Thursday:The Look of Love

Do you remember the old song:

The Look of Love is in your eyes, a look by heart can't deny.

Do you have the look of love -- a love that cannot be denied by those who meet you. Do you radiate an acceptance that just is naturally warm and accepting of others?

It might be in your heart and your true desire but is it showing where others can see it and respond by sharing in that pure warm energy of the heart?

I receive letters all the time from people who ask me: Myriam, why can't I find love? It is like the universe is against me in all my relationships. What can I do to find love in my life?

The answer is so simple that it almost makes me want to blush.

You first have to find love in the mirror before someone else can mirror it back to you.

If you want to find love you have to give love -- but first you have to give love to yourself. I am not talking about narcissistic adoration. I am talking about life-affirming unconditional acceptance of self. Just as the ultimate Mother accepts and love us with all our warts, wrinkles, lack of education or stunning humor, we must learn to accept and adore ourselves.

You must fall in love with you! Now, I know many of you are saying, "Myriam, I do love myself." However, are you deeply within your heart loving yourself as you are with complete acceptance. Answer some of the following questions to see how you treat yourself in a loving way:

Do you use the word should with yourself as in "I should not do that it is bad?"

Do you do something nice for yourself everyday that demonstrates care for the self and for your well being?

Do you protect yourself when others attack you or put you down?

Do you stand up for your rights and value your opinion versus the opinion of others?

Do you reward yourself when you do something well?

Do you create a sense of stability and financial welfare for yourself?

Do you take care of your physical health?

Do you take care of your emotional health and well being?

Do you take care of your spiritual well being?

If you answered yes to six or more of these questions, you are doing pretty well in the self-love department. If you answered yes to three or less you need to do some self-love building.

Building Love of the Self:

Learning to build a sense of love for the self may often require undoing some programming from growing up in a dysfunctional family. This is not impossible but may require some support and mentoring from a professional to help you learn the skills that will demonstrate love to self so that you can be healthy enough to love others. Some of your options are to select a personal coach or counselor that specializes in cognitive behavior modification (i.e.: as you think thus you act!) or to join a self-esteem support group.

Some tips to get you started include:

Repeat the following affirmation at least 3 times 3 times a day for a minimum of 28 days (perhaps starting on the new moon): I accept myself as a loved person.

Create a list of goals that will help you take control of nurturing yourself. Start on each of the questions that you answered in the negative above and choose one goal per month. You might not like your financial situation. In that case, you would perhaps make it a goal to seek out a financial planner to learn the skills that you need to improve your financial security. Or you might need a job coach to help you obtain a better paying job. Don't overwhelm yourself. Choose only one goal per month and work on it. If you haven't completed it in a month than give yourself more time and don't move on to another until you have succeeded in achieving your objective.

Imagine yourself in a chair and have a conversation with yourself. Tell yourself everything that you think is really neat about yourself. You can then write these in your journal. Every time you think of something else good or great or wonderful about yourself write it in your journal.

Celebrate your successes. Look for the little ones each day and congratulate yourself for a job well done -- just like a good mom would do.

If you are in the love zone inside or if you are working on entering the love zone, it is time to take the love in your heart and allow the world to share it with all the warmth that you can muster. I can assure you the more you share this warmth, the hotter it will grow until you are a radiant loving being that others just naturally gravitate to.

To get the love light shining:

Picture a pure warm pink light surrounding your heart. Feel the warmth and comfort. Let it spread through out your whole being until you just feel warm and tingly all over. Experience the warmth of this love with no expectancy or with no conditions. Just be in love.

When you meet others, evoke this warm pink light in your heart and imagine that it is radiating from you to the other person. You will be amazed at how magical this can be when you manifest your love from inside yourself to the other. Even the most difficult person or sullen boss will respond to this in a positive manner -- of course, some will take longer to become aware than others but that is because they haven't learned about love yet but you are going to teach them.

Think of every person that you know or have known -- whether a good or bad experience -- and picture them surrounded by this wonderful glow of love. If you want to throw in a dose of forgiveness for behaviors that might have hurt you, it might just raise your love vibration a big notch or two.

At first you might feel a little uncomfortable working with learning to love yourself but in time it will become natural. You will learn that the love that is centered in your heart and in your soul will heal you and those around you. Your life will be overflowing with the joy and contentment that true love brings an individual. You will have become not only the one who loves but you will be the beloved.

I send to you my warmest love in your exploration of heart healing.

Tuesday: If it is not fun, you are not doing it right!

Fun is good.

Dr. Seuss

As I grow older my philosophy about life has grown and evolved. Basically it is this: If it is not fun, I am not going to do it.

It seems that from the time we are born, people seem to think that the word “should” should direct our lives. Our parents think we should do things a certain way. Our church leaders think we should do things a certain way. Our teachers think we should do things a certain way. Our spouses and children think we should do things in a certain way. Our employers think we should do things a certain way. Even, the government has the audacity to stick it’s nose into our private lives and think we should do things a certain way. These people and institutions get so strongly embedded in our heads that pretty soon we are living life on automatic pilot and fun and spontaneity has disappeared from our lives and just the pure essence of joy is covered by should.

I don’t know when I came to the realization that the only one who was going to direct by behavior is me. It is a big step to take back our individual power and to be responsible for how, why and what we do and think. We have so long been indoctrinated that it is very difficult to cut these strings that make us act as puppets with society and culture pulling our strings. I am sure you have said this to yourself at one time or another: I would really like to do this or that but so and so just might be hurt or not like it if I do.

