothed or hand-fasted with another but it is a smaller commitment. When one is be-toed it is like dipping a little toe into the pond rather than diving into the deep depths of a relationship. Sort of like how the journey of a million miles starts with lifting up the pinkie and pointing it to one's destination. It gives a glimpse at where one might dare to go.

And thus that little pinkie dipping into my sea of memories awoke my muse and she realized some important issues.

She could look at the past and ask why or she could look at the past and smile at all the dichotomies that had been solved, all the mysteries that had been explored, all the mountains and molehills climbed and then put them down a well and move on to gaze at the sky.

If you would like to wake up with my muse every morning send an email to myriammaytorena@adelphia.net and ask to receiving Myriam's Morning Muses.

Moon Day or Musings on a Monday

Today is a fascinating day for me. I find that becoming energized can change my creativity and thus my productivity.

Why I got caught up with the concept of time and was taken off my main path for a little journey has to do with the daily morning news I do every day for my friends.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

Charles M. SchulzAmerican cartoonist, 1922-2000

Then I realized my column for Solitaire was due on June 6. Well it is June 6th but my editor is in Singapore where it is June 7th so I am a day late but in my world I am right on time. Time stands still for no writer it seems. So I had to abuse my muse and get in the modus creativus. How say thee, can it be done so quickly. I call and talk to my sister. Of course, I call and talk to my sister every morning at 8:30 am so in effect she is my co-muse. After playing word games for half an hour with the speaker phone on as I typed I quit abusing her and went back to work.

To avoid creationism interruptus in the future, I wrote my columns through October. What a taskmaster is my monkey muse. Teasing me with dreams of fame and royalty checks. Seducing me with a bunch of ripe coconuts waiting to be cracked and filled with the elixir of authorian angst.

And now, another creationist interuptus hunger calls and my husband bellows from the other room: What's for Lunch!!!! Like not caring what it is as long as I prepare it. Such is the life of Myriam and her muse.

Till next time...

Love and write on.