When I define fun what I mean is doing something because I like to do it and if others approve or disapprove it is not my problem. Some of the things that I think are fun others would think would be a total bore. Some of the things others like to do, I find totally idiotic and mindless. But guess what -- freedom gives us the right to do stupid and idiotic things as long as we do not harm another person. And I can’t expect that freedom for me if I don’t give you the same rights of personal choice.

I have to admit sometimes I still do some things that are not fun. But this is usually a conscious choice and not an obligation or a pile of should raining down on my head from others. Earlier in life this was not always true sometimes I just did things because I had to but slowly my inner child seeking joy began to rebel. I felt that rebellious voice every time I did something and I felt resentment, anger or stress when doing it. And when I feel these negative feelings now, I know that in some way either consciously or unconsciously I have given away a bit of my power in a way that just made my rebellious inner child stomp her foot and have a hissy-fit. A hissy-fit is what my Mother used to call my behavior when I was little and being totally rebellious against her rules. As I aged I learned to disguise my rebellion in different ways but that little rebel inside me was still alive and kicking my guilt button till I finally decided my life would be inner-directed rather than outward-directed.

Sometimes we are lucky. What we desire on the inside and what is requested from the outside coincide. That is when fun and joy become a glorious explosion of pure pleasure. These events happen with greater regularity now as I am becoming clearer about what is fun to me and what is not in the least bit any fun at all. I am slowly stopping doing the stupid stuff that stresses me out. I am slowly eliminating people from my life who create more pain than joy. I am learning to say NO way when someone asks me to do something that sounds boring, stressful or just plain stupid.

If you are not having fun, it is time to figure out what is fun. Most importantly you need to learn to say NO adamantly and clearly to people who want to bring a few miserable “shoulds” into your life.

So if you would like to be happy the rest of your life, consider following my philosophy of life:

If it is not fun, don’t do it!

Sunday: Spirituality versus Religion

There are many paths to enlightenment.
Be sure to take the one with a heart.

- Lao Tzu

When My mother was a child there were not any choices to be considered in one's search to manifest the spiritual in one's day to day life. Back in Flattop, West Virginia, there was one little white church that all the surrounding farms and community supported. God and his son, Jesus, were white saviors of the world. Most of the ministers had little education and were filled with the zeal of the "Holy Spirit" and their words would create a simple solution: Believe in the white Jesus and live - don't believe and die and suffer in hell's fire.

However, the ministers (preacher men) reflected their culture of uneducated, hard working, god-fearing folks doing their best to survive in a very harsh world. Simple people needed simple answers to complex questions.

Today, there are no apparent simple answers to complex questions unless one is a simple person. Fortunately or unfortunately, we as a species are growing in spiritual and emotional complexity and as we evolve our spiritual needs are evolving.

With increased awareness of the diversity that exists throughout our cultures, we must now look for answers that fit our new perspectives and we are becoming ever more aware that truth is not an absolute but a moving, changing, media moment that impacts us with increasing rapidity.

Is God Dead?

It is no wonder that the searing words of Nietzsche made headlines: "God is dead!" reverberated through the media and through the thousands of little white churches across the world. Perhaps more appropriate words would be: God as we knew God is now dead. But the good news is that with the dawning of a new age of awareness, the divine is being reborn. We are all becoming more and more aware that our lives are fuller with a sense of spiritual connection. But the God of our fathers has not walked the information highway! Instead there is emerging a new fusion of spiritual concepts that come from every point on the globe.

Reincarnation. Goddess instead of God. Pagans. Wiccans. Buddhists. Muslims. Voodouns. Jews. Christians. Taoists. Angels and Demons. The images floating through our world reflect a new metaphor emerging where spirituality is now reaching a critical mass and is mutating into a new expression.

Some may find a label that feels comfortable to them but for many of us the labels are just to explain in a simple way our beliefs. There are people who try to identify themselves when asked and who come up with names such as Eclectic Neo-Pagan of the Alexandrian Order on the Dianic Path. This is stretching things a bit, but what a mouthful! But, the simple days are over. The simple explanations are over. However, the pursuit has not changed since man first looked at the stars and saw God reflected in the lights amid the darkness. We are all looking for a way to light our passage through the dark complexities of the unknown and to celebrate the joys we feel in the light.

Spirituality versus Religion

The main difference between Spirituality and Religion is the freedom to choose your own path towards enlightenment and ultimately, recognition of our Divine selves.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with many religions and belief systems, except that they are exclusionary and limiting. The main goals and ideals of most world religions are very much the same, but in most we are taught that as followers of a particular belief system, we are right, we will be saved and the others, well, poor unenlightened ones, they will be left behind. If we live by the book and do what we are told, we will one day (in our afterlife of course) attain spiritual unity or understanding with the Divine. Until then, we can only hope to escape punishment or notice or at best, be graced with a heavenly pat on the head for good behavior, from a judgmental god or deity.

Whether one chooses a spiritual path or the path comes to one through the heritage of one's culture, as Joseph Campbell suggested in his extensive research of religion and myth, religion is metaphor no matter what mask it wears. Religion is a metaphor for the finite mind to comprehend the infinite qualities of deity. This deity, at its source, is the same regardless of the mask.

Choosing A Spiritual Path

The vast majority of us are hugely in need of healing and hope in all areas of our being: mind, body, emotions and spirit. For many of those brought up in traditional religions, vast and seemingly impenetrable walls around our true selves need to be knocked down, sometimes stone by stone, before we can gut-wrenchingly see that the walls are only an illusion keeping us separate from each other and from Spirit.

Most religions, while they contain many truths, are fear-based and deny the miracle of the Divinity in our souls. By doing so, they limit the amount of love we can give to ourselves, and therefore naturally, the love that we can give each other. Instead, we judge, we fear, we hold back - and we don’t even recognize that we are doing so, and thereby we deny the utmost beauty of life itself. However, we must come to realize with our logical mind that religions were originally created to help mankind deal with the great fear of death and dying and mortality versus immortality. Once we understand this premise it is easier to move beyond irrational response to spirituality through fear and to move on to a higher expression of love and divine connection.

There is no one who can tell you how to find your personal truth or your blazing, undeniable truthful connection with the Great Spirit. (God/dess, the Creator, the Infinite, the One, (or the Many) or whatever represents the Divine to you. We are abundantly blessed in the Western world to live without fear of persecution for exploring and expressing our spiritual beliefs, and we should make the most of this freedom. In choosing the paths which best express our personal truths and innermost beliefs, we honor ourselves and each other, and most of all, we celebrate Spirit.

Saturday: What makes a relationship last?

What makes a relationship last?

As I did my morning muse today, the focus was on Ava Gardner an American actress born on Christmas Eve way back in 1922. Ava along with many Americans was married more than a couple of times. She said something to the effect that she loved well but not wisely. This struck a cord in my heart as you see I have also been married three times. Whether one chooses to marry or just live with someone the issue of what ends a relationship and what keeps two people together is a deep and difficult question.

Jokingly I will say the key to a lasting marriage is to never be crazy at the same time.

However, I think there is some truth to this statement. We all have times in our life when we literally through stress or other issues go a little crazy. When we are like this, we are at a low point in life and it is then that a loving companion is needed to support us as we go through these times. Unfortunately if we are with a companion who cannot support us when we are going through bad times or if we are with a companion that is actually a crazy maker, we need to move on.

This time of year is one of the most stressful of all holidays. The commercialism of the holidays, not just Christmas but others as well, put the focus on a very sad point: If you love me you will buy me stuff. It is a travesty that the season of love is held hostage by Walmart. It really is a mute point whether one is a Christian or a heathen or an atheist.

On Christmas day there will be an increase in suicides. On Christmas day there will be an increase in family violence. On Christmas day instead of joy there will be sadness because expectations and reality do not walk in lock step. There will be arguments and bickering. Oh sure tables will be laden and so will credit cards and people will put on happy clown faces but in our hearts many will experience great sadness. Some will be lucky and just take this time as a great time to just be with loved ones. Others, however, will be alone and this takes a special kind of person who has not bought into the message of the holidays.

The longest relationship one will ever have is with self. When one learns to truly love self, then relationships with others are just add-ons to the quality of life. When we focus on what self doesn’t have then depression and sadness comes to us. If instead we take the focus off of self knowing that self will always be our companion in our journey through life and instead place focus on sharing this love of self with others, there is going to be a healing. How does a relationship last with an ample dose of self-love. When we come to completely love and accept self, our other relationships are going to become stronger and healthier. When we come to completely love and forgive self, our relationships are going to become kinder and more forgiving. When we accept that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we are going to understand and acknowledge the other spiritual beings being human.

How do we make a relationship last. We love. We love self. When we love self than we can more fully love and accept others.

Thursday: Just Stuff that Makes Life

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. Emerson



Our lives are not always made of big things but little things that we share along our path with others. Friendships don’t just automatically happen but are defined by moments that we remember.

I have had times when I have met a few people and they were immediately my new best friend. But the ones who continue through life with me whether in person or in my heart are the ones who have shared so many events in my life or have shared life-changing events only to disappear.

Some of the memories bring a smile to my heart. Others bring a tear or two. But joy and sorrow are the ties that bind us together as family, friends and community. I believe it is a hard-wired need in the healthy human being to need others and to be needed. The way this is shown is the shared experiences whether by actually going through the experience together or the telling of our stories.

All that I have become and all that I will become are integral to the experiences in my life. Some of them I have because of them and some in spite of them. I think the latter maybe the most powerful life changing events that I have known.

There is something about acknowledging that one has over come adversity and came out a little scarred but still surviving and having a will to carry on even when times are tough.

The scars on our bodies and on our hearts and souls are badges of courage. We may hold some resentment about having to earn those badges but if we take the time we can instead sing our praises for being able to go on when someone else might have given up.

The scars that are on our bodies are not so easy to hide. Sometimes, as in my case, a good plastic surgeon can repair the damage so that others do not notice but when we look in the mirror the image of the damage is still etched in our memories and we see not who we are just as who we are but who we are after having a traumatic injury.

The scars in our hearts and souls we can often hide from others but they are never hidden from self. We may desensitize to the pain of emotional and spiritual trauma and even eventually heal, but we are scarred regardless of what we want to deny or avoid.

These psychological and psychic scars are the so called buttons that other people can push and make us re-feel the fears, anger, separation anxiety and other emotional responses. Sometimes they are so hidden deep inside that we do not remember them consciously. But until we come to deal with them and bring them to light in our minds they can continue to leave us wounded. These psychological and psychic wounds can direct us to act in ways that are not to our higher good..

When we react to another person in a way that seems inappropriate or not equal to the energy that was presented to us, then we know that old wounds have been awakened. When others respond to what we have said or done in a way that seems inappropriate or not equal to the energy that we presented then we know that old wounds have been awakened.

I can tell you right now if you ask the person who got angry or attacked you concerning something that seems innocuous or innocent or of not much importance, it is not going to do any good to tell them this unless you and that person have a long history of helping each other grow and heal. You might as well tell a feral cat to turn over and let you scratch its belly because you are going to get wounded even more. The only thing that you can do is try to analyze exactly what button you pushed and do your best to avoid it in the future. If this happens more than a couple of times, you need to remove that person from your reality if at all possible. It may be almost impossible to do this if you work with someone and he or she is the one who is constantly either pushing your buttons (sometimes even deliberately) or you are the one that is the button pusher. If this is consistent, you could almost bet that you are in a work place where there is definitely not a goodness of fit and it is time to start sending out resumes. If it is a personal relationship with a significant other or a family member, you need to toughen up and remove that person from your life.

Now sometimes, if we are lucky, a new friend may have the same agenda that you do to heal your wounds and continue to grow and when that happens sing praises for the blessing of that friendship you have been given. The friends that continue through our lives if we are on a true spiritual path and not doing a religious mouth service are the ones that will be loving enough to hear when we feel hurt and help us work through when something has hurt us or be tolerant enough to wait until we are able to face our inner pain. You know you have a true friend when you say I cannot discuss this now but I was hurt by what you said or did but can we come back later to discuss it and when you are ready, they are still willing to be your helper in your healing. You know you are a true friend when someone says you have hurt them but they can’t talk about it now but leave the door open to come back and heal a little more of the wounds in your hearts.

There are lots of stuff in life that can wound us. There are lots of stuff in life that can give us joy. And while the goal is to heal the old wounds so that the joy has a happier internal environment one is going to continue to grow and prosper in love and friendship.

Sometimes things are so hidden that we might not be able to get there and resolve the issues and forgive the past hurts. When that happens, there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to avoid pain if at all possible. To avoid hurting oneself when it serves no purpose is not denial it is wisdom. There is an old joke about a patient going to see his doctor and old and wise person and saying: When I push here pointing to a spot on his leg, it hurts. What is your advice Doc? The wise old doctor said: My advice is to quit pushing that spot.

Quit pushing the spots that hurt in you and in other people. Look for the places to caress with words and actions that bring joy and pleasure.

I want to thank my friend Patrick Gordon for inspiring today's muse.

Tuesday: Silence of the Silent Majority

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


There is a joy that comes from having true friends that cannot fully be expressed. As we come to the end of the year 2005, I am reminded of the many people that have blessed my life over the years. Some for a sudden encounter while traveling that I never saw again and others that have traveled through life with me for great periods of time.

It is the others that help us define who we are and whom we will become. That is a very precious gift that is above price.

It is written that you cannot change another person but that is so far from the truth that it is almost laughable. You cannot have complete control over another person unless you have them locked in the basement but that isn’t much fun even with a dog it is a rather boring idea. However, we do change each other sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes dramatically.

Have you ever had a friend say something in such a way that all of a sudden you do a total mind shift about an idea or concept?

It is the interaction with others that helps keep our minds growing and expanding and thus that is how we help others change and they help us change. Sometimes even the dumbest statements can have a profound impact on how we perceive our world, our selves, and our realities. I think some of the dumbest statements that I have heard uttered by another human being is Pat Robertson the fundamentalist right wing wacko who claims to be the voice of God incarnate. Now I basically believe that the constitutional guarantee of free speech is more important when it protects the person whom I totally disagree with than protecting those with whom I find conceptually sound. However, when Robertson and his ilk began to use the media to try and legislate morality I must admit I became a bit offended but again he has the right to rant, lie and be delusional or this truly would not be a free country.

I have a little story to illustrate a point about how a friend and an enemy can truly create a mind shift.

Where I live is called by many the Bible belt. I live about an hour from Robertson and his Liberty University. After the daily morning show, on would come dear old Pat the racist, misogynous, homophobe. One morning he suggested that the United States should assassinate the president of Venezuela. This man Pat Robertson if you will recall suggested that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were the fault of Americans because we were living a life of sin by permitting homosexuals and so forth to do what they do.

It was because of stupidity like this being spoken from the pulpits of churches that I was required to attend growing up that truly caused me a crisis of faith. I think the nail in the coffin that buried my belief was when fundamentalist Christian ministers across the country would use the power of their pulpit to frighten their congregation in order to prevent them from voting for John F. Kennedy. Their reason for fear was that Kennedy was a Catholic and he would have to answer to the Pope of the Catholic church and thus America would be run by the Vatican City.

Every time I hear someone like Robertson I shutter at how people lives are twisted by lies that have nothing to do with God but with the private madness of ministers, religions and their followers. They call themselves Pastors because they are here to guide their flocks of sheep. To be a sheep is to be one who does not think for oneself. These men of God feel that what they speak is literally a channeling of the mind of God.

As you can gather I had developed a mind set about Christians and in particular Protestants. That was until I met a special person named Janet Elaine Smith. Janet had been a missionary to Venezuela for quite a few years. Now when I first heard this I was a little put off because what I had been taught is that the role of a missionary is to proselytize and destroy indigenous religions that were not Christianity. When missionaries were recruited and trained, they were charged to go to the dark continents and save the heathens. Well that might have been what the folks back home thought when Janet went off to Venezuela with a mission to help. Janet did not demonstrate her love of humanity and God by trying to destroy the faith of the people who by the time she arrived were primarily Catholic, instead she reached out with love and kindness to help them create healthier and happier lives. In fact, she was so admired by the people that she was actually invited for dinner at the house of the President of Venezuela.

Now here is where the story gets interesting. Janet and I were talking about Robertson’s call to assassinate the President of Venezuela. As I snickeringly said to her: that is just so Christian of him! She laughed at my statement. The next time I talked to her she had personally called the Venezuelan Ambassador to the United States. How she got through to him is another story best told by her. However, she did get him on the phone and she reportedly said to him. Mr. Ambassador, I am a former missionary to Venezuela and while I was there I even had dinner with the former president. I am calling to you to personally apologize to you for the words of Pat Robertson and to let you know that most Christians in the United States in no way condones this kind of behavior or way of thinking.

Overtime Janet has managed to heal the distrust that I had for Christians because of my exposure to the radical right that has so perpetuated hate, anger, and in effect act as anti-Christ.

To my amusement yesterday I had forgotten to change the channel at the end of the morning show and actually had the TV on mute. It was then I had one of the moments of epiphany in that I learned that perhaps not all who live in this Bible belt support the words of this man Pat Robertson. On the top of the screen throughout the show was a banner that read: This is a paid television program and does not necessarily represent the thoughts and opinions of this station.

I was definitely uplifted and did a little happy chair dance of joy.

I want to personally thank Janet Elaine Smith for accepting my belief that God is too big for one religion and the only way to truly know a spiritual person is to see her work.

Monday: It is intuitively obvious

Beth could not reason upon or explain the faith that gave her courage and patience to give up life, and cheerfully wait for death. Like a confiding child, she asked no questions, but left everything to God and nature, Father and Mother of us all, feeling sure that they, and they only, could teach and strengthen heart and spirit for this life and the life to come.
in Little Women, chapter 36

I think that before I could walk God has been a part of my reality. The only issue was as I grew and learned more about the world, I began to question is this just an illusion or is there a divine spirit that has an impact on mankind and our world.

I finally was able to resolve the issue when I was about the age of 28 or 30. I came to realize that it was pretty impossible to scientifically prove a divine power. I also came to realize that religions do have a function in the reality of humans. However, recognizing function did not mean that God existed. It only demonstrated that religion and the belief in God had a potential for a positive function in people’s lives. Of course, the most obvious reason is that it helps us deal with the absolute truth that everyone dies and it is easier to cope with the idea of death if we can project a special place where death is not the end of a journey but a continuation of a journey. It is very hard for human beings to accept that they do not exist after death.

Religion is not based upon proof or even truth but upon need to help us go through the markers of life such as birth, death, illness, suffering and celebration of events like marriage (and perhaps today, with divorce). The rituals bring a sense of stability and comfort in coping with a very chaotic and basically unpredictable reality in which we find ourselves.

As I thought and theorized about this concept of God and humanity, I came to some conclusions that have helped me over the years to rationalize my own personal needs to connect with the divine. If I don’t believe and God is real, it will not change the reality of God. If I believe and God is not real, it will not change the reality of God. However, I do find my life is more fulfilling and more comfortable to believe in a God and even sometimes in a Goddess. I think that I find it most comforting to believe that a divine spirit sparks the universe. Overtime, my relationship with this concept of divine mind has definitely changed and mutated to the place where I am now in my choosing to have faith in the face of the illogical or perhaps my inability to perceive a concept of infinite mind and that life in some form or another continues and is a part of my perceived reality.

However, another issue that has continued to haunt me over time is that most people when they choose to become religious have to take ownership of God and say that their God is the only God and their beliefs are the only reality. I have read and seen that all kinds of atrocities have been committed by one culture or another who hold the belief that only their beliefs are the gift to the true believer. That illusion can be as true of the atheist as the theist.

Many mainstream religions actually have built in defenses of the faith where critical thought is seen as the seduction of evil. The story of Adam and Eve and the eating of the Apple of the Tree of Life which would give them knowledge and thus isolate them from the safety and security of God is a perfect example about how most religions can only exist in a state of unchallenged belief and the avoidance of critical thought. Critical thought is considered the work of the devil, Satan or the anti-Christ. In many religions including Christianity and Muslim to think and question one’s faith is heresy and thus we have a history that to think and question divinity and especially the divinity of one’s personal faith is heresy and in many cases can result in death and public execution.

While there have been many free-thinkers and critical thinkers through out history, they usually had to write their words in parables and metaphor in order to stay alive. It is a lot easier to die for the faith than to die for the lack of faith.

I have seen many miracles through out my life. Miracles that I could not explain. However, while I can say I have experienced these I cannot definitively say that they are connected with a god. I can only say that out of chaos and I saw some order arise for a few moments in time. But do I still have faith? Yes. Why? Because I chose to believe that there is more to the many dimensions and infinite realities than what I see in our four dimensional reality. Is it logical? No. But it is intuitively obvious.

In closing I would like to say that it is not as important to worry about life after death as it is to consider insuring that life before death is as happy and joyful and content as possible. Now, that definitely is intuitively obvious.

Tuesday: You are the Miracle

What is a miracle?

We can all come up with examples. A dying person who suddenly is healed of illness. Barely missing being hit by another vehicle by just a few seconds. There are thousands and thousands of examples of miracles that surround us if we but take a moment to be aware. Sure we are awestruck by the big and hugely mysterious miracles of life.

But sometimes the greatest miracles are the smallest.

When we choose to do something for another person in unconditional love with no expectation of a return we become the miracle.

It doesn’t take much to become a part of a bigger miracle that is spreading through out the collective consciousness of humanity. All it takes is to take a moment to do something kind, something good, something that just says from my heart to yours I send you love.

True most of us spend our days surviving, taking care of responsibilities, trying just to get by, but each one of us has a special opportunity to share the most important miracle of all... that is love.

As you search your heart and come to realize that you are the manifestation of the miracle, it will reverberate through all humanity. True some have their ears closed but with constant affirmation to recognize that we can walk out of fear and into love, we will help the blind to see and the deaf to hear.

Be the Miracle today.

http://manifestreality.com/muse.html to be a part of the miracle manifesting in one families life today.

Monday: My Way

Whether we recognize it or not, we all do life in our own way. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power to do this by blaming other people when things do not turn out the way we want. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power by blaming the government or other institution. Sometimes we give up recognition of our power by blaming God or spirit.

Just because we deny our power does not mean that we do not have power.

I have never understood why we fear being powerful. What do we have to gain by pretending that we are less than what we are? What is the game that we play with ourselves by denying our own divinity?

This question has puzzled me for years and it will probably continue to puzzle me as I watch people set into action events and behaviors that create pain and suffering. Some will say that they are angry but they rant and rave rather than acting to change situations. There is no situations where we do not have options as to how to act or respond yet we deny that we always have the power of choice.

How do we learn why we choose to dis-empower self? I am working on that one myself as I also will fall victim to my own games of perceiving me as powerless. If you have comments about this I would love for you to share them.

Why do you fear your own power?

Sunday: It's not my problem

Let this become your key - next time when anger comes, just watch it. Don't say, “I am angry.” Say, “Anger is there and I am watching it.” And see the difference! The difference is vast. Suddenly you are out of the grip of anger. If you can say, “I am just a watcher, I am not anger,” you are out of the grip.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

To find peace when all the world is in chaos is a true blessing. To find comfort in the middle of suffering is a blessing. To find contentment in the middle of needing is a blessing.

So often we find ourselves wandering into area of reaction that really do not serve our higher good. We find that circumstances seem to grip us and make us want to just lose control of our greatest ability, the ability to chose our own reactions to a situation.

The past few weeks I found myself spinning out of control... out of self-control would be a better word. There is nothing wrong with any emotion or any feeling. However, there is something wrong with not accepting the fact that we always have a choice about how we react. As I let go of some of this realization and allowed others in the world to impact how I was going to feel, I truly felt dis-empowered. I felt less. I felt miserable to put it quite bluntly.

So in desperation I took a day off from my regular routine. I really had to process my reaction to that choice. I felt lost doing nothing for a whole day. It was truly strange. I watched TV. I slept. I did nothing that was in anyway productive or so I thought. I have to say I came as close to guilt as I get and I don’t usually go near guilt with a ten foot pole.

However, an amazing thing happened this morning. I feel refreshed. I feel renewed. I am starting to feel a zest again that I thought that I had lost. I guess this brain of mine needed some downtime.

It is funny I know longer feel pressed, stressed or a sense of being out of control. I am at a state of realization that it was just my reaction to the changes that I am going through in my life and that I always have the option to change and evolve even if others do not like it. As much as I know that we all have the right to create our own boundaries and say no, I thought that I had to make up excuses for saying no to something I did not want to do. I don’t know whether the excuses were for me or for someone else, I just know that in that needing to have an excuse to do or not do something I create a state of discomfort. I don’t like that. I hope that in the future I will remember that I always have the right to say no and not feel guilty because I am sensitive and cannot handle some kinds of energies that other people don’t even notice. Or if they do notice them act in a negative manner.

I am hoping that finally I have learned the truth of the statement: It’s not my problem.

Friday: Anger and Fear

When do we get angry? It is natural to feel anger when one feels threatened or hurt. But when someone else is angry with us does that naturally mean that we have done something to threaten them or hurt them?

No it doesn’t.

Sometimes the anger that comes toward us is anger passing through the other person from another source. When they cannot handle the threat that they perceive they will often attack a safer target in order to release the tensions of anger.

Also, when we think we are angry at another specific person does it mean that they have done something to threaten them or hurt them?

No it doesn’t.

Empaths and intuitives often have trouble with negative emotions until they learn to differentiate the anger that they feel as either their own real anger or something that they are picking up from another person. Does an empath have to own every emotion that they feel?

No they don’t.

All of us whether aware of it or not are born with a certain amount of psychic ability. Often what we are processing and thinking of as anger is not a direct or overt thought. It can often be that we pick up emotional energies from others and even from the universe. When energy shifts happen as with the current Mars Jupiter opposition there is an exponential rising of energies which can manifest in several ways: anger, passion, spiritual zeal, righteous indignation and so forth. How we use these energies is up to us. Do we have to act upon these feelings and energies?

No we do not.

We must not however ignore them. It is in the times of shifting energies that it is important to become still and become a witness to our own processes. The logical mind needs to observe and control the reactions of the emotional mind. First, look and see if the perceived threat or hurt is real. Is someone really going to cause us harm? Or, is that person actually feeling hurt right now and striking back at us like a wounded soul with no way to show their pain except anger? Can we change the way another person feels?

No we cannot.

We can control how we respond. Learning to be detached when we feel like we are attacked is extremely difficult. It takes years of training and learning meditative stillness. And even the most spiritual person will have times when they cannot not respond to the energies of anger coming from another person. I remember my father used to say that Christ said to turn the other cheek, but he did not say what we were to do if we were slapped again after we turned the other cheek. He would wink and smile and then add, sometimes you just have to fight back. Do we have a choice about how we react?

Yes we do.

Will it change how the other person is acting? Maybe or maybe not. Eventually we must all learn that the only person we will ever really control is self. I know we have read and heard this statement over and over again. But maybe it is time to hear it again.

Today, let us choose to turn away from anger and go to that quiet space in our spirit where peace exists and draw it forth into a brand new day.

Thursday: Fearless

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.

Jim Morrison

When I was 28 I made a major discovery. I could become frozen by stage fright. The very idea of being in front of people performing or talking or just being terrified me. It was then that I vowed to me that every time I felt that sense of numbing paralysis that is fear fill my heart, that I would face it and eradicate it from my very being.

As I looked at my fear of being before people on a stage, I realized something extremely interesting. The rush of adrenalin of fear and excitement created the physiological response. Fear was a label that I put on an emotional experience in a negative way. I then began to work on re-framing my labeling of my senses into one of excitement rather than fear. Over time, I became quite adept at speaking in front of crowds. In fact, I over came it to the point that I eventually became spokesperson for a public television station and became an on-air fund raiser. I also had a talk show five days a week where I would interview people. I conquered my fear of public performance and thus was free to move on with other things in my life.

Other fears rose up to meet me upon my path of self-development. I was totally terrified of birds or anything with feathers. The movie The Birds was the ultimate terror film. In this case I used desensitization to eliminate this fear. I began to have birds as pets. I started with little budgies and in about twenty years I finally graduated to having a cockatiel. I grew to the point that I could sit on Jackson Square in New Orleans and feed the pigeons. Now, I have to admit that chickens still stir some discomfort and I don’t want to hold one or pet it, but I figure how many chickens are going to cross my path.

The biggest fear that I had, perhaps, was of God. I grew up in a Bible-thumping fundamentalist home where death and fear and destruction by fire and brimstone were regular Sunday fare. My first coping with this was to just say God did not exist. If it did not exist, it could not harm me. I learned through time that denial did not conquer my fear because my real fear was that God did exist but in a negative way. It was irrational to me. I finally said in desperation one rainy, cold evening, God if you exist and are good, give me a sign. At that moment I looked and outside the back door through the window I could see a finch. I called my husband. He went outside. Held out his finger and the finch jumped upon it to safety from the storm. He brought the poor creature in the house and we put in a box until we could get a cage the next day. I also called a friend and said what can this mean? She looked up the meaning of bird as a symbol, and the answer was: The spirit of God descending!

After many years of fear, I was still rather skeptical and wanted further proof. I asked again. Again another finch appeared outside the window and Mark brought it in to join the other one in the cage.

The irony of God using a bird symbol of my fear as an answer to say “Fear Not!” did not escape me.

I would like to say that I am totally free of fear but that would be a lie. However, I am gentle with me as I continue on my path to look at my fears and give me the time and exploration that I need to face these fears with an open heart and open mind.

Today, do not fear the dark because that is where the light will shine brightest.

Wednesday: Season of Peace

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

How do I find peace within? Certainly not be looking out. If I am caught up in all the good, the bad, and the ugly of the world I will seldom find a sense of deep inner peace and connection with the divine.

If I am caught up in expectations that are totally unrealistic about holidays, jobs, having the right clothes, having a perfect family and so forth, then peace, deep abiding peace, will evade me.

The only way any of us can turn a season of discontent into a season of peace is to accept that our purpose and definition of value in life is under our control.

It has been written that pain is unavoidable but suffering is a choice. Suffering is a reaction to some thing that causes discomfort. Chaos and anger and negative energies are painful but I do not have to suffer them. To have peace, everlasting awe inspiring peace, one must recognize that one always has a choice to walk away from that which makes one feel that one must suffer. Now it is true over time and aging there will be events and physical issues that will create pain but if I have established a place in my soul, in my spirit, that is at peace within me than I will not suffer. While there is a season and a reason for everything under the sun, within my heart I choose to live always in a season of peace.

Tuesday: Fun Again

When I was a child, I spoke like a child. When I became a woman I put away childish toys.
Myriam Maytorena 1975

How I have grown over the years. I remember well writing those words and thinking that I was so clever. Yet today I realize that I was saying I was not going to be driven to act based upon immature emotions. In effect, I threw out my fun-loving inner child with the bath water. Over time I have realized that what I truly was trying to get rid of was the child that was only acting to get applause or a reaction.

As you watch a child as it learns to play and explore the world around it, she is in a state of complete bliss and self-absorption. She doesn’t care if you are watching or not. She laughs. She giggles. She smiles. She is tickled by adventure. When one is a child and the music comes on whether imaginary or real, one dances with joy and abandonment.

Then one day something happens. We are laughing, playing and dancing and we look up and notice that someone is watching us. How they respond changes how we play through life. Sometimes the observers of our joy, will smile and even applaud us. Sometimes, the observers of our shenanigans will frown and scold us. The freedom of self-expression is then modified as we become dependent on feedback from others rather than our own drive to be joyful explorers of life. We are born to be happy. It is life and others that somehow teaches us to take the fun out of life and turn it into dys-fun-ction.

When I realized that this pleasure seeking creature was still a part of me only covered up by years of needing approval or fearing rejection, all of a sudden I was set free. I think that it was Gloria Steinam who wrote: The truth will set you free but first it is really going to piss you off.

Thirty years after writing the quote that is the start of this essay I would like to modify my comments about being childish to becoming childlike. When I was a child I played as a child. When I became a woman I recaptured all those foolish joys.

Sunday: Solitude

"I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind" Einstein

There is a magic in being comfortable in solitude. Many people are so uncomfortable dealing with the thoughts and issues that flow through their mind, that they seek out others as distractions so that life is never fully felt or understood.. Even those who are alone often find it difficult to just sit and meditate but must constantly be doing something to avoid the quiet and peace of being with self.

One of the most fascinating signs of being unable to deal with stillness is to watch how you or others react to red lights when one must pause and wait for their turn to move on. Impatient to keep moving and acting, the stop light becomes an irritant and stress maker. If the person in front is a millisecond slow in responding when the light turns green, anger ensues and one pounds on the car horn.

Another sign is those who must constantly be in movement even when not engaging with others. Constantly straightening up the house. Moving the furniture around to vacuum. Redecorating and changing one’s stuff. Reorganizing closets. Watching TV and eating at the same time. Reading a book with the radio on full blast or with teens doing one’s homework with the TV or CD blaring.

One of the greatest gifts that one can receive is a friend that doesn’t need to talk all the time. We often cannot stand the silence of just being with another person much less the silence of being with self. People often speak of awkward moments of silence indicating not knowing what to say or how to respond. How much easier it would be if we could just be comfortable by not having to respond at all. In fact, often we find ourselves not listening to what another says but instead thinking about what we are going to say next.

One of the other great gifts is the ability to sit in solitude and silence without thinking. That perhaps is the greatest test of mental discipline. Constant thoughts running through the mind often with no rhyme or reason. Unfocused we seek to live loud and confused either by our speech or our thought.

This is not to say that one must seek a constant state of mindlessness but that one needs to take time to pause, to reflect, to introspect and finally to just be. Like the seasons of the year, we need to prepare the soil of our minds like the spring and plant our seeds. In the summer of our minds we need to weed out those thoughts (and people) that interfere with the growth of the positive and powerful. In the fall, we need to harvest our ideas and thoughts and share our blessed abundance. And peacefully and wonderfully in the winter, we allow our minds and our spirits to be still and silent.

Often people will speak of solitude and stillness as being depressed and lonely. But solitude is a gift that we give ourselves to renew and regenerate and recreate our souls and spirit. Solitude is a discipline. When one learns to not be lonely when alone, then one will never be lonely with another or a million others.

Friday: Encounters of the Strange Kind

I have always thought that airports are the most exciting places. It is exciting to feel the rush of going to a new place or returning to an old place. It is amusing to observe the people who stream through our lives usually never touching us with a word or even a smile. Most are caught up with their own anger, joys, pleasures, fears and realities. They seldom touch our reality.

Airports can suggest intrigue and adventure. And sometimes this is true. Sometimes it is just people doing their daily jobs either in the service industry that keeps the airports running fairly smoothly or the millions of new cyber migrant workers rushing through the gate carrying their laptop computers, cell phones, and a bag with a change of clothes to meet and service their next client.

The new breed of intellectual migrant workers selling their computer skills and other information age training create the opportunity for some amazing conversations if one is willing to be friendly.

Some are totally unfriendly. They are absorbed into their laptops, phones, and doing paper work while sitting in airports and on planes. They sit in their seats with an invisible bubble around them to avoid interactions.

But then there are the others.

It was in the middle of June at the start of the summer storm season that my plane was grounded at Dullas airport outside of Washington D.C. still this side of the Virginia border. I had boarded a plane in Roanoke at about 2 in the afternoon for a flight to Cleveland Ohio which in good weather should have taken about 3 and half hours with a change of planes at Dullas. We landed in Dullas 15 minutes late and as I rushed to get to my connection, an announcement confirmed the fear I had felt as we arrived in the roaring winds and pelting rain, all flights were delayed.

An hour passed. Two hours passed. Passengers were getting panicked about making connecting flights.

A very agitated man from the middle east kept pacing back and forth. First he would go to the airline's desk and while gesturing frantically would discuss intently the situation with the agent. Then he would rush to a payphone and make a call. Then back to harrass the agent. He talked to her with a truly arrogant and condescending manner that was rude beyond belief. He was increasing the anxiety of everyone in the area.

This pattern repeated itself at least 10 times and finally the agent had us in a line reticketing us for the following morning because all flights were cancelled till the next day.

In one of the most sickening sexist manners, the middle eastern man finally was told by the agent that this is the way it is: All flights are cancelled till in the morning. I have told you what can be done. And I will reticket you as soon as I have information. He again ran to the payphone frantically.

Now I have to tell you that in the wake of 9/11 one does not feel very comfortable having a man who could be a terrorist if one were to do profiling acting in an agitated and threatening way.

The agent called for passengers to please line up so that the staff could reticket them for the next morning.

Unfortunately this crazy-making dark and furious man was in front me in the line. Everyone was looking at him with growing disgust, suspicion and distain.

He turned around and looked me straight in the eye and asked me in that same tone of voice: What is going on here.

I smiled nicely at him, looked him boldly in the eye and said: Perhaps God is teaching you a lesson.

He stomped his foot, spun around 180 degrees, became quiet and waited to be ticketed like everyone else.

Every person with in earshot, looked at me and smiled.

And that was just the beginning of the adventure...


Myriam